Worth the Risk

Chapter thirteen

The longer I'm sitting here, the worse I feel. I could blame it on my hangover but I know that it's the guilt filling my veins like a toxic substance that is slowly making me go insane.

"So apparently Daniel is at my apartment." I attempt to cut the unpleasant tension between us.

He hums in recognition as he stands up to put his plate in the sink. "They swapped." The tone in his voice pricks my chest as it is harsh and distant, the total opposite of last night's warm and soothing sound.

"Yeah right, and I'm the pope of Rome." I snort, waiting for him to make a comeback with something like 'you totally look the part' or 'I can see the similarities'. Yet he keeps quiet and I wonder if it's because of last night or because I might not know him anymore. A lot can change in three years, so maybe sarcasm isn't his kind of humor anymore, maybe he doesn't like history anymore, and maybe he now drinks tea instead of coffee in the morning. Maybe he is a totally different man than when I met him when I was 16.

My eyes are glued to his back trying to figure it out as if all the answers are written on the fabric of his shirt.

He spins around and my heart stops when his bewildered gaze meets mine, "Look, August-"

"Sit your asses down and buckle up because I have a solution for both of your problems." My head snaps to Brooklyn entering the room.

Every little cell inside my body is sheering her on for her perfect timing because even though I have spent at least 20 minutes preparing for a conversation with Colin, I sure as hell wasn't ready for it.

"Please, explain." His eyebrows are raised expectantly, yet confused.

"You need a job," she nods in my direction, "and you need a new waitress since Hannah quit." Her smirk of accomplishment speeds up my heartbeat as I slowly realize what idea she is pitching to us. "One plus one is two. Meet your new colleague."

I blink a few times, trying to make sure she is serious and when I tear away my gaze from her to glance at him I bump into an unreadable expression. Disgusted? Confusion? Repulsive? Pure horror? Maybe all of them combined, who knows.

"I-"

"You know I can't just hire anyone right? Theo would have to approve." He interrupts me before I could finish and I'm glad because my sentence didn't hold any more words than the 'I' I pronounced.

Declining would be suspicious because why would I turn down an offer that is being handed to me on a silver plate. Being happy would be an appropriate reaction in Brooke's eyes, yet far from reality. I mean, I'm happy I potentially have a job. It's just not exactly what I would call ideal, and I'm pretty sure Colin thinks the same at the sound of his words.

"Oh come, it's Theo. If you put in a good word I'm sure he'll say yes," she waves away his comment.

He doesn't have to help me. He doesn't have to sit through with me when he doesn't want to. I'm not going to force him to work with me when I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to be anywhere near me.

"You don't have to." I try.

Brooke places both her hands on her hips, pursing her lips. "Yes, you do because you still owe me one." Silence falls between them and my eyes switch from one staring pair to another. Back and forth until I suddenly stop when he directs his icy gaze at me.

"Do you have an alcohol-serving permit?" Is he's seriously thinking this through? He can't be, right?

"Yeah." Hesitance is dominating my voice because my mind is all over the place.

"Do you have any experience with working in a restaurant?" His face is a book written in a foreign language. I can inspect it for hours, yet no matter how hard I try, I can't read it, even though I would love to.

"Only the theater," I mutter, "which obviously isn't a restaurant, so no." I fidget with my fingers knowing my answer doesn't help my case at all.

"You know you'd have to work until late?"

"How late exactly?" Brooklyn quietly sighs as she walks behind Colin and opens the fridge pretending to look inside when she frowns at me before mouthing 'stop with the boycotting'.

She's right. I am boycotting a perfectly fine opportunity because the guy standing in front of me is making me doubt every decision I've made in the past and it scares me.

It terrifies me that I gave in that easily, that it only took a little -maybe a bit more than just a little- alcohol to break my rules again. It frightens me that it took him only one smooth conversation, only one stupid kiss to settle himself inside my mind like my brain is his kingdom and my thoughts are his servants. I want to believe he stormed in and crowned himself king of my daydreams, yet deep down I know I subconsciously granted him that position three years ago.

Even though there's a knot inside my stomach from all my confusing thoughts, and even if I hate to admit it, Brooke is right. I need this job. I won't be able to pay for New York without one, and neither can I afford to be searching for one for weeks. "Yeah, no, late hours are fine." I hear myself mumble.

"Weekends?"

"Perfect." I shoot back whilst forcing a smile on my face, despite the fact I know he can see right through it.

Colin glares at his sister in silence and for one moment I wonder if they're able to have a wordless conversation. If they can read each other's minds because whatever is happening certainly seems like mindreading.

His head snaps to me. "Can you start tonight? Shift starts at 5."

Before his words have the time to sink into my consciousness, I reply, "Sure."

With a short nod, he takes a step back from the kitchen island. "Well, then, congratulations. You've got yourself a job." His words echo in my mind as he stalks out of the room. I don't even have time to thank him. He's gone. He practically sprinted out of this situation once it was settled.

Two arms abruptly wrap themselves around me and Brooklyn's voice starts to play as background music in my head. My eyes are resting on the door he disappeared behind and my chest tightens. His walking out without another word, his voice being grave, and his smile never making an appearance makes me realize that I don't want his stern face and ice-cold eyes. I want his gentle gaze and soothing presence.

However, I know I've lost the privilege of having those three years ago. I knew I'd lost it but then he granted me his smiles and jokes. He gave me the warmth of his company and I melted. I hoped. I panicked. I ran.

Like I always do.

Like I want to right now even though I know I can't. I'm going to be working with him. I can't run away from being around him. I don't get to choose between accepting or declining his company.

I don't have a choice as I had three years ago. If I had, I wouldn't be heading home to freshen up. If I had, I wouldn't be grabbing my bicycle. If I had, I wouldn't be cycling to work right now because I wouldn't have a job. If I had, I wouldn't have agreed because I know the consequences of giving in to the pull I feel toward him.

They're dangerous.

Heartbreakingly dangerous.