Sunshine | gaara crack fic

Five

ohmahgod real-life Ellie asked me when I would update Sunshine so I just had to

"Holy fuck!" Gaara shrieked.

Ellie sighed, as though this was a trivial matter. "I told you this would happen."

"That doesn't change the fact that you did it!" Gaara whined, gesturing to the blazing building before them. "What if Kiyomi was stuck in there?! Or I was in the shower! At least give me a heads up before you start practicing eating a flaming sword! O-or juggling flaming knives!"

Ellie simply waved off his concerns. "I get it, so you can shut your trap. I have way more interesting hobbies than you, that's fine, but there's no need to attack me over it." Curiously, she inspected a blackened piece of rubble and nudged it with her foot. "I think that was our toilet." Ellie shook her head. "No matter. So, what now?"

Gaara huffed and eyed the burning house they had lived in for only a few weeks. "I can crash at Naruto's place--" He ignored Ellie's teasing snicker--"but just me." He scowled. "Like hell if I'm letting you stay under his roof, you'd probably set that on fire too."

"That's fair." Ellie rolled her eyes. "But sure. I know someone I can live with, and he's probably used to putting out a fire." Thoughtfully, she nodded. "Yeah, I think I'll do that." They stood around awkwardly, their house crumbling before them before Ellie piped up again. "Do you think we should call the authorities or something?"

"Shit, you're right."

I swear to fucking god—

::

"So you're moving in?"

"Yep." Gaara sat down the box of his belongings. "Sorry not sorry."

Naruto nodded. "What about Ellie? Is she not moving in too?" He scanned their small apartment. Most likely not. "Where's Ellie gonna live then, dattebayo?"

Gaara gave a vague, non-committal shrug.

::

"FUcker!" Ellie screeched. She kicked the door open and burst into the house, to find the sole Hatake baking muffins.

The pan clattered to the floor as a scream erupted from Kakashi's throat.

::

Gaara's eyes shined. "So you mean to say," Naruto sat across from him, a serious look on his face. "That there's an empty spot under your—"

"Our, but yes." Naruto corrected.

"Under our apartment, that's up for lease, and no one has taken it? It's up for grabs?"

Naruto looked a bit confused, stroking Kiyomi gently. "Yes?"

Gaara slammed his hands on the table, suddenly standing up. "That's the fucking perfect opportunity for a cat cafe! Holy shit, it's like we're in a movie or something!"

A fanfic, really.

'Shut the fuck up tanuki trash.'

Naruto nodded slowly. "Are you saying we start a cat cafe beneath our apartment?" At Gaara's excited nod, he shrugged. "Sure, dattebayo."

Gaara cheered.

::

Kakashi stared blankly at the person sitting on his kitchen counter casually.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." Ellie drawled, amused.

Kakashi did not hesitate to fire back. "As if I'd want a picture of your disgusting face."