My new cat

does he like cat toys?

Deadpool pov
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Hello readers! Welcome back to the story hope you guys didn't miss it too much after being gone for at this point a lot over a month- author was being a pathetic moron but now we're back so I hope you can forgive them? What is this? Author's trying to make me say this stupid script go f*cking punish them for delaying this sh*t story

I walked back into my now cat infested house to be greeted by the furry companion himself Spider-Man.

He glared at me but still rubbed himself against my leg which I felt was strange but who was I to judge, I'm not a cat.

I set the brown paper bag on the hard wood floor and the sound of it crinkling as it hit the floor was less than satisfying.

The cat tilted his head with a look of bewilderment on his face.

"I got you something," I said trying my best to sound soothing to the little fur ball in front of me.

He looked like he understood so I reached my arm into the bag and grabbed one of the toys I had bought him at the store I had just left.

It was a stick that had a string with a cluster of feathers at the end of it. It wasn't the most expensive toy I'd bought but it was one I thought would work if he did like playing with toys.

Let's hope he does

Yeah we spent a good amount of money on toys imagine if he didn't like any of them?

Yeah imagine

The cat look at the toy. Gave it a look and then after a very long dragged out stare as I moved the toy from side to side waiting for him to try and catch it.

He watched the feather but he never made an effort to move to grab it. If I had seen correctly it appeared that the cat had made an effort to tilt his head up in disgust.

"Now that's just rude." I said finally after I realized the cat didn't want to play with the toy at all.

I threw the toy to the side and reached my hand into the crinkled bag once again, this time trying not to rip the bag in my search for the perfect spider cat toy.

I went to pull something out only to be interrupted by my phone going off in my pocket.

I hung up the call and went back to searching the crinkled bag. That phone call probably wasn't important anyways let's be honest.

I managed to grab the laser pointer I had also bought and was excited to show the narrow eyed cat-spider what it could do.

Spidey looked unamused. He narrowed his eyes at the toy and then back at me as I turned the laser pointer on and moved it around.

I was in the middle of a sigh as my phone went off again and I once again hung up on it. This is much more important

Yeah there could be a serious emergency but let's play with our new cat instead

Yup seems legit

Spidey cat hit my pocket with one of his paws and seemed very upset that I wasn't answering.

"Listen it's fine baby cat it's probably not important-" I was interrupted by the cat scratching my arm.

"Bxtch-" he scratched me again. "Oh sorry you're not a dog my bad." He narrowed his eyes more somehow.

"Pussy," I said with a slight smirk.

He turned his head away unamused. Which was probably the same thing he would do regardless if he was a cat or not. Guess some things never change.

After another call I ignored I felt I should pickup the phone so after consulting with the boxes I concluded that on the 3rd call I would answer. If they didn't call back sucks for them I guess.

I tried to spark conversation with the cat in question but he continued to ignore me. I tried to touch his fur (which had now been put back into his little cat suit) but he moved away anytime I tried.

Sad day for Mama Deadpool I'd say.

The phone went off so I agreed to what I had said 5 sentences ago and answered it with a bored and unamused tone.

"Hello" I answered annoyed. "I'm sort of busy right now-" I said before being cut of by a very worried telemarketer.

"Mr. Deadpool we need to talk about who you're watching over-" "okay so maybe they weren't a telemarketer but they were at least as annoying as one. "

"Sir that hurt."

"Oh sorry I didn't mean to say my inner monologue out loud, my bad."

"It's fine Mr.Deadpool but please listen."

"Sorry no can do I have the attention span of a- oh look there's a funny looking smudge on the window over there!"

"Mr. Deadpool really we need to-"

I groan. "What do you want anyways I'm busy over here."

"About the hero you're watching over Mr.Deadpool."

"Ohhh you mean the spider pussy- hey don't scratch me you know I'm right."

"Yes about them sir-"

"What about him?"

"Well you see Mr.Deadpool we've found a lead to the feline-altering-humanizing-process."

"That sounds like a lot of words I'm going to need you to break that down for me,"

"It's a system we're looking for to alter Spider-Man's dna back into his human form, we've started calling it F.A.H.P. for short."

"Really. You're going with fahp."

"Yes sir that's kind of what we-"

"That's great you guys have fun with fahp I'll be trying to figure how to entertain this guy."

"Sir we need to report back to you in person and do some tests on the cat to see if he's changed at all since we last saw him."

"Sure thing doc we'll see you tomorrow at 5 o'clock!"

"I don't think that's-" they were interrupted by me hanging up on them.

"That was too long a phone call."

I was so immersed in the call I didn't realize the cat had been looking at me amused throughout the entire conversation I had with the anxiety filled worker. Once I looked back he turned his head again and didn't turn it back around at me.

Guess all my progress is gone then. I really thought we had something spidey why you gotta be like that :,(

Watch the author take another 2 months to post the next chapter, and I'm here to say comments are appreciated and I'd love to have my ego boosted

~Deadpool (in case you forgot I'm in the bold text)