Fading Scars

Chapter 21

Emmie

We enter the mall and I freeze. Why did I want to do this again? There are too many people and it's loud. The buzz of the loud chatters pierce through me. I hold my ears and I can hear my heart beating rapidly. Damon puts his hands over mine and he makes me look into his eyes. "It's okay, baby. I'm here," it sounds like he's whispering but as I've got two sets of hands on my ears that would do it. "What did you want to do here?" I push Damon's hands away from my ears and I remove mine. I try to block out all the noise. I hold my hand up and he slides his fingers through mine.
We walk through the mall and I cling to Damon's side and I hear someone scream and I drop to the floor. The sound triggers something inside of me. My heart is racing and I can't see. "Please don't hurt me, Damon. I'm sorry, I love you." I prepare myself for the blows to my body but I don't feel anything. I curl up into a ball and start shaking. Why is he dragging this out? I can't see so I don't know when the blows will come. A hand slides under my top and I gasp.
"I'm here baby, calm down. It's me, remember my touch. I'm not going to hurt you." I close my eyes and process what he's said. I focus on his hand and how it makes me feel. I open my eyes and I see Damon's beautiful face. I put my arms around his neck and he pulls me to my feet and I stay clutched to his neck and he kisses the top of my head whilst he holds me.
"I'm sorry," I whisper into his ear. He must find this very boring already but things trigger these memories. I wish all triggers didn't happen, I've never experienced anything like this before.
"It's okay baby, you're safe I promise." I release him and I slide my hand in his again I try once more to get to my destination. People are staring at me they must have watched whilst I was vulnerable. I try not to let it bother me but it's all I can think about eyes constantly staring at me.
I walk into the shop I want and I take a deep breath. I feel like I made it through a pack of hungry wolves. "Emmie, my love. What a surprise, what is going on with your hair?" Sebastian says. He's my hairstylist and I love him because he's gay. He's so down to earth and he makes me feel comfortable.
"I need a change and I thought you could help if you're free." I neglect my hair like I neglect myself.
"I'm glad, I don't want anyone touching your beautiful hair but me. I'm free all morning babe. Take a seat," he ushers me into his chair and I relax a little because it's quiet in here. "Did you want your usual trim or something really different?"
"Emmie, I need to take care of some calls and some business are you going to be okay for a little bit?"
"Sure Damon, we will be here a little while. Seb will look after me won't you?" I look at Sebastian and he smiles.
"Of course babe, go big or go home right?" I've know Seb for years and never have I ever had anything other than a cut and style.
"Okay well call me if you need me. I'll try and stay close, please don't wander off and don't go too mad with your hair. I think you are perfect the way you are. Here's my number, please if she needs anything call me and don't let her leave," he passes a card to Seb and he slides it in his pocket. He passes me his credit card and I slide it into my pocket.
"Damon, I need to start moving forward. I'm not as breakable as I used to be. Sure it's the worst that's happened to me because it was my family but I'm still Stefan's shining star. I'm still me, I'm fighting."
"Fine, okay. See you in a bit. By the way, you're my shining star, not his." I nod and he leaves the salon. I turn the chair so I don't need to look in the mirror.
"Babe, you've been neglecting your hair again. Look at all these split ends, what is it you're looking for?" he slides his fingers through my hair. I didn't even brush it so it's knotty.
"Well, I don't know. I just want something different to help me move forward. It has to be me though, I don't want to go bright orange or anything. Subtle but different, you think you could do that?"
"Do you trust me? I have just the thing and I'm sure you're going to love it because I can already see it in my head." I nod, I don't trust him to touch me but he's brilliant at his job. "Good, take your glasses off, babe."
I slowly slide my glasses off and the light is dull so that helps I slide my chair to face the mirror and I put the glass on the table underneath the mirror. I slide the chair back and I try and get comfy in the chair. "Babe, your eyes are really red. You doing okay?" he starts brushing my hair through whilst he talks to me.
"Yeah, I guess. Rough time recently but I'm okay." It normally annoys me when people call me babe but I know Seb wants nothing from me. He's not flirting with me and he makes having a conversation easy. No awkward small talk.
"I saw you on the news babe. Sentenced to five years in prison you vanished from the courtroom. It was all over the news for weeks. No one could explain it."
He combs my hair through instead now as it's not so knotty. "I was kidnapped Seb, I'm still trying to process everything." I don't want to go into too much detail.
"Bloody hell love, that's awful. Well, I'm here to fix this mess, I can't believe you were on the news with this hair. I was horrified." I laugh because my hair is the least of my worries. I let Seb work his magic and I relax into easy conversation. I move from the chair to the sink and back when he asks. He said he's put some treatment on my hair to keep it healthy. It doesn't bother me but he knows what he's doing. When he's done he cuts and blowdries and he does my usual of curling my hair when he's done. "Well, babe. I'm all done. What do you think? I think you look ravishing," he spins my chair and I recoil in the chair looking at my face. I really do look like shit! Bruises everywhere so why didn't Seb say anything about my face. I look at my hair and tears fall from my face. Beautiful pink streaks flow naturally through my hair. He's incorporated low lights and highlights into my hair and he's made it blend subtly through my hair.
When I asked for this I never even dreamed of something like this but I absolutely love it. My hair looks healthier and it feels lighter. Seb outdid himself this time I'm in awe. "Seb, this is...I love it so much. Thank you, this is just what I needed." I slide my glasses on and he removes my apron and I get up off the chair.
"I'm glad you like it, my love." I walk to the main desk and a lady is sat there. I hadn't even noticed the other people in here. "Babe, that will be 140 euros." I grab Damon's card out of my pocket.
"140 you say? Is that the going rate these days?" I scratch my temple and l look at the woman who's watching me.
"Is that too much for you? I can give you mates rates for my favourite customer babe." Too much for me? Really?
"That's not it, do you have an option for gratuity? Will you receive this yourself as it's your customer?"
"Honestly babe, you don't have to. Yes, this will come to me, how much do you want to add?" I shrug. Don't know really? If he made me happy then Damon would say it was priceless.
"Do you know how grateful my husband would be that you put a smile on my face after what's happened to me? No amount of money will be enough that's for sure. So, I want to add one thousand euros as a gratuity." The lady spits her coffee out in surprise and I glare at her.
"Babe, I don't know what to say." It's not a lot but it's definitely one expensive hair appointment.
"You don't need to say anything. You did more than just fix my hair, now put it through the machine." I smile and he hands me the machine for me to insert my card and type in the pin. Once it all goes through Seb is really happy. I return the card to my pocket.
"Thank you, Emmie. I can take my husband on holiday. You don't know what this means for us." I shrug. I've never needed money, I have money that I still haven't touched from Daddy. I also have my yard that's doing well and Damon won't let me contribute anything.
The salon phone rings and it makes me jump, "Cruz hair salon. How can I help?" Seb says and he frowns. "Er Sir, no I do not have your wife at gunpoint. No, I'm not interested in fucking your wife. She did it voluntarily, I don't know what to tell you mate." Oh dear god, he's embarrassing.
"Is that my husband?" Seb nods and I hold my hand out to take the phone from him, "Damon what are you doing?"
"Why did the bank ring me to tell me a payment of 1140 euros has been taken from our account? Is everything okay?"
"Damon, why do you assume the worst? I thought you'd be happy. I rewarded Seb for a top job that has might I add made me happy and I feel a million dollars. I absolutely love it, if it's such an issue then I will use my money. I'll call the bank right now."
"Emmie, stop. I don't want you using your money. Hand me back to him." I don't know what his problem. I gingerly hand him back to Seb.
I wait and Seb looks really confused, "Erm, sir I don't understand." What has Damon done now? I'll kill him, what is he playing at "I don't know what to say. Thank you, yes I'll tell her. Bye." Seb puts the phone down and he looks sheepish.
"What did he do Seb? I'll kill him you don't need to worry. He listens to me, Seb..." he looks up to me and he tilts his head to the side.
"Your husband told me he transferred five thousand euros to my bank account. He said the thousand euros wasn't enough. If I truly made you happy he thought that was peanuts." I shake my head what an over the top bastard. The woman gasps but she doesn't say anything. "He said he's five minutes away. Emmie, I'm shocked," he looks like he's going to pass out. You and me both, I thought that was more than enough personally.
"My husband is over the top but like I say my happiness is everything to him. You deserve that money and I hope it changes your life for the better like my hair has changed mine," he smiles and he runs around to hug me. I don't move or return the hug but he is showing me his gratitude. He sobs into my shoulder. I'm glad I've made his day because I feel like a new and improved Emmie.
He releases me and I say goodbye and by the time I head to the door I see Damon waiting on his phone outside the salon. I love my over the top protective husband, I run towards him and I jump into his arms. I cling my legs around his waist and I hold his neck with my arms. "Shit, Emmie," he steps backwards to keep his balance, he holds my ass to keep me up. "I'll call you back," he hangs up the phone and he slides it in his pocket and he holds my ass with both hands. I bury my face into his neck this is my favourite place to be. "Are you okay baby?"
"I'm so happy Damon, what you did well it was over the top but it meant everything to me and to Seb."
"Well in that case maybe five wasn't enough. I never thought a hair cut would make you this happy. Can I see what my six grand cost me?" I remove my face from his neck and I slowly move my head so I'm face to face with Damon. He slides his right hand through my hair but still holding me up with his left. "You look fucking beautiful but now you're going to blend in with Sully." I giggle it's not the same colour as Sully's. Mine is a hot pink and Sully's is slightly lighter and softer. He kisses me and I gasp, I'll never get used to the strong feeling he gives me and that only causes him to kiss me harder. He doesn't seem to care that we are in the middle of a shopping mall. He starts to playfully kiss my neck again I giggle. "Definitely worth the money." I continue to giggle and he puts me on my feet. "I got you something," he puts his hand in his pocket and he pulls out a ring. My ring that simple yet elegant ring. He grabs my hand and he slides it on my finger and I beam a huge smile at him. He promised he would get my ring and he did. He hands my phone to me and I try turn it on but the battery has died.
Oh well, it doesn't matter anyway, "How?"
"I went to the prison to get your belongings, you're officially on bail now. Which means you are entitled to your things. Your case is being reviewed and we are confident they will find you not guilty."
"I'm not doing it again Damon. I'm not testifying my life again, I won't, it was too hard. I'd rather just go to prison." He pulls me towards him and hugs me.
"It was all recorded Emmie, they will play it back and they will reach a verdict. Everyone was rather shocked that it was a guilty verdict anyway so we appealed it but they wouldn't review it until you were found, in case you ran on your own accord."
"It was going to be a not guilty verdict Damon." Damon looks at me like he doesn't understand, "He paid the jury to give a guilty plea. It was corrupted, he told me when I found his room behind the bookcase."
"Why didn't you tell me that before? I need to tell your lawyer so he can get on to it, it will help your case."
"Damon, I only just remembered it. Like I say I'm still confused, it makes more sense in time but sometimes I need something to trigger a memory." He grabs my hand and we walk towards the car I was so happy and carefree but now I know where we are heading. The house of doom, I know it's not the house of doom but it feels the same. Damon gets my door and I slide in.
We sit in silence on the journey back to our house, it's no longer my home. My home is where Damon is, I always felt that even back when I first met him. I was glad when I moved in with him because his house was my home. Then we finally moved into this one and it was perfect but now it haunts me. We pull up outside the house and I can't move. My body doesn't respond, Damon opens my door and holds his hand out to me. I hesitantly take his hand and he pulls me out the car. He shuts the door and I jump, every noise every movement has me jumping out of my skin. We walk hand in hand to the front door and I stop. Damon's hand reaches to my face and I automatically take a step back. Damon is reacting to my pain, his eyes are hurting but I can't help my natural impulses.
"I'm sorry Damon. I just. . . it's automatic. You were always hitting me, blows would come out of nowhere. You backhanded my face a lot so when you try to comfort me all I see and feel is a blow coming," he puts his forehead on mine and I shut my eyes. He slides his hand under my top and I squirm.
"None of this is your fault, Emmie. I can't handle that you're scared of me because I would never hurt you. I've hurt you mentally a lot without meaning to but physically I would never and that's the hardest part for me. You're scared of me and that doesn't sit well with me." I put my hand on top of his. "Are you ready, there are lots of people wanting to see you." I groan I can't handle lots of people all at once.
I breathe in and out trying to find confidence. Damon holds my hand and we walk into the house. CJ runs into my arms and I take a step back. "Mom, I've missed you so fucking bad." I slowly put my arms around him and I pull his head to my shoulder protectively. Who taught my son that it's okay to swear? It takes me a minute to process what's happening. I'm so disorientated.
"Caleb, language," I say feebly. I'm unsure of what's going on so I'm unsure how to parent right now. I haven't seen my kids in so long.
"Sorry, Mom. I've just missed you that's all. I've been training night and day, I will protect you." I don't want that for my son. I push him away from me so I can see him. He's grown up a lot in the last six months.
"All I want is for you to have a life CJ and be happy. I don't want you fueled by revenge because that makes you ruthless and I want you to stay innocent. You hear me?" he nods.
"I'm only going to be happy if you stay in my life. I have to protect you." Like father like son. I understand but I don't want him doing this to himself.
"Okay, off you go Caleb," Damon says and he smiles and walks off up the stairs. Tommy and Liam walk towards me and Tommy hugs me.
I hold him like I did Caleb, Tommy doesn't normally show me his emotions. "Oh, hey Mommy I've missed you," Liam says and I groan. Tommy takes a step back to look at me.
"Dad says I might be able to kill one of them that did this to you," Tommy growls. I look at both Damon and Liam in disgust. What have they been teaching my kids?
"No way absolutely not. Which one of you promised him that?" I growl, Damon and Liam are squirming under my stare.
"When I say, Dad. I meant both of them." I can't believe them. I'm going to kill them, why would they think that this would even be an option.
"You two are in big trouble," I say sternly. I'm so angry at how they've been raising my kids whilst I've been gone.
"Glad you are back Mom," Tommy says and Liam and Tommy walk away. It takes me being kidnapped for Tommy to open up a little bit more. Blake walks towards me and I automatically bring my hands up to protect my face I step back waiting for the blow. I lose my footing and fall to the floor.
"They got you a gooden' didn't they?" Blake says. Ow, Damon holds his hand out to me and he pulls me to my feet.
"Damon, do you have a picture?" he slides his phone out of his pocket and shows me the screen. My eyes widen when I see that Blake on the screen. I scan the face and then I look at real Blake. I hold my hand out to touch his face and he grabs my hand and he pulls me towards him. I touch his face guided by his hand. "They had you almost perfect you know?"
"Bloody hell, he does look like me, doesn't he." Blake is looking over my shoulder and not at me. "What did he do to you?"
"He acted just like you. Everything was how you would act but at the start, I knew he wasn't you. He did one on one fight training, I'd never done that with you and he hit me over and over. I got pissed off with him hitting me over and over so I used what you taught me. He thought I was a quick learner but I just did what my Blake taught me. And then I didn't want to fight anymore so it was all one-sided. I would fall to the floor more often than not and one day you got on top of me and you asked me what I was doing. I didn't know what was going on. I was confused and then you kissed me again! I didn't think you needed reminding of where that gets you so I didn't bother wasting my energy. And then Damon summoned me a while later he hit me and I flew across the kitchen. I didn't understand how one hit could send a fatty like me literally flying across the room. He hit me over and over and I begged him to stop and then he told me he saw you kiss me. I had to beg him to forgive me, I felt weak. Weak to let anyone humiliate me like that but it was Damon." I pull my hand away from Blake's face and he releases my hand. "Emmie, you aren't fat. Blake, I think she's had enough of your company." Blake smiles at me and walks off. Brody walks up to me but he doesn't touch me.
"He's been hell, Emmie. Full-on hulk mode." I laugh, it seems only I can calm him down when he's in hulk mode unless I made him transform.
"When isn't he?" I giggle. Damon grabs me from behind and kisses my neck and I squirm because it's ticklish.
"So rude, baby," Damon whispers in my ear and he bites my ear and I gasp. Why didn't I see he wasn't Damon before? I feel so stupid, I remember that I knew it wasn't him but then after time it all got confusing.
"What do you even see in him?" Brody says and I zone out. I'm an idiot because I was starting to question what I saw in him too.
"Great work weirdo," Damon snaps. I love him but he hurt me so does that make me a bad judge of character? I mean all I see is Damon hitting me over and over.
"Was it something I said?" Brody mutters. Damon slides his hand under my top again and I'm grateful, this is what I see in him. This touch, this connection.
"I...I'm still processing everything. When I close my eyes I see Damon hitting me over and over and I question myself. What do I see in him? But Damon can ground me to the here and now and then all that doubt flows away. If he wasn't there to ground me, I don't know where I'd be right now."
"Sounds like someones still jealous if you ask me." Damon says in my ear and he snuggles his nose into my neck. No, not Brody. He's moved on with Jessie, I couldn't have been that special if he slept with someone else.
"I'm engaged..." Brody says awkwardly. Aww bless him, he did it and I missed it. I miss everything important.
"That's great wierdo, I'm glad you didn't prove me wrong. Did she like the ring?" Brody glares at me.
"What do you mean you're glad I didn't prove you wrong? She absolutely adores the ring, she can't wait to show it off to you but you've already seen it."
"Well, I laid it all out for you. My plan was foolproof even a monkey could have done it." I giggle and Damon laughs too.
"Real nice Gizmo. I'll catch you later." I nod and sag my weight against Damon's chest. How many more? It's keeping me distracted but sometimes I wish I didn't have such a big family, it's exhausting.
Denny walks towards me but he doesn't touch me, "My stubborn sweet sister, I've missed you." I smile I've missed him too.
"I don't feel stubborn, I feel weak. Weak that I let him do that to me, he had so much control over me."
"Dear sister of mine. You'll be fine, I know you will. I love you." I smile at his confidence in me, it's thrilling.
"I love you too Denny," he walks away and Danny hugs me but Damon doesn't let go of me so he's technically hugging us both but Damon and Danny are quite close so who cares? Danny releases me and he stands back.
"You're looking better today Emmie. You will be the death of me, you really will." I'll be the death of myself it appears. " You look awful, you are skin and bones." They've always told me that so why is now any different? I'm fat, I've got a fair few stones to lose before I keel over.
"God overprotecting brother here we come." I roll my eyes at him. "How are you?" I don't want all the attention on me.
"I hate you sometimes. You worry about me but you've been through hell." I shrug it's who I am. I care about my family more than I do myself.
"Sorry for caring," I mutter and he slides his hand to my cheek and I smile. I wish I wasn't in this house right now.
"Oh, sis. I've missed you. I will catch up with you later." I nod and he walks off and Lilly takes his place.
"No," I close my eyes and I fall to the floor. "He got you, run. I'll protect you." I push my hand out and I try to stop him but nothing happens.
"Mommy? Daddy is she okay?" She called me Mommy. She only does that when she's scared, I have to fight harder.
"Emmie, Lilly is safe. I promise, remember the touch." He slides his hand under my top and I grab the hand. "The here and now Emmie, you are safe and Lilly is safe." He pulls me to my feet and I look at him.
"You aren't going to hurt my daughter?" I whisper. I've spent months trying to keep her safe. He kept saying she was the missing piece to the puzzle.
"Of course not Emmie. Our daughter." I look at Lilly and she looks frightened. Fuck sake I ruin everything these memories and triggers are exhausting.
I walk towards her and pull her towards me and I hug her like I did with the twins. "I'm sorry baby girl. I'm so sorry." Tears fall down my face, I should have spared her seeing me like this. "I want to speak to you about everything I missed, okay?" I release her and she nods. "I want to hear everything. I just need to lay down first." I smile and she walks away.
"I've got some errands to run, will you be okay?" I nod, I'm sure I'll be okay. He releases me and walks out the front door. I head upstairs to the dreaded room, I stop outside and I take a deep breath. Will I ever get over this sickening feeling. It's just a house, who am I kidding? It's my own personal dollhouse and I'm trapped inside. I open the door and I move one heavy foot in front of the other. Once I'm inside I close the door, it has to always be closed now. I look around the room and it all looks the same apart from no boarded windows and no cameras.
I walk over to my corner and I sit against the wall. It's different from the house of horrors but it's still too similar. I bring my knees to my chest and I hug my legs. I feel stuck here, I feel like I have to stay. It's just like the house of horrors, I felt rooted to this spot and I can't move. I don't want to be here anymore in this house but my body doesn't move. I don't know how much time passes again but it always dragged just like it is now. I shut my eyes and I see Damon, he's angry again. All I can see is his face so close to mine, he pulls my hair and I scream. I try to get him off me but nothing works.
He shouts at me and I start shaking, why do I let him do this to me? I wouldn't let anyone else treat me like this so why him? I start to hear scratching and whining. That's a new sound, I hear a dog bark from a distance. I haven't heard that noise in the house of horrors. Something big is putting its weight on me but I try to push it off. It cries and I open my eyes, it's a big hairy dog and it's trying to lick my face.
I give up and I cuddle its neck, "Emmie, are you okay?" I look up and Damon is standing in the doorway looking at me.
"Yeah, I guess. What is this?" I move my legs so the dog can comfortably sit on my lap. Why is there a dog in my house? "Shut the door please," I beg and he comes in and shuts the door.
"I got you a dog, he's a service dog and he's going to protect you." I shake my head, I don't want a dog.
"Well, you can take him back Damon. I didn't ask for a dog, how am I supposed to look after him?"
"I can't take him back Emmie. He was bred just for you, he's been waiting a long time to meet his Mommy. He's had your scent since birth, he only responds to your voice commands. He's going to look after you. He knew you needed him the minute I took him through the front door. From what I can see he's worth every cent I paid." I look at the dog and he looks incredibly calm, he's black with some brown. He looks like a german shepherd, why did he get me such a big dog? "Can you come over here? I don't want memories of you in that corner."
"Up, dog," I say and he stands, I get up and start walking to the bed and the dog instantly follows me. I sit on the end of the bed and he jumps up too. Damon sits next to me and the dog puts his front paws and head on my lap watching Damon.
"He's definitely going to look after you. His name is Hero, apt name huh? Look, I can see you hate it in this house. I know this isn't home for you anymore." Hero, I like that name. He looks at home on my lap, I guess he's cute.
"I've endured a traumatic childhood. A difficult adulthood but this... this has changed me beyond repair. When I close my eyes I see you hurting me, when I open my eyes I get triggers." It's a vicious cycle just like it was in the house of horrors.
"I've fixed you before. I can do it again." I want to believe that, I really do but when I see him hurting me it's not that easy. "Just know that I will kill this bastard when this is over."
"Kill you?" I say automatically. He lifts his hand and I flinch as Hero growls at Damon but Damon continues to move his hand towards me and he slides his hand under my top. "Shh, Hero." I say and he stops growling.
"Is that what you want? Emmie, I need to know if you are all in. I need to know that underneath this pain you are still fighting for me. If you want me to walk away I will but I know you, it scares you more the thought of me leaving." I shake my head.
"After all, I went through, Damon. I didn't want to leave you then and I don't want to leave you now. I just need time, hopefully, over time I can really process everything and my body won't go on auto and shy away from you."
"Tomorrow we are going away to Canada." I shake my head. It's too cold in Canada. I like sunny Spain.
"Why? I don't like the cold Damon, the sun helps me. You picked the wrong time to get the dog, Damon."
"I want you away from your pain. Away from your suffering, far away. His documents are all up to date and he's ready to fly. He will be fine, where you go, he goes now."
"For how long?" I'm already cold just thinking about it. Of course, Damon thought about everything with the dog.
"Until I start to get my wife back." Well, what if she doesn't come back this time? I feel okay but apparently I'm suffering from severe PTSD.
"What if she doesn't come back? Do you not like me the way I am? What if I don't go back to your wife? Will you leave me?" Will he get sick of trying to fix me?
"I'm not leaving you, baby. I have faith that you'll fight this and well if you don't I'll support you anyway. I just hate to see you hurting and I hate that it's because of me. Right, I have some work to do. There's his file and call me if you need anything."
"Have you bought his essentials yet?" Damon looks at me and shakes his head. I guess he doesn't even know what we need.
"I got you the dog, Emmie. I've never had a dog, I know nothing about them. I guess we will need to learn together on this one." I smile, he kisses me on my lips and gets up.
"I'll sort it, see you later." I grab Hero's file and I start to read it but I feel Damon still watching me.
"Don't go out on your own, okay?" I nod, I don't think I want to ever again. It creeps me out to know that he followed me most of my life.
"Sure, can you make sure you shut the bedroom door, please. It needs to be shut all the time." he frowns but shrugs. I watch him whilst he leaves and he closes the door. "Move, Hero." The dog moves off my lap, I place the file on the bed and I get up to charge my phone on the bedside table. I plug it in and place it on the table and wait for it to turn on. I sit at the top of the bed and I rest my back against the headboard and pillows. Hero gets up and lays across my legs. I reach forward and I grab Hero's file and I open the booklet. On the first page is a puppy photo and it has a familiar-looking Hoodie. I look closely and it's one of my hoodie's. I guess that was how he had my scent.
I remember he had some of my clothes at the house of horrors. My vision goes black and I see that wine stain on the clothes. My heart is beating really fast, he's coming to hurt me again. I know it, that was the dinner day. I hear a whine and something patting my legs. Then I hear a bark and I blink, Hero is trying to get my attention after I lost it again. "Good boy, Hero." I stroke his head whilst I read the rest of the booklet. He responds to most commands, sit, lay down, roll over, beg, guard, attack. Oh jeez, he's a protection and a support dog rolled into one. No wonder Damon got me this breed. There are many more commands listed but I don't really care.
Hero has been training his whole life to become his human Mommy's emotional support dog. He enjoys his work and likes to be rewarded, he puts his all into his training and he loves to please. Hero is a working dog and needs to be treated like one so he can't be distracted. No games, no people fussing over him. He needs to be focused. What a load of bullshit, so you're telling me he hasn't been able to be a dog? Well, that's hardly fair, I flick through the booklet and it shows who his parents are. The mother is a german shepherd and the father is a german shepherd X great Dane. So a big dog then, he feels big. He looks more like a german shepherd though. I haven't seen him standing up yet. He's one years old and he's a fully qualified service dog owned by Emmie Rider. Chipped and vaccinations up to date plus it shows his flea and worm regime. My phone vibrates so I pick it up, I unlock it and my phone is going crazy with notifications.
It's been well over six months since I had my phone, I go through the contacts ignoring my notifications. I press call and bring my phone to my ear. "Hello." A low husky voice replies.
"Dinosaur, can you pick me up please?" I say sweetly on the phone, he groans on the other end.
"Who is it?" I hear Damon's voice on the other end, "It's your wife," he mutters, "Is she okay?" Damon asks. "She wants me to pick her up."
"Can you talk to me please, I am the one on the phone you know. I don't like being ignored." He's pissing me off.
"Calm down, I haven't missed you, you know but I'm glad you're back. I'll pick you up in a bit, I'll text you when I'm there."
"No need, I'll wait for you outside," he hangs up and I put the phone down and leave it to vibrate as messages come through. Come on, people can't like me that much. I move Hero off my lap and I get my make up bag. I close the curtains but the light is still coming through. I sit back down and Hero flops onto my lap again. I take the glasses off and I start applying makeup. I can't go out looking like shit. I carefully apply it because of the bruising. Once I'm done I put the bag on the table next to my phone. That will have to do, I place my glasses back on and I get up off the bed grabbing my phone off charge and check my card is in the case.
I walk out the room with Hero on my heels and once Hero is out I shut the door. I shiver, that room is horrible. I walk downstairs and I put my house key in my pocket and I see Hero's lead by the front door. I don't want him running away, I already feel attached. He's been here all of five minutes and he's stopped two blackouts. I attach it to his collar and I open the front door. I expect him to pull but he waits patiently for my cues. I walk out the door and he follows. I walk to my car and I lean on it to support myself and Hero sits in front of me just watching. I see Dyno's car reverse onto the drive and I walk towards it and open it. "I'm not having that thing in my car, I've just cleaned it."
"Take it up with the Boss. Apparently, where I go he goes." I slide into the car and I tell Hero to get into the footwell but he's so big he has to put his front legs on me. I make sure he's in and I shut the door.
"If he damages my car Em I swear to god," I roll my eyes. It's just a car, it's replaceable. I stroke Hero's head.
"If he breaks your stupid car, which he won't but if he does I'll buy you a brand new one." I snap.
"Fine, where are we going then?" I look at Hero and I smile. He really is cute and he looks like he's going be loyal. He looks so happy going for a car ride.
"I need to go to a pet shop, anyone will do. I just need to get everything a dog needs," he pulls out the drive and he turns left.
"I know a place, it's not far. You look better, Em." Since when has he stared calling me Em? No one's ever called me that but I like it out of his mouth.
"I feel better but I didn't want to go on my own. I still think he's watching me, I know he's in prison but it's hard you know."
"Like Damon would let you go on your own. It was so quiet not having you around." I slap him but it was a joke so I laugh. He pretends I hurt him rubbing his arm. "When I saw you there in that corner so fragile something clicked inside of me. I mean, you're still annoying but you're family and I want to protect you. What that sick son of a bitch did to you. . ." I didn't think Dyno would ever care about me, this is new. "I wasn't really there for you before but I'm going to be there for you now, Em. I promise."
"Don't go soft on me now Dinosaur," I joke. He never really clicked with me before either but this feels genuine. It doesn't feel like Blake who loves me or Brody or Liam. This feels more like Danny or Denny, another brother. Dyno pulls up in a car park and I open the door and Hero jumps out. I slide out and I shut the door and I lean on the car for a second. Dyno walks around to me and looks at me. This is overwhelming it's too soon to be going shopping but this is me. I push boundaries, I've got this. I reach my hand down to Hero and he's so big that I can touch him without bending down. This gives me confidence.
I gently grab his thick fur and we walk into the store, "Can you grab a trolley?" I ask Dyno and he goes to find one. I walk around the store, I have no idea what I'm doing in life let alone with a dog. I collapse to the floor and put my hands on my head, I don't know what I'm doing.
"Can I help you miss? Are you okay?" I hear Hero bark at me and he puts his chin on my shoulder and whines. I hug him around his neck and he stops crying. I'm sorry mate, you are looking after me so well.
I look up at the person talking to me, she's about my age blonde and pretty but she looks friendly. "Sorry, I'm okay. I just need to get my dog everything. I just don't know where to start."
     "I can help, don't worry. Have you got a budget?" Dyno finds me with a trolley and frowns at me on the floor. He holds his hand out to me and I take it, he lifts me off the floor.
"No budget, he's my service dog. He deserves everything, I just don't know where to start." She nods at me.
"Okay well if we start here, you'll need a water bowl." I look at the bowls and I pick up two stainless steel ones it has blue around the outside with white bones on them.
"You'll need some for food although you could use the same I would use a slow feeder one for that breed. They tend to suffer from bloat if eaten food too quickly. You'll be able to gauge that as time goes on." I grab two slow feeder stainless steel bowls. I place them all in the trolley. She's being so helpful. She walks towards the food section and we follow, "I personally would go with premium dry food as it has higher nutritional density, so you can feed your dog less to achieve the same results." I point and she nods.
"Dyno can place it on the trolley, please. I still hurt," he doesn't say anything just grabs it and puts it on the bottom shelf of the trolley. She proceeds to the next section, "I see he has a collar but you should look into a harness especially if he is a service dog as you say. We have a selection of harnesses here specifically for service dogs." I pick the blue one that reads service dog do not touch. That should keep people away from me, I place it in the trolley. "What does your tag say on your collar?" I don't know.
I bend down and look at the collar, 'Return me to my owner call this number.' It's Damon's number, I guess this will do. "It has my husbands number on it. We're good," she nods and carries on.
"You'll need to decide where he sleeps but I'd get him a dog bed just in case so he's comfortable." I grab the biggest one I can see as he is a big dog, it's blue with bones that almost matches his water bowls. "You should consider shampoos for when he's smelling. I'm sure you'll take him to the groomers but for emergencies. You'll need to groom him at least three times a week with that fur." I'm so glad she's helping me, I wouldn't have a clue. I grab a bottle of shampoo and a blue brush. "Poo bags, worst part I'm afraid."
"A little dog poo is nothing compared to the shit I've dealt with." I smile trying to lighten the mood. I grab a couple of packs and place them in the trolley. She walks down the next aisle and then stops at dog treats.
"You should try not to over reward but there are some treats that help with teeth hygiene." I pick up a few packs of different treats. She walks to the dog toys, "If he's a service dog you may not want him playing with toys," she shrugs. I grab a couple of toys, I don't want him missing out on fun, just because I am damaged. I place them in the trolley and she smiles at me. "You should also consider a seat belt for the car so he's safe."
"You want me to strap him into the seat instead of myself, sure fine with me." Dyno erupts into hysterics and I scowl at him.
"Em, the dog should be on the back seat strapped in not on your lap. Boss would go crazy if he heard you say that." I slap Dyno on his arm and then grab a belt from the shelf and place it in the trolley not that I intend to use it. She walks towards some crates and I stop. "A crate can be useful to keep them in at night or in a car or even to keep them in the day if you go out. Some dogs find it comforting." I shake my head, I don't want him to feel trapped like I was in my dollhouse. I put my hands on my heads and try to breathe. Everything goes black, I can feel my heart beating rapidly.
"Please, don't hurt me," I beg. I don't want to be trapped anymore, I want to be free as a bird. I hear Hero bark.
"Is your wife okay?" the woman asks. No crates, no confined spaces, no locked doors. No house of horrors.
"Shit, she suffers with severe PTSD which is why her husband, not me got her this dog to keep her safe. She's had a bad past." I feel the dog jumping up at me and I try to stay upright. "Emmie, calm down. No one will hurt you." He jumps up again and stays on me. He barks again and I feel for his head. I shut my eyes and I hug his neck again. When I open them again I can see, and I sigh. I wish I wouldn't keep getting these triggers it's draining. I pat him and tell him he's a good boy.
"Sorry, I er, get triggers from my trauma. Only my husband can bring me out of them and well I guess so can Hero." Hero get's off of me and I try to get my balance again.
"That was amazing to see how he knew one was coming on and he brought you out of it pretty quickly. Amazing dog, is he well trained? He seems like it. He must have cost a fortune."
     "My husband goes overboard with money where I'm concerned nothing is too much money. He's well trained for sure."
"Hero, sit," she commands but he doesn't respond. She tries again but also uses hand gestures, "Hero, sit."
"Apparently he only responds to me. My husband said that he's truly mine he can't be returned because he had my scent when he was born and he is trained to my voice only." I look at Hero. "Sit," he does so immediately. "Speak," he barks instantly, "Guard," he runs behind me and pushes between my legs and he sits between my legs underneath me. "Dyno, come here." he walks towards me and Hero growls and keeps his eyes fixed on Dyno. "Go to touch me."
"Em, are you trying to kill me?" he slowly goes to touch me and Hero barks ferociously and jumps towards him but doesn't move from underneath me. Dyno quickly withdraws his hand.
     "Hero, stop." He lays down and stops guarding me. "I think my husband got him trained to protect me as I've been hurt a lot mainly by men."
"Wow, a dog like that would be worth millions. Most service dogs are trained to respond to more than one person. Is he fully certified for a service dog?"
I shrug, "I'm sure I saw it in his file." I hold the trolley for support, I feel exhausted after today. It's the most I've done in a long time.
"Cool well, you need to put it in the harness so if you get asked they can see it on there." I nod, sure I can do that. "That's all I can think of for now. You need to keep up on his worm and flea treatment which you can get from here or your vet. You'll need to register him at a vet as soon as you can. Is there anything else I can help you with?" I shake my head and look at her name tag. Sofia, nice name.
"Dyno, you have any cash on you?" he pulls out his wallet and he counts his cash. I grab the whole lot from him and he glares at me.
"Here, I want to say thank you. Here's a tip from a crazy appreciative woman. I couldn't have done this without you."
"Er, this is too much there is nearly 200 euros here. I can't accept it," she tries to give it back but I don't let her.
"Honestly I wish I had more to give you. I was freaking out when I arrived and you were so lovely to come help the crazy looking woman. This is my first outing without my husband since I was kidnapped for six months. I probably shouldn't be out so soon but people call me stubborn."
"You are stubborn Em, there's no other word for it unless you want to call it reckless or stupidity." Dyno mocks me.
"Yeah okay, Dinosaur. I am myself and I can still kick your ass." I love that he's not treating me as fragile.
"I guess I can see why you have the dog. Well, if you're sure I am so grateful and come find me again another time if you need help. I'm here most of the time."
"Thank you, I'm sure I'll need your help again soon." I start to walk and Hero gets up and follows me instantly. Dyno and I walk to the tills and Dyno does most of the work.
"You owe me money you know," Dyno growls, yeah yeah, I pay my debts.
"We need to work on your gang rep. Scared like a baby because of a dog?" I throw my head back and laugh. He glares at me but then gently nudges me with his body. I can't wait to go home and sort out Hero's goodies. I feel exhausted but I'm so excited for life especially with Hero by my side. I don't need to rely on Damon as much as I used to because Damon isn't the only one that can keep me grounded anymore. I never even thought about a dog but now I have Hero I can't imagine my life without him anymore.