No One Really Understands

A Mutant. A Misfit. A Freak.

The young boy stood in his room, his arms crossed defensively over his thin chest, trying to fight off the bitter thoughts currently swirling through his head.

Mutant. Freak.

Karkat sighed loudly, closing his eyes and running a hand through his messy black curls. Almost 10 hours after he'd been home from school, and he still couldn't get the taunts and threats of the bullies out of his head. It wasn't like it was anything new, not by any means, but it still hurt. It never really got much easier to deal with, even after so long. And all because of Kankri, too, always insisting on wearing that damn red sweater to show off their blood color, like it was something not to be utterly ashamed of. Yeah right.

Karkat had snapped at him about it one day, after limping home from a particularly nasty day of abuse and teasing. "What do you fucking think?" he'd muttered when Kankri asked him about it. "Maybe it's because that stupid fucking sweater you always fucking wear tells people to pick on me specifically. Don't you get it? People. Don't. Fucking. Like. Red. Blood." That hadn't changed anything, though. All that got him was an hour long lecture about his language. God, it was like Kankri didn't even give a damn about what was happening to Karkat because of his stupid "social justice experiment," or whatever the fuck he was calling it now.

Karkat paced around his semi-cluttered room, trying to make himself tired enough to fall asleep. If he could just fall asleep already, he'd finally be able to leave this shitty day behind. And he wouldn't have to do... that either.

Worthless piece of shit. You should just kill yourself already. You'd be doing us a favor.

Karkat reached out and lightly brushed the wall before turning and walking the other way, sighing quietly. His hand fell to his side, reaching over to rub gently at his wrist. He could feel what hid just beyond the cover of the long sleeves of his sweater. His secrets.

Karkat stopped mid step. He closed his eyes, a familiar tightness growing in his chest. He let out a soft sigh as tears stung at his eyes. Dammit.

He sat down where he was, pressing his hands over his eyes. No. No no no no. He couldn't keep doing this every night. He couldn't keep breaking down and crying every time someone said something kind of mean to him. It wasn't like crying was gonna help anything. All it did was show just how weak he was.

You useless fucking idiot. Why won't you just fucking die already?

A quiet, strangled sob slipped from his mouth, his voice dry and gravelly after so many hours of not talking. He, unlike his motormouth of a brother, was quiet most of the time. He'd learned that if he opened his mouth at the wrong time around the wrong people, there was a good chance he'd get beat up. He knew his place: seen (if even that) but not heard. But even still, the things they said still stung.

As he wiped a stray tear from his cheek, Karkat heard a soft "ping!" from his computer. Someone was pestering him. He went to check it and saw that it was Terezi.

Pyropemaniac: H3Y KK. YOU ST1LL 4W4K3?

For a moment, Karkat was confused as to why she'd be up this late, but then he remembered. Terezi wasn't known for going to sleep before at least midnight. He slip into his chair to reply to her, grateful for a distraction from his messy head.

Vantasshole: YEAH. CANT SLEEP. YOU?

Pyropemaniac: W3LL YOU KNOW M3. 1 N3V3R SL33P B3FOR3 2 BUT YOUR3 NOT USU4LLY ON3 FOR 1NSOMN14. WH4TS UP?

Karkat hesitated a bit. She wouldn't care about what was going on with him at school. Would she? It wasn't like anyone else did. And besides, it was just him. It wasn't like it mattered.

Vantasshole: JUST... A LITTLE NERVOUS FOR SCHOOL. STILL SEEMS SO WEIRD THAT WE'RE REALLY IN HIGH SCHOOL Y'KNOW?

Pyropemaniac: Y34H, TOT4LLY. ST1LL NOT US3D TO S331NG D4V3 3V3RY D4Y. NOT TH4T 1M COMPL41N1NG >;]

Karkat allowed himself a small smile despite his mood. Terezi was obsessed with Dave these days, and when she found they'd be going to the same high school as him, she'd been over the moon and had kept Karkat up until almost 2 am in her excitement.

Vantasshole: WOW WAY TO SOUND CREEPY AS FUCK

Pyropemaniac: 1 JUST THINK H3S COOL OK! 4-4ND H3S GOT COOL 3Y3S. TH3YR3 PR3TTY. H4V3 YOU S33N TH3M? TH3YR3 PR3TTY.

Vantasshole: TEREZI YOU'RE BLIND.

Pyropemaniac: UGH. F1N3. TH3Y SOUND L1K3 TH3YD LOOK COOL. 1S TH4T B3TT3R? 1 M34N CMON. TH3YR3 R3D. IV3 N3V3R H34RD OF 4NYON3 WITH R3D 3Y3S B3FOR3. SOUNDS R4D AS FUCK.

Vantasshole: UH HUH. SURE. LISTEN, I GOTTA GO. ITS GETTING LATE, AND UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE, I ACTUALLY REQUIRE SLEEP TO FUNCTION.

Pyropemaniac: WOW. LOW BLOW, V4NT4S. YOU CUT M3 D33P. 1M HURT. R34LLY.

Vantassshole: JUST GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP YOU ASSHOLE.

Pyropemaniac: 1 THOUGHT THAT WAS YOUR HANDLE NOT MINE >:]

Vantasshole: FUCK OFF

Pyropemaniac: F1N3. N1GHT K4RK1TTY >:P

Vantasshole: NIGHT.

~[Pyropemaniac] has disconnected.~

Karkat sat back in his chair, a small smile on his lips at Terezi's antics. She was ridiculous. But he loved her. He looked away, the smile slowly fading from his lips. At the very least, he hadn't been totally lying. He was nervous about tomorrow, the first day of their 4th week in high school. And to make it even worse, last Friday, he'd been given quite a shock when none other than Dave strode into Karkat's 3rd period English class. There'd been some problems with Strider's schedule and it turned out that he was in Karkat's class. Several of his classes, actually. The whole rest of the period, Karkat had sat tense in his seat, occasionally glancing over to where Dave sat in the back of the room, his cheeks flushed. Not that he'd ever admit it if anyone asked, but Karkat had developed something of a crush on the younger Strider, ever since they'd first met over the summer. It was a pretty gradual love, but after several weeks, he realized just how strong it was, and he'd been nearly smitten ever since..

Karkat shook his head to clear away the thoughts and sighed again, rising from his chair. It doesn't even matter, he scolded himself as he changed into his pajamas. It's not like he'd ever like you back. Dave's already dating John, and there's no way he'd ever like someone as disgusting as you.

Karkat slid into bed and rolled over, staring at the wall. He sighed softly after a moment and then closed his eyes. As usual, it took him almost twenty minutes until he finally drifted off to sleep. As he did, he felt the fear and anticipation run together into a sticky, wet mess of feelings in his chest.

He imagined it was red.






A/N: well. This is the first chapter of the first homestuck fanfic I have ever attempted to write. I thought it turned out well, but it's not up to me. So, did you like it? Did you hate it? Comment what you think about it below. Thanks.

A/N: HA.

SO.

HEY.

IM BACK ASSHOLES.

nah jk this was just bothering me too much as shitty as it was to just leave alone, so i just. rewrote it. its a little better now. not by much but its still not as shitty as before. yeah. enjoy, i guess. i might redo some more chapters too so watch out for that.

see you later.