Daisy is the soft-hearted mother of one with a dark past and an ex husband she's running from. She's spent the past six months building a new life for her and her daughter, Hope, trying to blend into the world around them. Her memories are tainted...
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Nate: see you Friday x Me: see you Friday too xx
A kiss. A simple 'x' that is one line crossed with another. It's used in lots of words. Can be used to identify as something being 'wrong'. All the different ways you can us it, yet the reason he's used it is different.
If I put a kiss on the end of a text it's to be nice. Friendly. Only this wasn't to be friendly. It's his way of showing his feelings. That he likes me. Likes me in a more intimate way than a friend, and now we were going on a date.
A date that meant potential actual kisses. His mouth on mine. Not a line crossed with a line. An actual, real life, kiss. I was supposed to be panicking, and I sounded like I was. Maybe I was a little. But I was more excited. Deep down I couldn't wait to kiss him. I couldn't wait to roam my hands all over him.
I swallowed as I daydreamed over Nate. Realisation hit that me that I wasn't the same woman a few years back that had the freedom to like a man, and pursue him.
My stomach sunk at the thought of actually trying to be intimate again, and attempting to confide in somebody, or trust them. Could I tell Nate everything about me and Robert? Could I trust that he wouldn't hurt me like Robert did?
Hope was also an important consideration in this. Her happiness meant everything to me, therefore I needed to keep her safe. What if she couldn't feel safe around Nate? What about getting her to understand that Nate isn't her daddy?
Jesus Daisy you're only going on a date.
Maybe that was true, but part of me wants this to work out. I want him to be perfect, caring, protective, and someone I can trust. Someone Hope can trust, and feel safe with too. She definitely will not remember what her daddy used to do to me, but that doesn't mean that hearing my cries, screams, and Roberts aggressive voice when he was angry, didn't disturb her. At a young age, children are sensitive to noise, and they learn a lot from a tone of someone's voice. Hearing somebody shout, dripping with anger, can scare a child; therefore affecting them as they grow up. I've thought about it non stop since she was born. I don't want my child anxious long term because of that evil, sadistic man.
Everything was a mess. I was a mess. Amanda said I needed try move on, and that Nate seemed like a really sweet guy. She said he was so concerned about me when I had a panic attack last week. She was in awe of how much he cared about me when he barely knew me.
I need this date, it's important for me. I needed to learn to love again, and trust.
Right. Time to find something to wear. Enough of all this emotional talk. I need to find an outfit.
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