What I Want

I Need Someone to Listen

"Tell me something." He whispered, his cheeks turning red as he messed up his hair.

I giggled and leaned on his shoulder. "Like what?"

"Something...something no one knows."

I hummed in thought, then bit my lip. "You sure?"

"Yeah. I wanna be the first to know everything."

"Well...I... I had a plan to kill myself at eighteen. I was gonna slit my throat in my bathtub. Didn't wanna leave a note." I lifted my head to see his reaction; the concerned, glossy eyes I knew I would get.

"Why?"

"I...had no plans for the future at the time. I figured if I didn't know and my depression wasn't any better by the time I graduated then I should just end it. But I enjoyed being a senior. Hanging out with friends, prom, graduation party. So my depression got better."

"Was Sophie part of it?"

"Helping or hurting me?" I giggled.

"How did she hurt you?"

"She disappeared on me one day. Went to hang out with a group of guys. I couldn't get ahold of her so I assumed the worst. Figured they had sex with her and ditched her somewhere. Knowing her and them it didn't seem impossible. I got worried she was just thrown out somewhere because I bumped into three of the guys she was supposed to be with."

"Was she okay?"

"I don't know. I was too pissed at her for just ignoring me in favor of getting laid. I didn't ask what all happened and I still don't care. She can't understand that the guys she picks out just want sex. They speed straight to saying I love you to get into her pants. I tried to show her what I saw, but she doesn't want to listen. So I just let it go and roll my eyes when she talks about guys now."

"But...she helped your depression too, right?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "Even though I disagree with a lot of stuff she does and thinks, I can't deny that she's the only one who will listen to me whine. Well, at least, that was before you."

"Is that it? The whole reason you're still friends?"

"Mmm at this point, yeah."