What I Want

Imagination

When I think about killing myself, I like to think you'd be disappointed in me for doing it.

And when I tell myself no one loves me, I like to think you'd be upset with me for thinking so little of you.

When I think I'm ugly, I like to think you're attracted to me just a little and that's why you thought you wanted to date me.

When I starve myself, I like to think you'd be disappointed in me for making poor health choices.

When I feel like cutting my thighs, I like to think that one day I'll regret it because then I'd never be able to wear shorts and go on hiking trips with you.

When I realize that I'm truly alone, I like to think that you've thought about me at least once that day.

When I feel like crying, I like to think that one day you'll hold me through some of my future break downs.

I love to tear myself down, but the thought of you makes me want to be better, so that I'll be worthy of having someone like you in my life.