I Built This Home For Me, For You

Chapter 16

It was still dark, and Lauren was sitting alone in her study, a pen clutched in hand and a look of concentration on her face as she stared down at the paper in front of her, rereading what she already had.

Dear Camila,

Merry Christmas darling. I know the holidays always mean so much to you, and I hope this year it's just as special, even with everything that's going on. We've got everyone together, so I know that's what's really important to you, and I hope you know how important that is to me too. Every Christmas, I'm so grateful to you for giving me this family - I don't think I could imagine my life without any of you in it. I couldn't imagine my life without you.

Do you remember Daisy's first Christmas? She was the first grandchild and was spoilt rotten by us all - I don't think we could even walk through the living room without stepping on a present, and she only wanted to play with the boxes. I never really understood why people love Christmas so much until I met you, and your family showed me what it was like to spend the holidays being happy as a family, but having a kid to spoil taught me more about how that feels. Sometimes I miss them being little, when they didn't know that Santa wasn't real, and I'd make them leave twelve cookies out for him, just to watch your face light up when you got to eat them all. I know they're not too old yet that Christmas doesn't still feel magical, so I really hope we can make things feel as special as always. We'll just slip Maggie a few extra drinks and have her keep the ball rolling if things start getting depressing, seeing as she likes to think she's the fun one.

It doesn't matter how we spend our Christmas though, because I'll be spending it with you, and that's something that I'll never take for granted. Despite everything, each moment with you is a moment I cherish more dearly than any gift, because that in itself is a gift. I hope you know that I truly do cherish it all - the arguments, the kisses, the photographs. Each time you fill up an album, it makes me feel like we've come so far, and we haven't wasted a moment of that time together. I know that one day, we'll be so grateful for all of the photos in them, especially when we can't remember those memories on our own. I hope you take lots of pictures today, so that you can add them to the albums too. I hope we have a Christmas that's wonderful enough to warrant remembering - no, I know we will. Every moment with you is worth remembering, even the bad ones, and we've been lucky enough to only have a few of them.

God, we've been lucky - I've been lucky - and I'm so thankful for everything you give me every day. I don't know what it is about Christmas - maybe it's because it's the only uninterrupted time longer than a couple of days that we all get to spend together - but it makes me more appreciative of what you've given me. Who I was before I met you seems so far away from who I am now, and I know that it's because I met you. What a stroke of luck that was, and how you changed my life so much with one cup of coffee. You've continued to change my life every day since then, and I know that you'll make today as special as always. It's one of the many, many things I love about you, and I don't know if I tell you that enough, but your unwavering happiness and your big heart is still the same as the day we met. Some things never change, like Christmas sweaters and peppermint hot chocolate, but some things do, like getting to spend every holiday with you, which was such a relief after missing so much our first year together. One thing that has never changed though is how much I love you. Not a single day has passed by where I don't think about loving you, and I know that I never will.

Merry Christmas, my love. I can't wait for another day of snowball fights in our pajamas and photographs of all the special things. I can't wait for another day of loving you with my whole heart and making the most of our time as a family.

Yours forever,

Lauren xxx

Happy with what she'd written, Lauren carefully folded the letter and put it into an envelope, tucking the flap inside and then writing Camila's name on the front with a flourish. Spinning around in her chair, she looked out the window, staring at the frozen stretch of grass behind the house, before it reached the small maze, which looked like walls of ice from all of the snow covering it. The sky was a hazy blue on the horizon, making the skeletal trees slightly visible as she stared outside, thinking deeply about things. She felt nervous about the day, and the feeling had been growing over the past week and the reason why was so glaringly obvious; what if this was Clara's last Christmas? Her mom was going to start her treatment in a few days, with her healing well after her surgery, and Lauren couldn't help but feel scared. Lauren didn't want Christmas to be any different than usual, but there was also the fear that it might be the last time they were all together again for it, and she let out a shaky breath as she watched a flurry of snow pelt the window, leaving dark shadowy dots on the glass.