𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐒 | Jake Peralta

nine.

N I N E

"voiding spaces"

—

Sarah's POV

WHY DID I SAY THAT?

Sarah winced and squeezed her eyes shut, she didn't want to see the reactions she'd caused. But before doing that she'd already caught the faces of the others, Jake's was of confusion, her parent's were of shock, and Harper's and Ben's of somewhat amusement. 

"But you said before that you were not dating," Elisa stammered, her face turning a little red. 

Before Sarah could try with some other lie, Jake saved her. "Yeah, because she knows you. She knew you would react like that. But we are dating," he took Sarah's hand and lifted it, challenging Anthony with his gaze. Sarah's father pressed his lips.

"No!" he shouted. "As long as I am alive you will not date a single cop! They are all dirty! And besides this man is not good enough for you!"

"You don't get to decide that," said Sarah, frowning. She made sure that Jake was not uncomfortable, but, on the contrary, he looked happy. Sarah knew that he was excellent supporting in that kind of situations, like when Rosa had come out to the squad. 

"Okay, if you are dating a cop, if you keep using contractions and if you disrespect us one more time, then you are not invited to our next dinner," Anthony snarled. 

Silent fell over the table, the only thing that could be heard were Ben's snickers. Sarah found herself holding tears. Why? She should be happy, she had gotten herself and Jake into that and now she was going out. But deep down it hurt. It hurt to see that look on her mother's face, like she agreed and thought that it was fair. 

Sarah felt a hand touching her knee and lowered her head to see that it was Jake's. He smiled warmly at her, and she returned the smirk but did not mean it. 

Gulping she stood up. "I guess I'm not comming to your next dinner, then," she said, and Jake stood up as well, hesitantly. "I can date whoever I want, even if it's a cop that uses contractions and whose favorite drink is orange soda," she joked, but soon she felt like she wasn't lying anymore. "I like Jake, fine? If I want to be with him, I will, you cannot limit me that way," she glanced at a blushed Jake and nodded. "We're leaving."

Sarah lead the way to the entrance without looking behind or saying goodbye. There was a horrible feeling knotting her throat, though it was sort of easy to ignore. Jake grabbed his coat from the rack and they got out into the cold night air. None of them spoke as they got inside Sarah's car and she started the engine, nor when she began to drive through the road back home. 

For the first time of their friendship, it was an unbearable silence. Awkward, uncomfortable. Neither liked it but didn't do anything to stop it either. It was until they both tried to break it.

"Listen," they said at the same time, and then chuckled.

"You go first," said Jake, and Sarah lowered her head. She wanted to say so many things. She wanted to thank Jake but also apologize to him.

"I'm sorry for tonight—"

"'I'm sorry for tonight' title of your sex tape!" Jake cut, but she shook her head.

"No, Jake, I'm being serious this time," Sarah replied, and his smile vanished immediately, a concerned expression replacing it. "I've been acting like an idiot and you're always the one apologizing. First I was acting weird and I never gave you any explanations, but then I asked for them when you started acting weird too. And you did have a reason, an understandable one. But I was only being a jerk."

Jake scoffed. "What are you talking about?"

Sarah pressed her fingers against the steering wheel. Couldn't she just shut her mouth for a second? Now Jake was actually asking for explanations she couldn't give him. He leaned on his seat to see Sarah's face.

"Sarah. What are you talking about?"

Oh god. "That morning when you and Amy were talking and I suddenly left my desk..." she took a deep breath. "It was because I got jealous. I know it's an ugly emotion and that I shouldn't get jealous, but I couldn't help it, and seeing you with her hurt me."

Jake gasped. "Sarah, you like Amy?"

"No!" said Sarah, rolling her eyes. "I was jealous of her, Jacob! I like you!" she rasped, and then realized that she had just snapped the secret she was ashamed of. 

"Ohh," Jake laughed, and then his eyes widened. "Wait—you like me?"

"Y...yeah..." Sarah mumbled, not timidly but hesitantly. What she feared the most of Jake finding out was that it would ruin their friendship, that it would all get awkward or that he wouldn't talk to her anymore. Jake was not shy or an imbecil, but he did stay silent for the rest of the ride. 

She felt like she had lost something, an epmty space inside her. First, she knew that it would happen some time before she could visit her parents again. It wasn't like it was the best thing, but knowing that they were mad was not something she'd like to keep in mind.

And, second, she had screwed her friendship with Jake once more. It had been like a wave the last few days, and she rode lower every time. 

They arrived to Jake's apartment, where they said goodbye to each other mousily, and then she saw Jake entering the building without looking back, sighing, his breath against the cold air. Sarah closed her eyes and rested her head on the steering wheel. She knew she would have nightmares again.

Jake's POV

"I like Jake, fine?" Those words wouldn't stop repeating in his head, over and over again, as he and Sarah entered her car to get back to his apartment. Dinner at her parents' had started off not that bad, but it had gotten out of control. Or at least for Jake's plan. He wanted to make Sarah smile, and he felt like he'd achieved the opposite. She looked upset.

She left him in his apartment after the talk they had had on the way. He wished it would end, fearing it would get them in a fight. But he had gotten a worse result: silence.

Ashamed and overwhelmed, Jake leaned against the wall of the elevator, closing his eyes. If it would've gone like he wanted, Sarah would be there, with him, and then they would watch Die Hard together and fall asleep next to each other. That was asking too much, of course, Jake knew that it was only a fantasy. 

In the beginning of the night, he felt like that thing he was missing had come back, but then it was taken from him again. However, he was kind of happy. Sarah had admitted that she liked Jake. "I like Jake, fine? If I want to be with him, I will."

He entered his apartment with a smile. Jake had totally forgotten about the bad moments of dinner, all he could think of was that, which encouraged him even more to confess his feelings to Sarah. 

Jake grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat on his couch, alone. He was going to watch Die Hard. Alone. Next day, opposite to what he was planning, he was gonna drive to the precinct alone. But happinnes blinded him. That kind of nights would not repeat from next day on, when he asked Sarah to go out with him.

He nodded off on his couch soon.

Oh, poor naive Jakey. He wouldn't get what he wanted that easy.

—