Chapter 84: Drummer Boys Say Good-Bye

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Bodie

When we get to the band house, Leed greets us at the door. He's solemn, no play, no joy.

"Be quiet, Trace doesn't know either of you are here yet and you'll want a few minutes alone..." he sweeps a hand toward the small study at the front of the house where we do video conferences and phone interviews.

Leed grabs Marley's hand and drags her away without anymore words. His curtness hurts, but I understand it better when I open the door.

I am completely shook to see Row draped on the small couch, her hand looking three times its size and swathed like a mummy's. She's sitting with legs splayed slightly and an aimless expression turned toward the window.

She looks boneless. When she turns to me and smiles, I realize she's high on painkillers.

I stare at her hand, mine clenching, wishing I had about a half a bottle. That's what it would take, to make me not feel this.

I cross, drop to my knees in front of her, my head bowed in surrender.

"Oh, baby girl, tell me what to do."

"Get up."

"Can't do that. I think this is where I'll live the rest of my life. On my knees, begging for your forgiveness."

With some effort, she struggles against her oxy haze to sit forward, putting her good hand around my shoulder.

"My Bodie-Buddy, with so many secrets," she pats me soothingly. "Wanna hear a secret?"

She leans forward and whispers in my ear and though she sounds completely lucid, I can't believe she means any of it.

"You're high, Sweetheart," I mumble through the tenseness in my throat that precedes the water rising to my eyes.

"I can be high and mean what I say. I have tolerance out the ass."

I kiss the knees of my crazy, wild, wonderful friend. "Don't make me laugh, it doesn't go with my grovelin'."

She tilts my chin, forcing my eyes up to hears. "Fucking stop. I mean it. It doesn't feel like sorry. It feels like pity."

Okay, I guess I can see that. And I know, worse than anything, Row hates to be seen as weak or pitiable.

But what she's feeling, it just doesn't square with what I'm feeling.

"Alright. Let's make it feel like something else," I say, pulling her to her feet.

"Like what?"

"Let's make it feel fair."

I coax her to the kitchen where Leed, Mac, Adam, and Marley are standing around the bar. Still holding Row's hand I rummage the utility drawer and pull out a hammer. I put it in Row's good hand, and I put my right hand on the marble counter.

"Do it," I encourage. "It's okay. A hand for a hand. I want you to do it."

"Whoa—"

"Shut-up Leed. Do it, Row. Go ahead." I give my hand a last look. Honestly I don't think it matters. Or it won't, after this meeting.

Row laughs at me. "You are so stupid. I'm not gonna smash your hand."

"You have every right," I remind her.

"I have no desire. I just told you, I want to—"

"I'll do it," A tense voice says from behind. We all turn to see Trace, standing at the top of the basement steps.

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