Chapter Four: Samara

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I get home from getting the family groceries, tossing my keys in the bowl across from the front door.

It may seem weird to some that I'm out and about only a week after he died, but what can I say? Life goes on. I have like a zillion younger siblings running around here, and my older sister, Evangeline, is home from university for the summer months. Plus my parents and myself, there are a lot of mouths around here to feed. And somebody's gotta feed 'em.

Besides, I thought getting out would be a distraction. But it wasn't. For the first time in my life, driving was hell. I was so nervous, I barely made it out of the driveway. I drove below the speed limit for once, and kept checking my mirrors every half second.

I'm not one bit sorry 'bout it though. If this situation could bring any good, it's taught me that it really is better to be safe than sorry.

Safe brings light. Joy. The continuation of normalcy.

Sorry brings darkness and the empty feeling of regret that you'll never be able to shake.
Safe ensures parents keep their children , and friends stay in each other's lives; and that those lives are full, and hopeful, and lived. Safe keeps your world together.

Sorry tears it apart.

Before you even know it's destroyed.


Once I put the food away, I head up to my room and collapse on my bed.

I finally let out a huge exhale, and sob quietly into my pillow.

"Sami?" I turn my head to find Evangeline standing in my door way. Her light brown hair is pulled back, and her green eyes glow in the darkness surrounding us. She puts her hand on her hip and tilts her head slightly.

"What's going on hun," she asks.

As soon as she asks, I feel like I'm five again. Like my big sister has magical powers that will protect me from the big, bad world. From pain. From loss.

So, I just run into her arms, like it's the most natural thing ever. Because it is. Because it's always been.

"I miss him, Evie, I really miss him." I sob unfiltered, for the first time. She wraps her arms around me, gently stroking my back.
"Oh Sami, of course you do, honey. Come on over to my room. We'll watch a movie."

I spent the rest of the night snuggled up to Evangeline, watching the lights on the screen blink slowly, until I fall asleep.

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