Just A Harmless Joke

Chapter 2: Public Displays of Affection

By lunchtime, nearly all of Hogwarts knew about the Fred and Hermione scandal. Parvati told her twin sister, Padma, which ensured that almost every Ravenclaw would know within a few hours. Lavender visited the Hufflepuff table during breakfast, eagerly filling in her fifth-year friends on all the things she'd heard or presumed; before long there wasn't a Hufflepuff who hadn't heard. The Slytherins caught snippets of the conversations off the Hufflepuffs during their first class; soon the entire Slytherin house knew about "Potter's Mudblood whore's flea-bitten, Muggle-loving blood traitor of a boyfriend." Even the portraits and ghosts were exchanging gossip.

The Gryffindor fifth-years had potions right after the seventh-years, and Hermione was waiting for Snape to dismiss the class, her hand clenching and unclenching around her wand. Snape was keeping the class over for some reason-probably punishing them-and it was pissing her off even more.

For she had resolved to kill Fred.

Gryffindors in her year had the morning off, and she'd gone to the library to study. All day, she'd put up with jeers about Fred and people running up to ask about her "relationship" with him. When Lavender had finally told her, "That's not what he said," during lunch, Hermione had skived off Arithmancy to storm up to the north tower, where Harry and Ron had told her the whole story before they went to Divination.

So Hermione had been waiting for fifteen minutes now, having showed up early... which was stupid of her, she now realized, as Snape wouldn't have released the class early without having had a lobotomy. Other Gryffindors were turning up now, as were Slytherins, who made a few sneering remarks at her, but she didn't even hear them through her blind rage. Eventually everyone became fixated on a Ron-and-Harry-versus-Malfoy fight; that is, until Fred and George walked out. She suddenly realized that she was too worked up to tell them apart and didn't know which twin to curse into oblivion.

"Stupid prat," one of them said, probably in reference to Snape. "I'm about ready to blow off Herbology, what'd'ya say, Fred?"

Some dim corner of her brain said Ah ha! but she had already acted, leaping forward and pinning Fred to the wall. The shocked-as-hell look on his face was comical (or would have been if she hadn't been so homicidal she'd actually forgotten about drawing her wand).

Fred recovered from his surprise quickly, grinning at her in a way that infuriated her more. "Why, Hermione, dear, I know you like it rough but I thought we'd talked about public displays of affection-"

George was making a strangled sound in his throat that might have been a cover for laughter. The seventh-year Gryffindors that had elected to take potions in their last year-including Lee, and Fred's occasional date for dances or Hogsmeade weekends, Angelina Johnson-were watching with as much interest as the fifth-year Gryffindors and Slytherins.

"You... I'll kill you... you... piece... of... shit..." Hermione spat. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?"

"What?" Fred asked innocently. "Oh, you mean how I told everyone about... us?" He stressed the last word. Harry, Ron, George, Angelina, and Lee, the only ones who knew the truth, all began shaking their heads frantically, having realized that Hermione was definitely going to kill him and hoping Fred would quit before certain death occurred. "I'm sorry, darling, but Parvati and Lavender caught me leaving last night and I thought it would be useless to try to pretend we weren't seeing each other." With the exception of the five spectator Gryffindors in on the joke (who cringed), everyone's eyes widened at that, including Hermione's.

"What?" she spluttered.

"Don't worry, Hermione, now that our secret is out, things will be so much better. No more getting it on in secret passages and broom closets-don't know why we kept it a secret in the first place."

George smacked his forehead, muttering that his twin was doomed. Hermione drew back her fist, and Fred acted-half to keep himself from receiving a black eye or a broken nose, and half because he just couldn't help himself; the attention of the Gryffindors and Slytherins was egging him on.

He kissed her.

Several books fell from hands. Jaws dropped. Both Hermione and Fred's closest friends looked on with a mixture of horror, awe, shock, and amusement. "Now that's Gryffindor bravery," Lee mumbled.

Fred wasn't sure what possessed him to do it; self-preservation was what he blamed his actions on later. Whatever the reason, he kissed her like there was no tomorrow, sliding his tongue inside her open mouth. Hermione's shock wasn't wearing off-meaning she hadn't bitten his tongue in two-and Fred reached up and ran his fingers through her hair, wishing suddenly that he'd kissed her in a way that didn't mean he'd just committed suicide. Harry and Ron exchanged glances with George, Lee, and Angelina; the moments stretched and, while the five of them knew from Hermione's stance (she had stiffened with her fist still poised to strike, and she wasn't moving) that she wasn't reciprocating it, it was still an awfully long time for her to not gather her wits.

Hermione, meantime, felt her resolve weakening as he caressed her mouth with his own, and the therapeutic feeling of his hands in her hair made her eyes droop and close. Later she would blame it on surprise and mental health issues, but she kissed back.

Fred was startled beyond belief when she responded. He could tell her fist was still drawn back, and perhaps it was the fact that Fred knew he was in for it when he stopped, or (more likely) perhaps it was the fact that Hermione was a good kisser, but Fred eventually drew her against him with one hand and held her tightly around the waist.

Unfortunately, the motion snapped her out of it. She pulled back after only a moment in his arms, ready to knock him silly-he'd kissed her! In front of her classmates! After telling them some bogus lie!

Yet even more unfortunately, she hadn't pulled away soon enough. Professor Snape had come into the hall, wondering why no one was entering his class and why the corridor was eerily quiet when he could see several Gryffindors from his desk.

Snape, startled and disgusted, took a step back at almost the same instant as Hermione, and saved Fred from his bloody fate, however inadvertently. "Weasley! Granger! What is the meaning of this!"

The whole lot of them-Slytherins and Gryffindors alike-jumped in surprise. Hermione didn't turn around, staring at Fred with a mortified expression, her arm still raised to beat him senseless. "Detention, both of you," Snape barked. "The rest of you, inside, now."

No one moved. "I said now!" Snape fairly shouted. Everyone jumped again, scrambling to retrieve dropped books and bags.

Hermione's eyes narrowed. With a kick in the shins that made Fred yelp, she picked up her bag and flounced inside the classroom.