Just A Harmless Joke

Chapter 8: Are You Mad?

"I don't believe it," Fred complained. "That should have gone perfect."

"You underestimated her," George said with a sigh.

Fred glared at him. "So did you, buddy. Why don't you go make out with her in the library again and then talk to me about underestimating-"

George held up his hands in surrender. "Calm down. I didn't mean it like that." Fred nodded and gave him an apologetic look. "You know, maybe you should ask her out again."

"What?" Lee knitted his brow. "He never asked her out a first time. And why ask her out?"

"You know what I mean," George said impatiently. "Get a nice public confrontation where Fred asks her to go back out with him. Then she'll have to admit she was playing."

"Or she'll just say no," Lee said.

"Or she'll say yes to put me on the spot," Fred added. He rubbed his hand over his face. "My god, what am I doing? I'm contemplating asking a girl I've never dated to take me back."

"Life is weird like that," Lee joked.

"Well, should we give Operation Karma another shot in the morning?" George said.

"I don't know," Fred said, sighing as he got out his pajamas. "But this is getting to be a real pain."

"So give it up," Lee said with a shrug.

"Give up? Give up!" George repeated, looking scandalized.

Fred stared at Lee indignantly. "What's with you, man? Give up, and admit defeat? To a girl? A girl without a humorous bone in her body? Are you mad?"

Lee shook his head. "No, but my two best friends are," he replied.

Fred grinned. "Got that right."

He crawled into bed and the three of them said their good nights to each other. Fred lay awake for a good long while, once again contemplating his problems with Hermione.

She was hot. She was hot and she was a damned good kisser. She was also really cool, and intelligent, and brave, and damn, was she a fast thinker. He'd expected her to be stumped as hell when he'd burst in yelling at her about kissing George; but no, she had turned the whole stupid thing back in his face; he'd had an urge to yell "Touché!"

And her kissing George... that had floored him. The moment she'd done it, he'd been overwhelmed with jealousy and a strong, irrational desire to murder his own twin, especially when George had pulled her onto his lap. Fred wanted her. He wanted her a lot.

He didn't know if George and Lee had picked up on his feelings-he knew George would sooner or later, and probably Lee also-but this wasn't about some stupid game. A part of Fred was hoping to have Hermione when their fight was over. A part of him was determined to win. To win not just the game, but her.

Once again, the halls were buzzing with talk. It no longer did Fred any good to pretend he was George; people wanted to question George just as much as Fred, if not more. The news that George had driven another wedge between Fred and Hermione spread like wildfire.
"You know, if this wasn't all bullshit, I'd probably feel awful," George told Fred jokingly. "I mean, I'm accidentally keeping you and your girlfriend apart."

"Oh shut up, George," Fred muttered.

They were sitting in the Great Hall, waiting on Lee and the girls to join them. Angelina, Alicia, and Katie had been demanding answers, only Fred, George, and Lee hadn't been too sure of what to tell them. They'd toyed with the idea of telling them nothing, but they'd been friends with the girls for almost seven years, and they knew better than to keep the girls in the dark for long (and they knew better than to think they could). However, they'd figured that this plan of theirs was going to take some time for the girls to get used to (in other words, Angelina, Alicia, and Katie were probably going to chew them out about it), and considering Lee had a bit more diplomacy than the twins, they'd decided to let Lee talk to the girls alone.

"I wish he'd hurry up," George said, checking his watch. "I want to be gone by the time Hermione shows."

"Afraid if she kisses you again, you'll shag her right here on the table?" Fred teased.

George gave him a mock-glare. "No, but I'm afraid you might."

Fred was still thinking of a witty reply when someone sat down across from him. His heart stopped as the fear that Hermione was once again about to instigate something swept over him, but as he whipped around, he found Harry, not Hermione. Ron was sitting next to Harry, across from George, both of them looking grim.

"Listen," Harry said with a sigh, "we've just come to tell you that you need to get over this nonsense with Hermione. Settle it, or agree to stay broken up, whatever. But you two can't stay mad at each other."

"Can't we?" Fred said. Doing his best to slip into the proper role, he added, "She made out with my brother, I think I have a right to be angry."

"Gee, I can't see how she could make such a mistake," Ron said dryly. "It's not like he looks exactly like you or anything."

Fred shot him a dirty look, but before he could reply, Harry cut him off. "Listen, Pig just brought us a letter from Mrs. Weasley. She's inviting me and Hermione to come spend the winter holidays with you all at the Burrow."

Fred blinked and let that settle in. "Uh-oh," was all he could think to say.

"Yeah, uh-oh," Harry said coldly. "If you want to carry out this thing with Hermione at the Burrow, see how long it'll be before Mrs. Weasley figures it out and demands an explanation."

"I can just picture the look on Mum's face when she figures out you've been shagging 'Mione since last summer," Ron said with a smirk.

Fred stared back at them, stricken, suddenly feeling rather faint. "She'll kill me," he whispered. "She'll kill me a lot."

"Yep," Harry, Ron, and George said in unison.

"What am I going to do?" Fred moaned. He started to speak, started to say the truth, to tell them everything and just keep talking until they believed him. Nothing was worth facing his mother's wrath. He was reminded of years ago, during the summer holidays when Bill had been getting mildly frisky with his girlfriend and Mrs. Weasley had walked in on him. The screaming and scolding had gone on for hours and Bill had been grounded until the end of the summer.

He stopped himself before blurting out the truth, however. It was just what Hermione wanted, for him to spill. Besides, who said Mrs. Weasley had to find out what was going on? Hermione wouldn't tell her; she wanted to live just as much as Fred did. Ron might say something out of anger or jealousy, but... well, Fred could always just deny it if Ron squealed. Fred wasn't ready to lose the battle, not when the chances of Mrs. Weasley finding out and believing the lies were slim.

Fred's expression grew stony. "Well, I guess I'll have to work this out with her, then," he said, in a monotonous, blank voice. "I'll think of something."

Harry and Ron exchanged a look; then, without another word, they got up and left. "That was weird," George remarked thoughtfully.

"Do you think they're in on it?" Fred asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at Harry and Ron's retreating backs.

"No," George replied. "They acted too ticked off at us. They've been pissed for days."

"Yeah, you're right."

George nodded. "Of course I am. So... are you mad, or just a bloody idiot? Our dear old mum is going to tear you limb from limb."

"She'll never know," Fred told him firmly. "Even if she does find out, I can always come clean when she does. Then she won't kill me. She'll be angry, but I'll live."

George sighed. "We're going through way too much trouble for this."

"Come on, George, don't wimp out now. Tell you what, if you stick with me I'll let you pretend to be me for awhile so you can kiss her again, deal?"

"Oh, shut up."