Just A Harmless Joke

Chapter 7: A Purely Evil Plan

"Okay, now this is what I'm talking about. A purely evil plan. Evil with a capital MWAHAHA!" Fred cackled, rubbing his hands together gleefully.

"Hermione's going to beat you to death, you realize that, right?" Lee said desperately. Over the years, Lee had become almost as close to the twins as they were to each other, but he was always the last of the three of them to come up with a crazy scheme and the first person to say "Guys, this is a bad idea. This is one of those times when we actually shouldn't do it." In other words, unlike the twins, Lee had some small shred of sanity.

"It'll be a small price to pay for the look on her face," George said, grinning. "It really will."

Fred stopped and gave him a dirty look. "George, that wasn't entirely too supportive."

"Oh, right." George's grin disappeared instantly and he glared at Lee. "She's not going to beat him to death. She'll be too shocked. And even if she isn't, Fred can run faster. ...I think."

"Thanks, George," Fred said, rolling his eyes.

The three of them approached the portrait hole and gave the Fat Lady the password. They'd given Hermione plenty of time to get back from the library... and sure enough, there she was, sitting with Harry, Ron, and Ginny in the corner. Fred gave her a cold smile and raised his eyebrows, giving her enough time to realize something big was coming. Then he pasted an angry, hurt look on his face, resisting the urge to do a happy dance when he saw Parvati and Lavender turn to look in his direction.

"I can't believe you!" Fred roared, so loudly half the common room jumped. "Just when I thought we were past this! Just when I thought we could be together again!"

A look of fury and indignation flashed across her face as she understood what he was doing, but the expression was gone in an instant and her face became impassive. Ginny glowered at Fred, George, and Lee, while Harry and Ron simply looked bewildered. So Ginny knows what's really going on... interesting, Fred thought, filing that information away for later.

"How could you, Hermione?" Fred went on. "How could you?"

"What's he talking about, 'Mione?" Harry asked suspiciously.

"I'll tell you what I'm talking about!" Fred shouted. "She kissed my brother!" It took all his willpower not to grin at the reactions of everyone in the room. Gasps, whispers, laughs, shocked stares... oh, the look on Harry's face, it was priceless...

Hermione stood up. She looked shaky and on the verge of tears; Fred wondered briefly if he'd really upset her before it dawned on him that she, too, was acting. "I'm sorry, Fred," she said in a voice barely above a whisper, which still reached every ear in the silent common room. "He... you look so much alike!"

"That's no excuse!" Fred bellowed. "We've been together for ages! We've known each other for years! You should know me by now!"

"The Fred I know wouldn't have gone around telling everyone what we'd both agreed not to tell," Hermione spat, her voice rising. "The Fred I know wouldn't have thought it was funny! The Fred I know wouldn't have gotten me detention and embarrassed me in public! The Fred I know would know that my kissing George wasn't entirely my fault!" She was fairly screaming now. "George could have told me I was making a mistake at any time! He knew I thought he was you before I kissed him, and he could have said something! Did he? No! He could've pushed me away at any time! Did he? No! He just pulled me onto his lap and kept on kissing me! He decided having fun was more important than the feelings of his twin or his friend!" She turned to glare at George.

George swallowed, blushed and looked away, not enjoying this unexpected turn. Dozens of people turned to look at him curiously as he decided the ceiling was incredibly interesting.