grudge | daiharu

four

jumping out of his seat, daisuke couldn't possibly give a fuck about the wine bottles shattering into a dozen pieces after he had knocked down the table due to his abrupt action. not even when it pricked his foot and that scarlet red blood was oozing out from the cut, no, nothing mattered to daisuke more than the words that had slipped out of suzue's mouth.

"he called you? why? what did he say? what did he sound like? is he doing okay?" daisuke sounded like he was rapping as he bombarded his sister with questions.

suzue sighed with her eyebrows arched and a deep frown marring her beautiful face. "jesus christ, daisuke. you didn't have to have such a big fucking reaction. look at the mess you've made and your foot, goddamn it."

how could he not have a big reaction? especially when it had been one month, no screw that, almost two months since he's seen or even heard anything associated with the name haru katou.

"tell me!" daisuke snapped, his voice going unbelievably lower than it was already which reminded suzue of the fact that her brother was so stupidly infatuated with haru that he'd gladly take a bullet for him all over again.

"okay, okay. calm down, let's deal with that cut first then i'll tell you okay?" suzue pulled out the mini first-aid kit from daisuke's bedside table and motioned for the male to sit on the bed. 

daisuke's mind was hazy and his thoughts were most definitely under the influence of the massive intake of alcohol from the past few hours of solemnly drinking alone. he teetered towards the bed in the dark, his head spinning and vision blurry.

when he reached the bed, he passed out at the edge of it on the spot as if the switch in him had been flicked, causing his systems to shut down entirely. 

"really, what do i do with you, dear brother." suzue sighed relentlessly at her brother's stationary physique. 

///

daisuke had his first dream in a long while. and in his dream, he saw a less pathetic and cowardly version of himself who spoke whatever that he was feeling from the enclosed depths of his heart. 

the scene of that one particular winter night played in front of him like an old record, continuously glitching in black and white. in the dream, he was watching the events unfold as a mere third person at the sidelines, not able to intervene whatsoever. 

"we could've just talked about it over text, is it something important?" 

in his dream, haru was an empty shell who had its face scratched out with black lines and his voice was distorted; the haru in his unconsciousness didn't have a silhouette stretching behind him either but the outlines of his body were all daisuke needed to determine that it was the only person he'd love in his lifetime. 

"uhm, yeah. it's pretty important." the visualized daisuke mumbled as he averted his gaze from haru. he could see haru wrapping his arms around himself, his shoulders slightly shivering from the merciless winter current and the unceasing snow.

"c'mon, out with it already. i'm freezing to death." 

daisuke bit his lip and took a deep breath before staring into haru's warm honey hues again after mustering all the courage that he could compile from the hesitancy that was running through his body.

"let's break up." 

just as he recalled, everything played out the same. from haru's subtle crestfallen eyes that he managed to hide so well from daisuke to the little scoff laced with mockery that escaped his chapped lips; daisuke was able to notice the smallest of detail from that night all of a sudden.

"reason being?" haru's voice was firm but anyone could tell that he was already on the verge of completely breaking down on the inside.

and the next particular part of his dream made daisuke shudder when he'd regain his consciousness and reran the whole thing in his head because the him in this physical world wasn't able to be honest and come to terms with his genuine feelings during the announcing of their breakup. 

the one who was questioned remained silent. "hah? so you want to break up without a valid reason? do i look that easy to you just because i agreed to go out with you in the beginning?"

daisuke bit his lip as thousands of distorted information coursed through his brain but he knew it was then or never.

"hear me out, okay? the both of us knew very well that at one point into this relationship, we were just merely getting into each other's ways. whether it was our personal lives or our careers, our worlds collided all of a sudden and everything just began crumbling into pieces because of our amateurish behaviors. we knew that if we remained how we are, we would only wound up getting hurt by this empty relationship and that no matter how big our capacity of love towards each other was, we only want the best for one another in the end so that's why i've chosen to take the first step for both of us."

the one who just listened remained silent, his heart aching over and over again as the last tatter finally broke off and shattered. he knew all too well that what daisuke was talking about was nothing but the ugly truth behind their relationship that they had decided to sweep under the rug. 

haru's first reaction in a while after daisuke's explanation was a small discreet laugh that slipped into the crisp winter air as it vanished as if it was never emitted to begin with. 

"hey, if you didn't say all that fucking bullcrap, what would we have been?"

haru's unanswered question was the full stop to daisuke's lucid dream as well as the cue for the millionaire to breakdown yet again.

he should've noticed the signs sooner, that there was no way for him to stitch up the hole in his chest anymore; that the grudge he'd held against haru katou for walking away with tears brimming at the corners of his rosy eyes yet not uttering a single word had became his own demise. 

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