drainage

animal

recently i've been sticky with vodka stains that i haven't yet
learned how to clean. my flesh is stuck to older men
that took away my dignity. gutted out of me?
or maybe just slowly disappearing.
like my collarbones and the soles of my feet,
that have become sore from all the walks of defeat.
can't even face my ma the same way.
she whispers lullabies in my ear when i come home,
needles against my ribcage; nostalgia against my ears, ;bones shattering to the beat of,

retro singing, hubba bubba gum, and the noise of ur gun against my head.

i think i've forgotten how to breathe
with all these slimey butterflies crawling out my stomach
and between my teeth.
i don't miss cocaine anymore,
but i miss the way it made everyone love me.

we were in the back of the hotel room when he kissed me.
it tasted like the apocalypse,
the fiery trees falling at my feet.
you also know the torment. and how my bruised thighs make me feel pretty. so i'll go bed tonight in loss of myself. put my fingers to mouth and practice saying "i hate you" with all of me