Dark Secrets(M.YG × BTS)

Chapter 5

Jhope and jimin were monitoring their dance practice from earlier this morning when they were doing rehearsals. Jungkook was squeezing his stress toy to relieve some stress and to calm his nerves. Namjoon was doing push ups. Jin was practicing his japanese . Taehyung and yoongi were the only ones with their makeup left.

Suga was getting very nervous. He didn't like performing in front of many people. He was scared of crowds . His anxiety was making him imagine the worst scenarios. He was scared that the audience would hate or judge him negatively or that he was going to mess up the dance moves and then people would laugh at him.

His hands were shaking and his head was dizzy. His vision kept blurring. Finally makeup was done. A staff member announced that there were only ten minutes left. Suga was getting more and more anxious. He kept overthinking.

He ran to the bathroom and locked the door. He was having difficulty breathing. He could hear the loud cheers of the audience. It scared him. The idea of performing in front of thousands of people made him nauseous. His heartbeat was rapid. He tried to get air into his lungs but he couldn't. Tears came into his eyes. He was having a panic attack.

The members told him to hurry up and come out as there were only 4 minutes left.

He answered,"I'm not coming".

"We dont have time. Come out"

"I can't. I'm scared. I can't go infront of those many people. I'm sorry".

The members and the staff tried to get him out but he wasn't coming out no matter what they did. Finally they had no choice but to cancel the concert. All the members were mad at suga. They told the audience that suga was sick and had to be rushed to the hospital .

Suga came out after an hour. When they saw his puffy cheeks and red eyes,they forgave him. None of the members were angry. It wasn't his fault. His anxiety was to be blamed. They all rushed to his side and tried to cheer up his mood and to make sure he was okay. But suga wasn't listening . He mind was somewhere else.

" you destroyed the concert. They are disappointed at you. They hate you. You are nothing but a problem they have to deal with. You are just a coward who can't even stand in front of a crowd."

The ride back to the hotel was very quiet. No one spoke a word. Jin made a few dad jokes to cheer up everyone's mood but it didn't work. The atmosphere was too gloomy and sad.

When they reached the hotel all of them went to their own rooms. Suga was about to unlock his door when taehyung came and told him ,"it's not your fault. Don't blame yourself. Forget everything that happened today.

Tears came into suga's eyes after hearing the younger kind words but he blinked them back and just whispered a small thank you and went inside his room.

He went to the bathroom,took all his clothes off and got inside the shower. Horrible thoughts started to cloud his mind telling him to kill himself again and again. It was getting difficult to not act upon these thoughts.

He was tired of trying. He just wanted to be at peace. He knew he couldn't be fixed because he had fallen into such a hole that he knew he could never get out of. He needed everything to stop .
He couldn't keep living like this anyomre. His thoughts were scaring him.

So he took his blade which he had brought from korea and started slashing himself not really caring how deep it went.he needed his mind to be quiet or else he might do something stupid.he washed his arms,hissing in pain and then wrapped his arms with sterile gauze.

He couldn't control himself anyomre . He started crying. He just sat on the bathroom floor with his knees pressed to his chest ,hugging himself and silently crying with the water rushing over his head.

When he had calmed himself down he out on some new clothes and laid on the bed to get some rest. But no he couldn't. His thoughts were back,more horrible than ever.

He needed someone to distract him from his mind. He needed a shoulder to cry on and someone to hold him. But he was all alone. He needed help but he was just too proud to ask for it. There was no one to save him from himself.

He went to jin's room and knocked at the door. After several minutes jin finally opened the door . He was surprised to see suga at this time. He was a bit angry at being awoken at this hour but when he saw the state suga was in,he knew it was a hard day for the younger and he needed someone. So he asked suga to come inside.

Suga came inside and sttuttered while saying,"can I sleep with you tonight?"

"Of course you can"

Jin made suga some tea to help him sleep. When he had finished he tucked him into his own bed and laid beside him. Seokjin wrapped his arm around the younger.

Suga couldn't take it anymore. He started crying. Seokjin gently wiped his tears with his hand and gave him a peck on the forehead.he wrapped his arms around suga tightly,frowning at how skinny he was. Suga finally nuzzled deeper into seokjin chest, finding comfort in the jin's warm body and the sound of his heartbeat. They slept like that.