Me and Us

chapter one - hope you're happy

A/N : Hi everyone! Happy quarantine and welcome to my first every story! I'm really looking forward to sharing it with you, thank you so much for reading! Please do not hesitate to comment and give me your feedback and let me know how you like the story so far. I have a lot of ideas that I'm really excited to share with you. Without further ado, "Me and Us"

"I don't know what I did wrong." I start hyperventilating, tears bubbling up from the sides of my eyes and dripping down my face as I tried to steady myself and gain some clarity. 

"You didn't do anything wrong, Lil." Adam runs his hands through his curly brown hair, the same hair that I laced my fingers through not even a day ago while breathing heavily under his bare chest. "It's me. It's not you."

That line makes me want to throw up. That stupid, cliched line that every guy says when the girl they're dating is a complete train wreck. 

"Don't say that." I try to grab his hand, but he pulls away. "I hate it when people say that."

"What do you want me to say?" He says pacing around, blue eyes not meeting my brown ones. "We're going in different directions. You know we are."

"We had one year left." I close my eyes in frustration, looking around my bedroom to try and find something to look at to calm me down. "You're giving up on me."

"It's not about you Lily." He looks at me, eyes flashing red. 

He's getting angrier, I can tell. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, what I can say to make him want to be mine again. 

"Who's it about then?" I yell at him, tears streaming down. How dare he make me look like the bad guy? He's the one breaking up with me. "You tried to save me and you couldn't so now you're running away, like you always do. I'm always here, Adam. I'm always here for you and you're never here for me." 

"Not everything is about you!" He closes the distance and shouts at me, making me break down back into tears. That makes him hesitate. Maybe I can cry enough to keep him here and realize the terrible mistake he made. "I need to find myself, Lil." 

"You're not lost." I say, taking another futile grab at his hand. 

"Yes, I am. I've been lost for a long time. Ever since..." I cut him off. 

"Ever since you started dating me?"

"No." This time he's the one to grab for my hand. Good, all hope is not lost. "You know how much I care about you, Lil. It's just not working for me."

"If you cared about me you would stay." I gaze at him pleading, moving towards my bed. 

"That's not how it works." He glances at me sadly before moving towards the door. "I think I better get home."

"So you're going to break up with me and then leave?" I yell at him, absolutely hysterical. "You're going to run away like always?"

He turns towards me slowly, and I stop when I see the utter sadness and hopelessness in his eyes. "I don't know what else to do." 

I follow him down the stairs and watch as he grabs his jacket and starts to open my front door. I see his blue Subaru sitting out on my driveway. It occurs to me that I will probably never ride in it again. 

"I hope you have a good last week of summer, Lily." He says, stepping out onto my front entrance. "I hope we can be friends someday." He smiles at me sadly, an invitation I will not be accepting. 

"Just go." I say, giving him my best glare. "Just fucking leave and never come back, alright Adam?" 

His eyes fall. "Alright." He gives one last sigh and closes the door. 

He left. I didn't think he would actually leave. I want to run and out and yell at him "I didn't mean it Adam, please come back inside so we can talk." But I know I can't. I know there wouldn't be any use. 

I scream. An awful, guttural scream that I'm sure alerted my whole neighborhood that I just got broken up with, and I'm going into Senior year as a lame, unstable, single girl. I run upstairs, flop onto my bed and sob until I feel like I'm going to vomit. The sobbing increases when I remember all of the time Adam and I spent together in this bed. He's tainted everything. His memory is all over my house like a ghost, creeping in the shadows. 

I don't know how long I lay in bed, feeling sorry for myself. Time means nothing. Everything means nothing to me now, it feels like my whole life is over. I hear the front door open, and I sit up, suddenly hopeful. Is it Adam, here to apologize? To ask if he can take me back? I'd say yes, of course, but not right away. 

"Lily, get down here!" 

Of course not. It's just my stupid sister, with the worst timing imaginable. 

"I'm busy!" I yell back at her, suddenly glad to have summer reading homework to use as an excuse if she asks. 

"I need you to help me unload groceries." I can hear her bumbling around the kitchen, knocking things over. "Stop being such a brat and come down."

I pretend not to hear her and go into my closet, planning to purge all of the pieces that remind me of Adam. I see a couple of his sweatshirts and jerseys and almost smile. Giving them back will be another excuse to see him, without looking desperate. 

I'm in the middle of sorting clothing items when my door opens. 

"You look really busy." Ella says, frowning in my doorway. "Looking for a first day of school outfit?" She smiles sarcastically and then goes back to her typical grimace. 

"I like to look good, unlike some people." I retort, standing up. 

"Some people have to do actual work, instead of just going to the pool with friends or screwing boyfriends all day long." She comes deeper into my room, a gesture that is not appreciated. 

"When's dad coming home?" I ask moving towards her, trying to get her to leave. 

"I don't know, he said he was at the office late." She squints at me. "Why is your face all red, are you allergic to your new lotion or something?"

I turn away. "No, it must just be summer allergies." She snorts. 

"Make your own dinner tonight, okay?" She asks. "I'm going to the bar with Bradley." She starts heading towards her own room. 

"Have fun with your fellow college dropout!" I say, grabbing the door as she moves down the hall. 

She just flips me off, and slams her own bedroom door. 

I flop back on my bed, intending to stay there until summer ends. I scroll through my phone, seeing all of the fun people are having with their last days of summer. The fun I should be having. 

A post catches my eye from Jillian Kris, an acquaintance of mine who started a band with some of her friends. I always thought she was so cool, with her oversize tee-shirts and bright red hair. 

It's a picture of her, Peter McCoy from the swim team, Grace Cavanaugh from the "hip Christians" club, and Adam. My Adam. At the beach together, tonight. Only a few hours after breaking up with me. I read the caption: "Let's conquer the world together." I go into the comments. 

Peter:  "so glad I can take on senior year with you guys."

Grace:  "beach nights with new friends >>>"

Adam: "love you guys, wouldn't want senior year with anyone else."

I start crying. 

There's nothing I can do. No more hope. I want to spend my year with him, and he doesn't. I love him and he doesn't love me. 

I try to get some sleep, but it's no use.

 My bed still reminds me of him.