Enheduanna: The First Author - Wattys Winner 2021

11. Rebirth

The world was aquiver, shaking at the edges. I couldn't tell up from down. A blinding light engulfed me, leaving a sort of glow in its wake. The mellifluous melody washed over everything. Honeyed, sweetly mellow, liquid, rich, smooth, euphonious. Gradually, I emerged with the night sky.

This feeling, I could not capture it with words.

Before me stood a gate of wonders. It was solid and fluid all at once. I touched the gate, but it didn't budge. 

"You must first show your worth before my husband will let you enter." a gentle voice giggled behind me. A young woman with eyes the colour of the river smiled at me. She wore a beaded crown hung with tiny brass figures; birds and reeds.

My initial irritation turned to a shock of recognition. "I know you. You are her."

"Indeed. I am Ningal, Enheduanna." The woman rose to her full height now, towering over me. She looked like any woman, but at the same time, not quite. She was larger than life, grander than anyone I had ever seen.

"Why must I prove myself again?" The question escaped me before I could bite my lips at this temerity. She was a goddess. She could ask me to prove myself as much as she wanted. 

But Ningal didn't seem to be bothered by the question. "Not to me, to my husband. Sing him one of your hymns."

My throat ran dry in an instant, "but I don't have any hymns."

"Than make one."

"Right now?" Fear traveled through my veins, but never made it to my face. They couldn't know that my heart was hammering so hard it might break free from my body. I could not show my doubts now. I've come this far. Remaining a controlled expression, I let out a sigh and turned to the gate, searching for a spark of inspiration. 

Even in this velvet dark, there was the light of stars. They were the same stars I saw in the palace garden as a little girl who was wishing she could travel far beyond the walls of Akkad. Perhaps they were the promise that even when you yearn for the light of the sun, there will always be stars bringing the hope of dawn. For it was always the light I craved. The chance to break free from palace life. The ability to rise up to the greatness of my family. I thought of my father, seeing these stars from the lumps of Kish. And my mother, gazing at these constellations from her windowsill in Lagash as I drew a deep breath.

"O, house of brilliant stars
bright with lapis stones,
you illuminate all lands." 

My voice wavered, taking a moment to glance towards Ningal, gauging her reaction before continuing. 

"O house illuminated by beams of bright light,
dressed in shimmering stone jewels,
awaken the world to awe!"

The gate opened, stars lining a path beyond the threshold. Stepping through felt like entering deep water. My limbs felt heavy, yet my steps were light. From my peripheral vision, I saw a figure approaching. Turning around, I was startled by a woman with large golden wings and hair like strands of night. She was dressed in the finest cloth, whiter than dove's wings, and crowned with flowers and gems of every color. But it was those black eyes that had me spellbound, looking at me with such depths of knowing that I felt as if I was truly seen for the first time.

Falling down to my knees, I professed, "Inanna, lady of heaven, first daughter of the moon. I'm not worthy of your presence."

The goddess only smiled at her with laughter in her eyes. "Never before had I heard a hymn sung from the heart with such passion."

Mutely, I rose to my feet, pausing to look back at the gate. "It was meant for Nanna," I murmured, not wanting to upset the divine goddess. 

"And he approved it. Otherwise, he wouldn't have let you in." Inanna responded, before noting my searching gaze. "My father is not one who shows himself easily to newcomers. I'm sure you understand."

I couldn't help but agree. It was odd, but for some reason, this goddess seemed so mortal compared to Ningal. The way she spoke of her father, the easy smile on her lips, it was as if I had known her my entire life. 

But why would she show herself to me? Black eyes found mine, knowing the question I didn't dare to ask. Her voice became older, wiser. "My child. You will have a great destiny throughout the entire universe if you use your gift wisely."

"My gift?" A clay tablet appeared in my hands. It was heavy in my hand, yet light on the touch.

"With this, you have the power to speak inside the heads of millions. Time shall be your servant. Death will no longer silence you, as long as you write." 

Rolling the reed through my fingers, I pressed wedge-shaped symbols down, forming my title in the wed clay. "Will I be immortal?"

Inanna's hand hovered over mine, warmth emanating from it. "What is immortality?"

The question sounded like an answer and conclusion all at once. I stopped writing, wavering as the wind picked up around me, transporting me to a field of golden grain and silver rain. Without thinking twice, I plucked a handful, stuffing it in my mouth. The grain turned to salt in my mouth. The rains stopped, the crops withered all around me. Swarms of crickets blacked out the sun, leaving only the flames of destruction to reveal the death that filled the city. 

"No," I screamed, bolting up. Every sense of my being was on high alert as I take in my surroundings. The Giparu was empty, safe from a startled Kituzda who stood in the middle of the room with a tray of milk and bread. 

"The crops," I stumbled, struggling to stand on my own two feet. "Are they withered? The crickets. We must stop the crickets."

"What are talking about? The crops are fine."

"How do you know?" I shouted. Kituzda pushed a curtain aside, motioning to the bright light of the rising sun. "Look for yourself." 

Hesitantly, I approached her, seeing blankets of gold and green covering the outstretched farming lands of Ur, just like in my dream. I am not too late.

"You did it," Kituzda mumbled, more to herself. "Nanna has granted you his blessing. What kind of vision did he show you?"

A vision. Is that what it was? It felt so real. I can still taste the salt on my tongue, even the milk couldn't clench my thirst. But it was not Nanna that showed me. Inanna did. Although I couldn't tell Kituzda that. "I have not stretched out my hand to the fruitful bed nor shall I reveal the word of Ningal to anyone."

Kituzda stepped back as if she had been struck across the face. "Ningal?" she repeated. "Ningal has revealed herself to you, of all people?"

Was that a bad thing? I pursed my lips, afraid the question would sound clueless.

"Very well," Kituzda continued. "I guess you completed your ordination. If you'll excuse me, oh great lady, I'll summon the lords of Ur to the temple tonight for your first ceremony." 

"Wait! Who will draw my bath?"

"You. The sacred basin may only be touched by the high priestess." Kituzda handed me a water basket with that smirk I wanted to wipe off her face. "Good luck!"