need me // timothée chalamet

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"Would you like to talk about it?"

The question snapped Violet out of her distant stare. She sat across from Dr. Robin, her therapist, in the warmly lit office. Dr. Robin's gaze was fixed on Violet, her big blue eyes were filled with concern, but also compassion. Violet let her own dark, hazel eyes meet them.

"Talk about what?" She asked.
She didn't know why she was being difficult today, yet she persisted anyways.
She knew what it was.

Dr. Robin wasn't phased, she was used to all of Violet's self destructive tendencies by now.
"About tomorrow." Dr. Robin continued, "I think it would be a good idea for us to construct a personal care plan for how you are going to tackle the emotional struggles you'll face, or will continue facing."

Violet gulped softly, toying with the sparse frayed strings hanging off her distressed skinny jeans.

Tomorrow would mark one year since her mother passed away. This was a thought that Violet had shut out and refused to process since the day she came home to a painfully silent room, consisting of her father and younger sister Lucy, waiting to tell her the news.

"I don't know if there is anything for me to plan out." Violet admitted. "I think, it might just feel like any other day."

"It might." Dr. Robin nodded, "But, wouldn't you like to be prepared for the emotions you might have to face? To feel?"

Violet sighed, knowing that if she just played along, she'd be able to excuse herself from the uncomfortable conversation a little sooner.
She nodded.

"What do you think you might feel?" Dr. Robin asked.

Violet thought for a moment.
"I might feel sad." She said, slowly. "I felt sad for a while. But after a while, the sad went away. And I thought grief might replace it, but, nothing ever did. I just feel.."
She trailed off, looking for the right word. "Empty."

"You aren't empty," Dr. Robin assured her, "you just haven't properly processed it yet. And that's okay! We all process at our own pace, we all grieve at our own pace. Healing is not linear."

Violet nodded. "I'm trying to- I think. I mean, I don't know. I don't quite know what processing feels like. How am I supposed to know when it's happening?"

Dr. Robin gave her a small smile, "You'll know."

"But, I shouldn't have to." Violet began to feel irritable. She was very fond of Dr. Robin, but this was a topic she was dreading discussing. "I mean, I never wanted to lose my mom. That wasn't supposed to happen. She wasn't supposed to be taken from me."

"It sounds to me like you're feeling angry." Dr. Robin reflected.

Violet ran a hand through her brown hair, tugging at it lightly. Tension was forming in the back of her head, the frustration of the conversation threatening to form a migraine.

"I think I'd like to talk about something else."

Dr. Robin nodded, understandingly. It was hard for her to get so close to Violet's vulnerability before watching her shut down completely before her. She had been seeing Dr. Robin for eleven months now. Violet set up an appointment per her father's request a month after the accident.