Only a Paper Moon [ Band of Brothers ] 3

Chapter One

December 24th, 1945

Nixon, New Jersey, United States

Alice woke, gasping. Her heart pounded against her ribcage so hard she feared it would explode. To her horror, when her eyes opened, there was only darkness. The cold wrapped around her. Flashes of pain, of blood and snow invaded her thoughts. Without thinking, Alice moved back the covers and swung her legs off the bed.

She could've sworn her bare feet hit snow. For a moment, dizzy confusion clouded her mind. Where was she? Her heart continued to pound. Her throat tightened. She couldn't breathe. It was pneumonia. It had to be pneumonia. Her dream of domesticity had been just that, a dream. She still sat in a foxhole in Bastogne. Everything had been lies.

Her eyes adjusted. Just as she thought she'd never breathe again, the realization that the white under her hands wasn't a blanket of snow, but an actual blanket, calmed her down. The pounding in her chest no longer resembled the purr of a machine gun, but a natural heartbeat. Alice remembered.

She remembered going through the motions. Nix had come home from work in a better mood than usual; Dick's employment had been approved. They'd shared a glass or two of wine in front of the fire. She'd expressed how restless she'd begun to feel, even with pursuing her art.

Then they'd gone to bed. She was in a bedroom, not a foxhole. Alice looked over her shoulder. Nix slept, undisturbed. His brown hair, though much neater than it had become in the war, still had pieces out of place. Alice tried to smile. But she couldn't. She needed a drink.

Pushing her bare feet into some slippers and pulling on a robe, Alice crept out of the master bedroom and went downstairs. She'd let her hair grow out longer than it had been in the war, and though some days she missed the ease of shoulder-length, in the cold of December, it kept her warm. Warmth eluded her that night, though.

Or, morning. As she looked at the grandfather clock in the foyer, Alice frowned to see it was only two in the morning. She'd only gone to sleep four hours ago. No wonder Nix hadn't woken up even at her startled movements. He deserved sleep.

Even though she'd been living in the Nixon estate for well over a month, it felt like walking through a haunted mansion at night. The week she'd spent in New Jersey before the war haunted her like some sort of ghost. Who she'd been then, who he'd been then, felt like a distant memory.

Being in the States, it felt good. It felt right. She didn't doubt her decision to leave Europe behind at least for the foreseeable future. New Jersey, though haunted, wasn't nearly as haunted as back there.

Alice moved into the kitchen, turning on a couple of lamps. After spending three years living with a company of men, she sometimes found the large Nixon household dauntingly quiet. Blanche had returned to San Francisco a few weeks ago, and as much as she adored having Nix all to herself, it felt strange.

A few bottles of wine sat on the counter. Alice grabbed one, Cabernet Sauvignon, and poured herself a tall glass. How many nights had she woken up, convinced the war's end to be but a figment of her dreams? Too many. And she knew the same was true for Nix. Alice downed a large drink

A cough ripped through her chest. Panic seized her again. Her free hand flew to her chest, just below her throat. Alice grabbed at her skin. She coughed again. The sobs came next. Placing the wine glass on the counter, she slapped her other hand across her mouth in a desperate, feeble attempt to stifle the cries.

Crying made the breathing worse. The harder each breath, the more Alice panicked. It was happening again. It was all happening again.

Alice squeezed her eyes shut. She continued to cover her mouth as if she could stuff the sobs back down with a tight grip. Her dizziness increased. No matter how much she screamed in her mind that it wasn't true, that she wasn't going to die, it took several minutes of quiet sobs in the center of the dimly lit kitchen for her to regain some semblance of control.