Suffering

Chapter 2 Alex Row

Chapter 2

Alex Row

God, a word I hated. A word I never once used. The word made my stomach hurl. My dad believes in Him, and my mother did too. So that means she’s in heaven, right? If there is a God, answer me this: Why did You let my mother die from cancer? Why did You Kill my mother? My mother was a joyful woman. She would wake up in the morning and go to bed with that same smile on her smooth face. The day she was diagnosed with cancer, though, her life changed. She had a difficult time standing up and talking. She was put in the hospital after a month of finding out the dreadful news. My dad, a doctor at Washington State Hospital, did the best he could to heal my mother. But God interfered with his works. At the time, I had a thought in my head that I wish I had never thought: How can someone call You a loving God?

It was a few weeks after the death of my mother. My dad’s job was running smoothly. I, on the other hand, was not running smoothly. When Mother died, I lost it. I took my anger out on a girl at school. Joy, Joy Cash. She didn’t talk, so I figure she didn’t know how to. I learned I was wrong, though. I did the best I could to make someone pay, and I did a great job at it. I started taking my anger out on Joy. Soon the whole school was punishing her. At the time, I enjoyed the sight of it. I take it back. All her pain came from me, and I didn’t give a rat’s behind. I do now, though.

Sasha Knight, my girlfriend, was the only one left who cared. My dad was so busy with work. There was a little boy, who needed severe attention. Sasha was always there for me, well sometimes always. She was always busy at night. I had a hard time coming up with a reason, so I asked. She told me she had a sick grandmother and she had to take care of her. I believed her. When I need her the most, though, she wasn't there. My dad wasn't there either. Drugs were, though. I was on the baseball team, so there were lots of drug testing. I paid a few dealers for their urine, so I wouldn't get busted. I was surprised that it worked.

Math class was the best, at least at the time it was. Joy was in my class. I sat next to her. I use to pass notes to her. One day I passed a note that read: Hey beautiful.

She responded back: Who is this?

I wrote: Secret crush, I guess.

She didn’t like it though: I feel like this is a joke, so quit it before I turn this in.

My stupidity kicked in: Wow! You really are smart. Yeah, no one likes you. Do the world a favor and die. Go in a small room and find a gun and then after that, pull the trigger. Society would be a better place if you did that.

I had a great time tormenting Joy, but I wish I could go back and change the way I treated her. Yes, it’s true I enjoyed watching her suffer. But I now know her story. Man I was a fool. After baseball practice, which were Friday nights, I drove straight home and smoked a pound of weed. A pound seems a lot doesn’t? What about two pounds? Ten pounds? The most I every smoked was 20 pounds. How am I even living? Don’t answer; it’s an obvious answer. My dad came home one night when I was totally stoned. Of course, he never saw me. I hid behind closed doors. I didn't want my father to see what I was doing.

When the tragic day came, Michelle’s death, I went insane. Michelle was Sasha’s twin sister. We were best friends. One night, she texted me saying she had to see me. There was an important confession she had to tell. I texted back, not knowing she was driving, and waited while I paced wall to wall. When I received the news about her death, I bawled my eyes out. I lost someone dear to me, which made me turn to cocaine. No one at school could tell I was on drugs. I hid my shame pretty good, and also made Joy the center of attention. I took all my frustration out on her. In English, we had to work in pairs. I was put with Joy. I made her do all the work. I took all the credit. After class, I would throw the textbook in her face. I wish I could change the past.