5am: the Grandma hour

The Return of Jelly Joe

A note fwom the owffer uwu. Hey guyssssss it me kawaii kitty uwu youw favowite owffer. I know ive taken a hiatus from writing to take cawe of twevor, my chimp friend with mono :p, but hes on the mend and im back! Youll find that the return of jelly joe has a deeper philosophical meaning than the others including themes such as "execeutioner and the damned LARPing" "crazy big monster dogs" and "severed limbs" i know this ones a little targeted but its not cyberbullying if theyre into it am i right or am i right
The Return of Jelly Joe
I am on the hunt....i have been searching far and wide to find the beautiful orphan. I can take my mind off her spindly legs and knobby knees. My shrivled emotionless heart glows every time I think of her presence. But i am a meer presidential candidate, so corrupt, so... thirsty
I set off in the morn - after my hearty breakfast of 3 whole live albino mice (and grits) - as the rooster crows to march through the desert. "Godspeed" says the feller i pass. I stop by ye ol postal office "anyone heard from this here orphan girl?" i say
"Iffin i tell ya, whats in it for me?"
I open my satchel to reveal a raw potato and 5 medium sized yams. The postal officer nods his head solemnly and I slide my satchel over to him all dramatic like. He hands me a note written on crumpled stationary, it reads

Dearest bo jangus, i think of you in the night. I hear the strange sounds from the cornfield and my heart wanders, yearning for your sneaky demeanor. My captor has covered all of the mirrors lest i fall a victim to vanity. He keeps talking about how i've got the devil in me,
But (Y)you are
Th(E) d(E)vil
Wi(T)hin me
-rupi kaur
Forgive me, my time is up. If I don't retire my heavy quill now, I won't be able to muster the strength to finish trimming my soup. Soup mushroom soup.

<orphan perspective>
oh joe. grow, joe. I yearn for your touch. For your spindly, white, grainy hair to brush against my cheek once more - like a foreign wind in the night. Joe, Jelly joe,
I've missed your presence by my side. Let me back into your life.
Joe, my sexy, juicy, jelly man - I only ask you one thing... let me love you.