Capturing an Epilogue (Captured Series 1)

C7

“Sure!” agad na sabat ko nang akmang magsasalita pa sana si Liam. I tried really hard to smile at him though I’m now feeling uncomfortable with our topic. I noticed how his face loosened up when he saw me smiling.

“Well, you know….” I shrugged. “It doesn’t really matter to me if you liked someone else. I mean, who am I to stop you right?” mas ngumiti pa ako habang sinasabi ang mga ito pero hindi ko alam kung ngiti pa ba ‘tong ginagawa ko o ngiwi na. I just don’t know how to react dahil biglaan ito at hindi ko intensyong sabihin talaga sa kanya. I’m not yet even sure with my feelings towards him.

“Yeah…” he nodded and put his tongue on the side of his cheek.

“I’m okay. I mean, it’s really okay. Don’t mind me…” I added before biting my lower lip.

“I just have one question.” Napatigil ako sa pagbaba tsaka lakas loob na humarap sa kanya dahilan para kunot- noo niya akong lingunin. Last question, then I’m out.

“What is it?” he asked, smiling. Paano niya nagagawang ngumiti pa sa akin pagkatapos ng kagagahang sinabi ko sa kanya? Ganyan ba kawalang epekto sa kanya no’ng nangyari? I pursed my lips before asking him.

“Do you think, if you haven’t like someone else, would there be a chance that you’ll like me?” seryoso kong tanong. I know I may sound so desperate but I just have to confirm something, an affirmation. Malay mo lang, ‘di ba? Hindi naman ako papayag na matapos niyang sabihin na ayaw niya sa akin, though he said it indirectly, ay okay na, ligwak na ako at kailangan ay huwag na umasa, ‘di ba?

I stared at him as he seriously looked at me with his pursed lips and furrowed brows. Ang tagal niyang tumitig sa akin na parang wala siyang intensyon na sagutin ang tanong ko.

“I only like her.” he said as he lowered her gaze from me.

Apat na salita lamang ang sinabi niya pero ang lakas nang naging epekto nito sa akin.

Apat na salita na parang sinagot na lahat ng katanungan ko. Hindi man niya sinagot ng deretso ang tanong ko, ay kakatwang naintindihan ko agad ang kanyang ibig sabihin.

He likes no one but her, only. Sa paraang ito ay sinabi niyang hanggang magkaibigan lang kami, at iyon lang ang kaya niyang ibalik sa akin.

Hanggang doon na lang kami. Hindi na pwedeng lumagpas, stop, and don’t ever cross the line.

With those simple words, ay nagawa niyang paghalu- haluin ang nararamdaman ko. Ganito pala yo’ng feeling? Naiinis ako na napapahiya at parang ang hirap huminga.

I composed myself and heaved a sighed, trying to calm myself. But then, i still managed to looked at him and smiled. Dapat ipakita mong hindi ka naaapektuhan at wala lang yo’n sa’yo, Ally.

Pigil ko ang hininga nang ngumiti ako sa kanya bago ako tumango at bumaba ng sasakyan niya.

Mabilis akong naglakad patungo sa elevator at doon pinakawalan ang kanina ko pang pinipigilang hinga.

I inhaled deeply before exhaling, loudly. Sumandal ako sa gilid at doon kinalma ang sarili. I felt like something is trying to come out from my eyes pero hangga’t maaari ay huwag.

Itinakip ko ang likod ng aking palad sa aking mga mata at mas diniinan ito. Gano'n ang naging posisyon ko hanggang sa makarating ako sa aking unit.

For hell’s sake, gusto mo lang naman siya at hindi mahal, so, don’t act like you are the most brokehearted person in the world.

“Did I just confess to him?” hindi makapaniwalang sabi ko sa sarili nang tuluyang magsink- in sa akin ang nangyayari. “Oh my God! Did he just reject me? Shuta! He did! He rejected me! I was just rejected!” I can’t believe it! Parang kanina lang ay umiinom ako, tapos nareject na ako? Like what the f- is happening?