Dr. Leafhead: The Complete Saga

Part 2, Chapter 5: Bad Guys Have a Breakthrough (sort of)

                  

                                    Bad Guys Have a Breakthrough (sort of)

Scar-face sat in the Universe Interpreter tent. He didn't really do a lot of work. Just watched and demanded others unlock the riddles of Leafhead technology. This afternoon was no exception at all. With the level of progress usually being low to zero, Scar-face found himself scowling more often than simply watching.

"I want to know what in the hell that thing is!" he shouted.

"What if it's not that important?" incorrectly theorized a lowly intern. "I mean, Leafhead's got it sitting outside on the front lawn. Anyone could steal this thing. It must not be of any value... that or be impervious to rain and other elements."

"No one gets through the front gates without permission from Leafhead," explained Scar-face. "So he can afford to put something of value in the front yard."

"I guess that's right," agreed the intern. He attempted to back away slowly from the conversation. But Scar-face wasn't through.

"And if you think Leafhead isn't capable of inventing machinery that can survive the mild amounts of wind, rain and low temperatures common with this area of the country then you really don't know much about Dr. Leafhead or anything else around here... do you?"

A hush had fallen over the tent as people stopped working and started watching the drama unfold. People were generally happy when Scar-face took out his frustration on someone else.

"You're fired," concluded Scar-face.

"But...I don't have a ride home," stammered the intern. "I don't even know where we are. I was helicoptered in from Ohio this morning. I had to wear a blindfold."

"Grab one of Leafhead's gold ashtrays on your way out the door," said Scar-face contemptuously. "You'll have to walk to the nearest town. Hawk the ashtray at a pawn shop. That should be enough for bus-fare to Ohio. Might even be enough change for a couple vending-machine sandwiches if you're lucky."

The intern vanished. No one ever found out if he made the bus to Ohio, or about the sandwiches.

Suddenly Rellio Nevenk shouted from across the tent.

"Eureka!" he exclaimed. "A breakthrough!"

Scar-face jumped up from the couch and rushed to where Rellio was standing.

"What's going on here?" demanded Scar-face. "What do you mean, a breakthrough?"

"I've had a breakthrough!" repeated Rellio. "Careful observation has led me to the conclusion that this device is most definitely used for interpreting the universe. A sort of Universe-Interpreter, if you will."

"Explain yourself. It interprets the universe?" asked Scar-face.

"Well, I'm not entirely sure what exactly is interpreted. But I have a strong belief it is the universe."

"How did you come to this conclusion?"

"Extensive observation," replied Rellio vaguely. He was dancing around the fact that he had merely discovered the words "Universe Interpreter by Dr. Leafhead" etched in small letters on one of the tripod legs. Even this fact was only discovered due to Rellio having dropped his breakfast burrito.

Appearing smart in front of Scar-face might lead to a promotion. Appearing stupid definitely led to a long bus ride to Ohio with no sandwiches.

"Let me look through the eye-piece," said Scar-face as the stepped up to the Interpreter.

"OUCH! Goddamnit!" he yelled as he recoiled from the Interpreter.

"What is it?" asked Rellio.

"The damn thing burnt my face!" shouted Scar-face as he clutched his eye. "It's hot as hell!"

Rellio tapped his hand against the eye-piece of the Universe Interpreter. It was cold steel.

"You're right," lied Rellio. "This thing is heating up. I don't know what the problem is. It wasn't like that a minute ago."

"I'll be in the medical station if anyone needs me," blurted Scar-face as he exited the tent. "Try not to be morons."

Rellio commenced eating his unfinished, floor-covered breakfast burrito. It tasted even better knowing Scar-face had just looked like a buffoon in front of the staff.

They never did figure out why the Universe Interpreter burned him. If Dr. Leafhead had been there he would have correctly hypothesized that the Universe Interpreter, being a conscious entity, sensed Scar-face was a villainous presence and thus chose to turn itself into a defensive weapon rather than risk revealing even inconsequential secrets of the Universe to him. Dr. Leafhead wasn't there and never found out about the incident... so the whole episode remained unstudied and was never discussed again.

As far as Leafhead was concerned it was just another scar on the face of the bad guy.