𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐒 | whatever i feel like

𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭... (𝐬𝐚𝐝 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠)

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Authors note - Ok these are my Clato one shots!! In this one there will be talk of self-harm so if that topic is hard/weird or sensitive for you, I suggest you don't read it.

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I hate Cato Hadley. I hate his blond hair that is always ruffled, in a cute kind of way. I hate his blue eyes that seem to read your soul. I hate the fact that he is so arrogant. I hate that he knows exactly what a girl wants. I hate the fact that he has swarms of admirers. I hate the way he is "Mr popular" and everyone loves him. I hate the fact that he can beat almost anyone in a sword fight. I hate that he stayed up all night training me to use a sword. I hate the fact that I told him some of my deepest thoughts. I hate the fact that he almost made it seem that he liked me. I hate the fact that he is actually really cute and charming. I hate the fact that he ran up to me after training, kissed me and then ran off. I hate the fact that the day after "the kiss" Cato announced that he and Glimmer were dating. I hate the fact that the whole school were saying how cute they are. I hate the fact that the only things people were talking about were how cute Glato was. I hate the fact that he never picked up his phone whenever I called him. I hate the fact that he started ignoring me. I hate the fact that he changed training days so he didn't have to see me. I hate the fact that I actually don't hate him. I hate that all my friends are telling me to forget about him. I hate the fact that I started crying myself to sleep. I hate the fact that I started hating myself for not being good enough. I hate that I started dragging my knives down my skin. I hate the fact that some stupid boy is causing me to commit self-harm. But I guess it's not just that. things at home have been really hard. My dad has started drinking every day. He has been drinking ever since I was born but recently it's becoming really bad. My little brother is going through a lot, and my dad is just not coping. My dad started abusing my mum, every time she tried talking to him about his problem. My mum is too scared to tell the police because she is afraid that they will take him away. We both know that it's not just a passing faze though. My brother is constantly waking me up in the night, saying he wants to come sleep in my bed because he had a nightmare. He gets nightmares almost every day. I hardly get any sleep any way though. I can always hear my parents arguing, and the slap from my dad's fist against her. It is almost unbearable. Last night I came out of bed for a drink of water and saw my mum laying in a pool of blood. I rushed her to the hospital and they fixed her. I am constantly getting scared. I don't feel safe anyway. People at school hate me, and I am constantly scared at home. I am scared of my own father.

I know my friends are starting to realise something. I stopped wearing short sleeves about two weeks ago, and I wince whenever someone touches my arm. My friends Katniss, Foxie and Marvel have noticed that I stopped hanging out outside school and they repetitively ask me about it. I don't tell them because Marvel is also really good friends with Cato, and I don't want Cato to find out that my crimson blood is currently dripping down the school drain. I am sure Cato would love to know that some girl is using a knife to commit self-harm due to the fact that he rejected her. Gosh, that sounds pathetic. I glance at myself through the old, cracked school mirror. My brown hair is messy and covers most of my vision. The tiny bit of mascara that I put on this morning to hide the bags under my eyes has been washed away, leaving black lines down my face.

I sigh and grab out my makeup remover and attempt to fix the makeup stains.

"Oh my god."

I turn around and see Foxie. Her red hair is covering her eyes so I can't see them. She has her hand over her mouth and looks shocked. I can see her head looking at the red stain in the sink. I feel so guilty. But I can't help but also feel thankful that someone finally found out.

"Clove..." Foxie whispers.

"I'm sorry," I choke out.

"Come here Clove," she murmurs, holding out her arms.

I shake my head. I don't really want her involved. But I guess I can't hide it any longer.