2 AM Thoughts

Friend

CHAPTER 1 

I am that friend who makes evrybody laugh, who makes everything feel alright especially at the darkest point of their lives. But behind those endless jokes and bright smiles with those twinkling eyes, is the girl of endless heartaches and a pool of tears which has strained in her cheek. 

I never wanted anyone to feel the same way I am feeling. I maybe a monster for my soul, but I would definitely not let others do it.

Maybe because I know the feeling of being alone when all people surrounds you and being sad at the happiest days. I know the drowning feeling of depression, with no particular reason, besides from your personal life. I know the feeling of beeing unnoticed when everybody notices everyone except you. I know the feeling of being taken for granted and being used by the people you loved. And lastly, I know the feeling of being unloved by the persons you have cared too much.

Being "that" friend makes me feel strong for them because I have no other choice............... for them. as for myself, that is another story. 

 **FLASHBACK**

Amy went to my house last night and asked me ,

"Why do I fucking need to undergo to this shit. I don't deseve this. My life's a mess"

I hugged her tightly because I know that she needs it. while brushing her hair, I said:

"Dear, I know that you will find yourself. Letting go of that boy is a fresh new start. I'm sure your dad would not be happy if she sees her princess crying because of that guy." 

"Ohhh, dad. You left me early. I do not know what to do. Mom has left me. " She said while completely drowning herself into her pool of tears. 

"Amy, Amy, Maybe life wants you to become an independent young woman. You need to help yourslef, girl. Crying is the start of it.It means that you are letting go of it. But you need to end it, too. And go to the next step." I said to her, whole-heartedly. 

She replied, "I am not like you Margarette, I am not a strongheaded woman with a strong personality filled with her bravery. How can I do it?"

I am really not sure how to reply. I am not of those. I am nothing.

"You will find a way, my dear. Life may seem to fuck you up, but I know that Amy is fucker than life, no I mean gorgeous Amy perhaps?" I said, smilingly

She laughed a little, and said, "and you're the fuckest?"

We laughed our asses then I started to get up. "Pizza and Ice cream? My treat." I asked her.

"ooooohhh, Margyy, I really don't know what to do if you're not here. I'd probably embrace the depression in hell." She joked. 

Hypocrite was the realest thing I could ever call myself