Getting Over You

Aftermath

It never gets easy.

I thought It gets easier this time but it's not. On a day where I don't have work or anything to get busy with, you are always occupying my mind. Thinking if I really did right. Thinking that maybe I should explain further. Thinking that maybe it bothers you? But I guess it wasn't. Because you didn't really care. I guess it was not shocking to you or that many other girls have done what I've done to you.

How many times did I try to compose a message saying sorry and not to worry about what I said and then end up deleting the message? And a verse keeps replaying on my mind every time I tried reaching out again. "The Lord will fight for you, you only need to be STILL." I am always reminded to not do anything anymore. To just let it be. And that there's nothing I can do and should do anymore at this point in time but to let everything happens as it should be. It is enough that I take that step and now it's time to stop and focus on things that are in my control. Focus on what really matters. Focus on improving myself. 

It's never easy. It isn't meant to be easy for me. I must strive and commit to it and get really serious about moving forward. Moving forward with the thought of making a better version of myself. There's a lot to improve and I am falling far behind that it should be.

There will be times will I feel determined but there will also time where I will feel exhausted and worn out. There will be times where I feel motivated but there will also time where I don't want to do anything and just sit with the phone in my hand completely lazy.

But I will keep moving forward no matter what. Maybe a pause is needed but never a stop. A rest is a must but never surrender.

Self, keep pursuing the things that add value to life.