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Epilogue

Iris stared at the ice cream parlour, her heart beating wildly.

She couldn't believe she was about to do this for the second time. The first time she'd been here, it was because of her growing curiosity and desire to know more about Keith. To make sure he was... real. She had to see him in person to assure herself that she wasn't developing feelings for some non existent guy, like her silly crushes on fictional characters. She needed to confirm that she wasn't completely crazy to like someone she hadn't even seen.

That was supposed to be it. She hadn't planned on seeing him again.

But now she found herself standing in front of his work place, unable to resist the urge to come here on her way back home from work.

She tightened her grip on the strap of her bag, and then shifted it from one shoulder to the other. I'll do it, she decided in determination. I'll talk to him and tell him it's me.

It's okay, Iris. You got this.

She hesitantly took a step toward the small ice cream shop, and slowly crossed the street. She lingered around the entrance, glancing inside to make sure he was inside. Today was Thursday, and he did tell her he worked on all weekdays. But she wasn't sure what time his shift would end, and some part of her wished he already went home so she could go back and forget this silly plan to approach him.

Her heartbeat quickened as she saw him. He was carefully handing a cup of ice cream to a young girl, and then gave her a smile as she waved goodbye. The girl skipped out of the shop, her long braid brushing against Iris. At that moment Keith looked at her and they made eye contact.

Calm down, Iris. Breathe.

She hoped today would be it, and that she wouldn't chicken out like usual. But she couldn't do it. Of course she couldn't. Who was I kidding? She thought, disappointed. I'm a coward, I've always been that way. It was silly of me to think I could be brave enough to talk to him.

And so she made up her mind, quickly deciding she wouldn't let him know that it's her.

But if she turned back now, he would suspect that she's Iris and follow her. So she forced a calm look on her face and stepped inside.

"Welcome," he said, giving her a polite smile just like last time. Her gaze lingered on his dimples and she forgot to breathe for a moment.

"Uh, one cup of mint chocolate chip please," she said, praying that her voice wouldn't betray her nervousness.

She internally cursed, regretting the fact that she just ordered her favourite flavor. But then she told herself that she was just being paranoid. He wouldn't suspect anything. Many people liked mint chocolate chip ice cream.

As he turned the other way to prepare her order, she breathed out in relief and relaxed a bit.

But she also felt disappointed in herself for being this way. Why couldn't she be normal for once? Why does unreasonable fear hold her back from what she wants?

But deep down she knew her fear wasn't unreasonable at all. She knew what all her anxiety stems from. It's because she was unreliable. Her past relationships with people were proof of that. Sometimes she enjoys spending time with them, and other times she wouldn't even want to talk to them. It had nothing to do with them. It was all her. Spending time with people drained her energy, even though she genuinely liked them. Even if Keith is willing to put up with that, how could she let him? How is that fair for him? Wouldn't it be selfish of her to allow anyone to love her?

She stared at his side profile and bit her lip. If only things were different... If she was different...

Keith turned around and handed her the ice cream. Her hands were shaking slightly as she paid. He gave her the same polite smile that he gave to all his customers, and she shakily returned it before turning back to walk away.