After Ever After

19. The Secret

"Oops!"

"Oop" Zara mimicked, clapping excitedly.

"Oops Daddy!" you repeated, kissing the top of her head.

"Oops is one word for it" Tom muttered, grimacing as he clambered to his feet, rubbing his lower back.

"You okay?"

He nodded, frowning; Handsome's pride was more likely hurt than anything. He made his way to the end of the AirMat, breathing deeply before taking a few long strides, jumping onto his hands and attempting the flip again. As with all his other attempts, he landed on his arse with a grunt and you grimaced in sympathy.

"Oop Daddy" Zara cheered and you bit your lip in an effort to not smile.

Tom growled, slamming his fists into the mat and cursing. The outburst startled Zara, who went from waving her hands enthusiastically to shrinking into you.

"Hey! Cut it out, you're scaring her" you scolded, hugging her. "It's okay, Daddy's just playing" you murmured reassuringly as her lower lip trembled.

"Sorry Poss, just being silly" Tom said sheepishly as he crouched in front of the picnic blanket you sat on. "Wanna have a go?" he asked, reaching to take her from your lap.

"NOOOoooOOO!" she squealed, clinging to you desperately. Tom's face fell and you groaned.

"Hey, hey, hey! It's okay, you're safe, it's Daddy" you soothed, trying to detach her from you. Unfortunately it only made her worse, her grip tightening as she began to whine. "Oh for heaven's sake" you muttered, giving up and shrugging helplessly as she sulked, her face hidden in your chest.

"She never wants me" Tom pouted, sitting on the grass.

"That's not true"

"Yes it is"

"In her defence, she was fine till you chucked a tanty"

"I did not chuck a tanty!"

"You scared her. You're her Dad, you're not meant to scare her" you said, trying once more to ease her grip on you. She squealed loudly and you conceded defeat.

"Even if I hadn't scared her she would've gotten upset about something and wanted you anyway" he sulked, pulling out grass and scattering it.

"Well I can't help that Tom" you said, exasperated with his woe-is-me attitude; you already had one kid you didn't need another.

"It's because I'm never here"

"I didn't say that", but you'd paused a moment too long.

"You didn't have to"

You looked away, wishing you could say something, anything in disagreement; but the fact was that since Bali things between you had become even more strained.

What had initially been a two month trip for the project had extended into three months, followed by another two weeks which had become a fourth month, until eventually the calendar ticked over Tom and Zara's birthday's with neither Tom nor Harry back from the States for more than a few days. This was the longest they'd been home in seven months and were due back in the states for another three months come September.

In Tom's prolonged absence, you had become accustomed to living like a single parent, actually finding it harder when Tom was around to care for Zara. In such a short amount of time so much changed with her and he was completely out of sync with the new routines, and by the time he did learn the routine it had changed by his next visit home.

His extended absences had also lead to Zara being at best ambivalent towards him and at worst treating him like a stranger. She rarely sought cuddles, and when she did it was only at your urging or when he'd been home for more than three days in a row. You felt conflicted every time he tried to hug her and she screamed 'NO!'; on one hand that was his daughter and he loved her enormously, but on the other hand you were teaching her bodily autonomy and it felt wrong to tell her it was okay to refuse hugs from everyone except her Dad.