Before I Met You

19: "Of Course it Would..."

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝙽𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗

"𝙾𝚏 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚆𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍..."

I END UP getting home around noon, and as soon as I open the door I see Dion sitting on the bottom step of the staircase putting his sneakers on. He looks up at me for a moment before he breaks out into a smile. "How'd your night go?" He teases.

After leaving Waffle House with Elena I just feel upset if I can be honest. I was starting to think we might actually have something between us, but it seems as if she doesn't care whatsoever who I choose to spend my time with. Would she get jealous? Would she be sad?

"It was alright." I finally decide to say. "How was your night?"

I go to tug my jacket off but quickly remember the bandage, so I straighten back up and lean my shoulder against the wall.

"It was..." He trails off, covering his mouth with his hand to cover the smile. "Pretty damn good."

"You finally slept with her!" I begin to laugh when he pokes the inside of his cheek out with his tongue from being so embarrassed. "It's about damn time."

"I know, but dude, it wasn't like sleeping with other girls. It was...different. It was with someone I have an actual connection with, you know? It was different. Definitely a good different."

Memories of Elena in my arms race through my mind, and I try to block out how much I want to agree with Dion. I know that if Elena and I ever slept together it would more than likely be the best sex I ever have. I don't know why I'm feeling jealous of Dion, but I am. I wish Elena and I could have what him and Amelia have right now, but it just seems impossible.

"Anyways, I've gotta go to the library to pick up some books. I've got this test tomorrow and definitely didn't study. This weekend went by so fast." He stands up from the step, slaps me on the shoulder and keeps that same smirk plastered on his face. "I'll see you later bro."

Once I'm surrounded by silence, the crippling anxiety and nerves start to seep back in. I hate being alone for this exact reason. After I've relapsed, being alone isn't the safest option for me. I need to be around people, otherwise I think too much. And silence is deafening.

Just as I'm about to head upstairs, my phone in my pocket starts to buzz. I immediately get annoyed because it's most likely my mom, but when Elena's contact pops up on the screen I almost feel frozen.

"Hey." I breathe out nervously. I pause at the bottom of the staircase, unsure of why she's even calling me in the first place.

"Hey! Um, I was just calling because I'm leaving for my group in a few hours, and I just... well, I don't know. I don't want this to be offensive to you at all."

"What is it?" I can't help but fight back a smirk at how nervous she sounds. Her voice seems all rush-liked, and I can almost picture her blushing.

"Would you maybe want to... come with me? I know that you just left, so if you have plans that's fine, but I just... well, last night. I know you're struggling, and I think this could help you."

Her inviting me to go to a therapy group was certainly the last thing I expected her to ask, but as I contemplate going I honestly can't help but think about how much I'd probably get to know Elena if I went to these group sessions with her. I think therapy is a sack of shit. I've said this ever since day one when I was forced to endure therapy the first time I cut myself. I think it's a place where someone who doesn't know what the fuck you've been through tries to get you to spill your memories out for no fucking reason. And for what? For people to feel sorry for you? It's fucking bullshit.