Her Broken Vow ✔

HBV 7: Beginning

Joanna

Our moment was interrupted when we heard the creaking sound of a door together with an audible footstep.

"Sofia?" Aaron emerged inside the room.

"Daddy!" Our daughter beamed with delight.

"Anak, can you please go to your room first?" Pag dating sa aming anak ay lumalambot agad ang ekspresyon ni Aaron bagay na hindi niya na muli sigurong magagawa sa akin.

Tumango ng kaunti si Sofia bago bumitaw sa aming yakap. Bahagya siyang ngumiti sa akin bago tumakbo palabas ng aking silid.

As soon as she's out of sight, Aaron looked at me with his eyes full of mixed emotions. I cannot read everything at once.

"What are you doing?" May pagtitimpi na tanong niya sa akin.

Before I can even utter a single word, Aaron cut me off.

"Don't you dare hug my daughter like that!" As expected, alam kong sukdulan na ang galit niya sa akin pero masama bang humingi ng yakap sa anak namin?

"Anak mo siya Aaron, I get that. Kasalanan kong umalis ako nang walang paalam pero Aaron naman, isn't she my daughter too?" I tried pleading once again, na baka mag bago ang pananaw niya sa mga nangyari at maging bukas ang isipan niya sa isang paliwanag.

But he refused.

"You really have the guts to say that right now? Nasaan ka nung hinahanap niya ang kanyang ina? Nasaan ka nung kinailangan niya ang kalinga ng isang ina?" Pain and anger were evident in his eyes, I wasn't able to talk back because I know that he is not ready to listen. I didn't want to make an argument lalo na't abot kamay ko na sila.

"Now you're speechless, that's what I thought." He said with venom dripping in every syllable.

"Alam mo sa sarili mong kahit kailan hindi ka naging tunay na ina." His words stabbed me repeatedly in my chest. Mas masakit kaysa sa mga napagdaanan ko sa pitong taong pagtatago.

"A-alam kong hindi ako naging tunay na ina Aaron, pinagsisisihan ko 'yun. Araw-araw kong pinaparusahan ang sarili ko para doon. Pero patuloy akong magiging walang kwentang ina para sayo at baka nga pati na rin sa anak natin kung hindi mo man lang ako bibigyan ng pagkakataon maging ina sakanya." Mahabang lintaya ko, umaasang maiintindihan niya kahit kaunti ang aking hinaing.

"Bakit pa? Para magbigay ka nanaman ng pekeng pag-asa? Pinatunayan mo ng hindi ka tunay na ina, Joanna. Pinatunayan mo 'yun nung umalis ka, nung iniwan mo kami, nung tinalikuran mo kaming dalawa." May diin ang pagbigkas niya sa bawat salita parang mga bubog na unti-unting dini-diin sa aking puso.

"H-handa akong pagbayaran lahat ng pagkukulang ko. Name it. I'll do everything. But the only thing I ask is for you to stop being selfish, Aaron. Isang yakap lang. I-isa lang."

"Now I'm the one who's selfish?" Pagak siyang tumawa bago muling humarap sa aking banda.

"I'm not selfish Joanna, between the two of us, it's you who's being selfish here. Hindi darating sa ganitong punto kung hindi ka lang nag desisyon para sa sarili mo. From that decision, you chose yourself over your own family, over Sophia! And now you have the audacity to come back into our lives?" His voice thundered over the four parts of the rooms.

Para sa inyo yun Aaron! I made that choice for us. If you only know, Aaron. I never intended to hurt you but I had no choice. It was always better that way. Maiintindihan mo ang lahat kung bubuksan mo ang isip at puso mo sa aking paliwanag.

Gustong gusto kong isigaw sa harap ng kanyang pagmumukha ang aking mga rason. Gusto kong malaman niya na kahit kailan hindi ako naging maramot bagkus ginawa ko iyon dahil sa sobrang pagmamahal ko sakanila. How I wish that I could.

I felt my emotional state breaking from seeing them pero pinigilan ko dahil alam kong hindi pa ito ang tamang panahon. Hindi niya maiintindihan ang mga sasabihin ko dahil matatabunan ito ng kaniyang galit at pagkamuhi sa akin.

"Huwag mong pagtakpan ang panloloko mo sa akin," sabi niya habang ditetsong nakatingin sa akin. Diin na diin ang kaniyang mga binitawan na salita.

"Akala mo hindi ko alam na bago ka umalis ay nagnakaw ka ng malaking halaga sa pinaghirapan kong kumpanya? Game over Joanna, I know everything you did."

And for the hundredth time, my heart broke into pieces because of what he said. Alam kong mali 'yon but I was left with no choice before!

"N-not everything Aaron. You do not know my reasons. Let me just e-explain my side." I slowly closed my eyes, ramdam ko na ang pagod.

"Does it matter though? It's already seven years too late for that, don't you think? Kung kailan tinanggap ko na mali ang babaeng iniharap ko sa altar tsaka ka babalik at magpapaliwanag? Sa pitong taon na iyon, you had a lot of time to come back but guess what? You never did." He stated those words with a cold and straight voice.

Believe me, I wanted to come back. The thing is I didn't have a lot of time back then.

I remained silent, alam ko ang pinanggagalingan ng galit niya. I left him with wounds that eventually became scars. And deep scars does not heal. It stays with you reminding you every single day of what had happened.

"I'm so sorry...m-mahal," my voice trailed off when I spoke the last word. If I can just take all your pain, I will.

"Mahal? Did you really love me back then or was it all for a show?"

H-he doubted my love for him?

I felt my energy sucked out of me as he stared at me with those eyes drained with emotions.

I am left to fend off my tears while looking back on all the memories that we shared. Our happy memories in the past.

For the first time ever since I made that decision...

I asked myself, what have I done?

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