Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone: First Impressions

Chapter 1

Written June 11, 2020 - 3:15

The book's first sentence is how this story is about the Dursley family, which consists of normal people. Thank you. Finally, a book about normal people. The father is a director of a drill manufacturer. Excellent. A story about a businessman. I like it. I hope he's the hero of the story.

The next scenes are of Vernon Dursley picking out his tie and picking up his briefcase. All work related; exciting. His one-year-old son Dudley is upset by this. I can imagine why. He sees his father going to work and wants to go, too. Dudley's got a real fire in his belly, that one. He's going to grow up to be a great businessman; I can tell.

Mr. Dursley leaves and heads to work thinking about nothing but work. Suddenly, he notices people walking about in cloaks. He is infuriated. Amen, brother. You're singing my tune. J. K. Rowling really knows how to get a character to appeal to a reader.

It wasn't just young numbnuts, but older ones, too. Of course he was enraged. I can't go for a drive anywhere without being forced to yell out my window at someone. I hate when old people try to dress like kids today. It's terrible enough when the youth bring about hideous fashion fads; old folks need to stay in their lane. It reminds me of the Twizzlers commercial where the guy wonders if he's too old to take up skateboarding. He is.

Some stuff involving birds is happening outside his office window, but he doesn't notice. Of course, he didn't. He's not there to birdwatch or look at his phone; he's there to work. Can Mr. Dursley get any more awesome?

Mr. Dursley has to yell at the incompetents in the workplace in person and by phone. When The Sopranos came out on television, many real mobsters thought the stories were written about them because it followed their lives so closely. That's how I feel right now. Marvelous.

Mr. Dursley tries to focus on work, but there are too many nutjobs running around. He bumps into an old man who falls to the ground. Mr. Dursley apologies. What this person does next is horrifying; trigger alert - I'm warning you now. The stranger hugged him. A complete stranger. Someone he didn't know, in broad daylight. I would have been aghast and had run home to shower myself off after that. He indeed went home but didn't tell Mrs. Dursley what happened. Good man. Never tell your wife anything that might upset her. That's how you keep a marriage going strong.

They went to bed and that's when the weirdos start to roam the streets near his house, one named Dumbledore, who converses with some crazy cat lady (not Mrs. Figg). She talks about someone she only calls "You-Know-Who." Dumbledore tells her to stop being a crazy old bat. I agree. You should be fine, so long as you don't say the guy's name four times in front of a mirror.

They talk more about this Voldemort guy, saying that he killed Harry's parents, but couldn't kill him. Of course he couldn't. Probably because the guy's not a monster.

The cat lady starts talking crazy, saying this Harry shouldn't live with the Dursleys. Dumbledore gets my respect by stating the Dursley home is the ideal place for Harry to be raised. I agree whole-heartedly. Uncle Vernon is going to give Harry the best chance in life by teaching him all about capitalism.

The old woman starts talking about how famous Harry will be. Dumbledore thinks this will turn Harry into an egomaniac, so he thinks it would be better if the family doesn't tell him until he is older. A guy on a flying motorcycle shows up and dumps a baby on the doorstep. This is where Rowling lost me. It was a nice book about a businessman and his family and then they add this supernatural crap. The novel just jumped the shark and it's only Chapter 1.