do i even know you? oisuga

five//nowhere

the rain droplets were what eventually woke up koushi from his rather light sleep that had therefore lasted really long. a glance to his alarm told him it was 1pm, his head hurt a little and he was still wearing the faded turquoise hoodie that oikawa had given him the day before.

oikawa.

oikawa who was so good with his hands and his words too, who was pretty good at cooking at least from what he knew and who was so good at being sexual, but yet had somehow managed to set butterflies in his stomach, who's smile was brighter then the sun, who's eyes were so comforting and-

did he like him?
no clue.

he sighed, his eyes still couldn't completely open and he was so tired he kind of wanted to fall asleep again.

he let himself cry in front of him, even let him hug him...

there wasn't an exact reason why he had cried, he just knew it started when the realization it... or didn't?

because yes, he did kiss him, but he also didn't know what he felt... at all.
well, he did knew he liked everything about him, but there was also the fact that tooru was probably just using him. at least the possibility was there.

"suga"

daichi sounded like he was trying really hard to sound like he'd been asleep or something, but suga could tell he wasn't. he noticed a while ago that daichi likes pretending to be doing something important in order to escape meeting up with him or talking to him.

he honestly didn't know why he was still trying with him or even still liked him.
just to be pushed away constantly?

"hey, can you meet me? just for a bit, like ten minutes?"

daichi, on the other line, seemed to be contemplating and suga didn't really know what he'd do if he'd say no, but his delight daichi stated, this time without the fake tiredness in his voice:

"yeah. sure. your place?"
"we can meet in the middle. i have to go outside anyways to get some food"

he had stumbled over the last word, remembering how sweet tooru had prepared it for him the day before, how he had laughed, how bright his eyes were.

"cool. bakery then?"

maybe, suga hadn't realized this before, because he was wearing love tinted glasses, but daichi's voice was so full of annoyance. yet, he needed to be sure.

"sure. see you there"

he was about to click on the red button, but daichi spoke up

"you okay? you seem... distant."

koushi wanted to kick him in the face. he wanted to spit on him and hit him and tell him what an awful person he was and he cursed himself for ever taking interest in someone who was so ignorant and blind and insensitive, but he cursed daichi more. he had to hold himself back to not release the years of bottled up anger for this sorry excuse of a man and he had to hold back from screaming into his phone about how much he hurt him, but he did manage to hold back.

"i'm okay. don't worry about it"
"alright. see you then"

now, koushi did hang up, before screaming into his pillow and then making his way into the kitchen, glancing at the note tooru had left him and he smiled for the first time that morning.

quickly, he started the coffee machine, before changing into jeans and a shirt underneath the hoodie that he really didn't wanna stop wearing.

he threw down the coffee and it burned in his throat, but he didn't care. he also didn't bother to get an umbrella (which he'd regret later, for several reasons) and speed walked to the bakery.