Falling -Faberry

Chapter 10

Quinn's POV  

I wake up with my body pressed against Rachel's back. A perfect spoon, we fit perfectly together. Like we are meant to be this way. But I know I can't face my demons right now. Oh shit. Why can't I stay away from her? She is the perfect thing, the one perfect thing in my life. But I can fuck it up, I did fuck it up. I fucked it up big time by sleeping with Puck. I wish I could take it all back. Take back the feeling of wanting to hurt Rachel. Take back sleeping with him. I didn't even really want to have sex in the first place. I just wanted to kiss him and make Rachel jealous. But even then it would have hurt me. I know I am not bi because I have never felt the attraction to boys that I feel for Rachel. She is all I have ever wanted, she is all I will ever want in my life. I hate myself for what I did with Puck. It was good but I know Rachel can make me feel so much better. She can make me feel better by ten fold. She can drive me insane just by looking at me. The feeling of remorse is starting to boil over and I feel so horrible for what I have done. How can I even look at her? How am I even holding her? 

Holy shit. I am holding her, cuddling her. I spring back a few inches away from my sleeping girl but my arm is trapped under her head. She isn't my girl metaphorically but she will physically and literally always be mine. My body will always be her's, she can take it when she wants, use it when she wants, I will always be at her beckoning call. She can have me but she won't want me not after I tell her. I don't think I can tell her but I also can't lie to her. I will always be in the shadows waiting for her even after she learns what I have done. I will be there for her every call, her every need. Anything she wants I will give it to her even if she doesn't want me anymore. I will wait my whole life to be hers. If it takes until we are on our death beds to get back together it will be worth it. It will be a waste of time but it will be worth it. Any amount of time is worth waiting for her. She is perfect, she is my world, she is my everything. If love is truly all we will ever need then we will be fine. But I know we wont be fine because love is tricky. Its complicated and it will always be complicated no matter what happens.  

"I'd rather do hard with you than easy with anyone else." I mutter under my breath and pull my arm out from under my sleeping girls head. I swing my legs to the left and off the bed. I sit up and rub my bare knees for a moment. I can't do it. I can't tell her. It will break me, it already has broken me. But it will break me more. It will break Rachel even more than it will break me because I am awful. I am a bitch, I am the same bitch to her as I was all those years ago. But this thing will hurt her more than I could ever imagine because I am a bitch. A grade A pain in the ass that doesn't deserve how good she is. We weren't even together so why does it hurt me so bad. Wait we weren't even together. We were completely off. At least Ross and Rachel were on a break, kind of. I never understood that, they never confirmed they weren't together but we did. I called it quits because I was hurt. Then I went and destroyed any chance we had together. 

"What did you say Love?" Rachel yawns, flips on her back and stretches her small limbs out wide. I whip around and face her. My one leg is crossed on the bed with my left hanging off the side. 

"You weren't supposed to hear what I said. I was saying it to myself." I admit and give her a weak smile. She is so beautiful in the morning. My weak smile turns wide and my eyes soften for her. Rachel sits up and puts a hand under my chin locking it in place so I can't look away. 

"I still faintly heard it so what did you say?" Her voice turns stern and her chocolate eyes melt into mine. I can't think straight all I want is to jump her bones and rattle her until she can't see straight. "Quinn?" Rachel pulls me out of thought. 

"I said I would rather do hard with you than easy with anyone else." I pull her hand off of my chin and scoot over to the edge of the bed to get up. Her tiny hands grip my waist and pull my back to her. Before I can react her plump lips are pressed flush over mine. I kiss her hard. I kiss her like I am apologizing. In the fast moving kiss I am confessing my sins and telling her I am sorry a million times. But a kiss won't do she needs words. But for now a kiss is good. Her hands grip me a little tighter and pull me on top of her. Rachel's back slams against the bed as I move my hands to rest on either side of her face. She doesn't waste any time and plunges her tongue into my mouth. I can feel how much she wants me and I will give it to her. My whole body feels hot. And I throb in the place I need her most. I slam my hips down hitting hers and she gets pushed into the bed. A moan falls into my mouth and I eat it up like candy. I need to stop but I can't she is my drug. The toxicity in my life that will never leave. Her lips finally leave mine and I take in much needed air. Her lips move to my neck sucking just below my ear driving me crazy. I trail my hands down her side and hold at her waist as her hands move up to lace into my blonde hair. I thrust my hips down again this time I can feel the moan drawing from her whole body. The sound makes goosebumps appear on my arms and the throbbing downstairs grow stronger.