Snowflakes In Autumn (A Novella)

Six

With his small backyard decked out to the nines, the table decorated with candles, Faith was expecting something fancier than the grilled cheese placed in front of her.

Not that it didn't create a wide grin on her face or warm her insides, despite the slight chill in the air. "I love grilled cheese."

A much smaller, all-knowing smile took over his own face. "I know. I made you your first one. Probably made you your first hundred, realistically."

The grilled cheese was cut diagonally with a homemade coleslaw on the side and a handful of chips. This looked nothing like the grilled cheese she lazily made for herself. "A very sophisticated grilled cheese, I see."

A slight blush crept on Noah's cheeks as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, I knew you were obsessed with them when you were a kid, but I also knew you were an adult now, so I figured I'd just combine the two worlds and hope for a win."

"You won," Faith conceded. "You won ten times over."

Noah walked back down the brick path into the house, only to reemerge with a bottle of wine and two glasses. "Also for the adult version of you," he said as he placed it all on the small table. "I wasn't sure if you'd already had your first legal drink yet."

"I haven't," Faith admitted. "Didn't have anyone to share it with."

Noah filled both wine glasses halfway, then slid hers across the table. "Now you do." He lifted his wineglass and extended his reach to the middle of the table. "To rekindled friendships."

It was Faith's turn to blush this time. Although he'd only been in her life for a few hours, he already did feel like a friend. She clinked her glass against his, took a sip, then set it back down on the table.

He really was a handsome man. Prominent chin. Soft eyes that went from a soft green to a gray. Big smile lines. Slightly crooked, somewhat squashed nose. Warm complexion. As she looked at him in the candlelight, he appeared so soulful and wise with an air of mystery about him. He was more handsome now than he was in the flickering memories she had of him.

"What?"

"Huh?"

Noah let out a soft chuckle. "You were staring at me."

Rather than admit the genuine reason of why she couldn't help but stare, Faith forced a coy smile on her face. "Just wanted to memorize you in case this all disappeared."

After taking the first bite of her grilled cheese, Faith chewed, noticing the unique flavors of cheese that had nothing to do with the pre-wrapped American cheese she always used. "Do you think my mother loved any of us?"

Before Noah's grilled cheese could reach his mouth, his hand paused for a few moments, then lowered again, placing his sandwich back on the plate. "With your mom, every emotion intensified. Love, hate, jealousy, resentment. She's actually a very interesting woman from a psychology standpoint. Going through all the home movies and remembering all her behavior, I'm assuming she had histrionic personality disorder, though I can't be certain since it does only effect two percent of the general population, but mostly because it's a difficult disorder to diagnose.

"It's a disorder where the person excessively seeks the attention and approval of others. They'll act seductively and inappropriately. Every feeling they have is heightened. Their behavior almost appears like they're putting on a play, being dramatic in everything to gain the attention they need.

"They don't respond well to any criticism and don't like sharing the spotlight, which I believe was why your mother was always cold with you. Where she had to act out and be overly dramatic and flirtatious to get attention, you received attention with zero effort. You were her competition. Sometimes she'd fake a trip or fake being sick just to get that attention away from you, and back to her."

Noah took another sip of wine, then stared down at the glass once he set it back down. "People with this disorder will often create fictitious relationships in their mind. I told you she showed up at my place to seduce me, but it wasn't just to get back at your dad. Your mom seemed to have convinced herself that there'd been something more between us. She talked about all the times I'd flirted with her, which I absolutely never did, and she acted as if we were much closer than we were.

"At the time of the shooting, I was working on my master's in science. I'd only taken a few courses in psychology, so I never thought to analyze her behavior, or could do so properly until years later."

Then Noah leaned back in his chair and moved his gaze from the wineglass to her. "I'm not sure if your mother is capable of love in its truest form. She feels things intensely, but whether those things are genuine or can last, I couldn't say. What I can say is my opinion, which is that she forms stronger bonds with those she feels she can control.

"Your mother has controlled your brother for years, and once she finds out that he did something she wasn't able to control, I believe she'll start treating him the same way she does you. She could also control your father for a long time, before he met Rachel and began getting a sense of how a relationship was meant to be, even if it wasn't a physical one. She could control Hope and never considered her as a threat. She didn't have that bright light like you did. She didn't take the attention away from your mother. Not until later on, anyhow."

All of it was so much to take in, but Faith focused on the part about her sister, curiosity getting the best of her. "What happened later on?"

Noah propped his elbowed on the table and placed his forehead against his raised clasped hands, creating a slight barrier that muffled his words. "Your mom found out Hope and I were dating, which felt like a betrayal because of the relationship she'd created in her mind between her and I."

Faith leaned back in the chair, suddenly feeling dizzy. She'd thought getting answers would allow the lost memories to flow into her, but all it was doing was creating this overwhelming weight.

Ten minutes ago she was thinking about how handsome he was. She had admired her dead sister's boyfriend.

"Did I know?"

"No. But your mom found out when she came over to get you one night, after I'd already put you to bed."

"Were you in love?" Faith asked, uncertain if she wanted to know the answer, or if it even mattered at all.

Noah let out a slow breath. "I loved her, but we'd only been together two months. I think it was just the constant drama that brought us together more than anything else. The need to escape and have something normal in our lives. I don't think either of us were in love."

Faith closed her eyes and allowed the few memories she had to fill her mind, another one seeming to appear of him grabbing Faith's hand and pulling her to him. "You were shot protecting me, not Hope. If you two were dating, why weren't you protecting her?"

The look in his eyes made Faith immediately regret asking the question. It wasn't a fair one and had no right response.

"Everything happened so fast, Faith. It felt like slow motion, but looking back, it was maybe two minutes from the first gunshot to when he broke the lock and knocked the door open. I was dating Hope, but you were my person. You were the most important thing in the world to me. Keeping you safe was the only thing that mattered in that moment.

"I regret that Hope died, and not a day goes by that I don't think about her. I regret that I didn't protect her, but I don't regret my choice to protect you."