Snowflakes In Autumn (A Novella)

Nine

Faith sat across from Noah in the small cafe at a table next to the large window by the front door. It was near enough to campus to be filled with college students frantically typing away on their computers, with some tables gabbing away like they didn't have a care in the world. Faith took her time looking at every one of them, wondering which ones knew of the shooting that happened fourteen years ago, or if it was forgotten in time.

Although her menu was open, Faith found herself unable to concentrate on anything other than the normal college students, living out their normal lives in a normal city. She wondered what it would be like to have simple, run-of-the-mill baggage like that, and also wondered how many were faking it like her, having dark pasts of their own and just trying to appear like any other person in the crowd.

"Why did you come back here?" Faith asked.

Noah glanced up from the menu only for a moment before his eyes focused back on the food options. "They kept you away from your past, Faith, but I ran from it. That many years of running gets exhausting. Then I realized it was the memories I was running from, not the place. But while I was running, my memory of what happened didn't fade. I could escape when I was self-medicating, but it was only temporary. What was fading were the memories I didn't want to lose, so I came back."

When the waiter approached, Noah gave the man his order while Faith just guessed and ordered a club sandwich, assuming one was likely on there. The man wrote both orders down and left the table.

"Do you think I'll get my memories back?" Faith asked.

Noah shrugged. "I hope you do. Good or bad, it's all a part of your history, which is what shapes us. The question is if those memories are true, created or altered. Our minds can play tricks on us. Like if your brother told you a story growing up, whether or not that story is true, you can develop an image or a video In your mind to associate with that story. Or if you remember something that wasn't fabricated, you might still view it in the way you chose to view it then, rather than in the way it happened.

"It isn't uncommon for children to block out a tragic past, because their brain is still in the earlier stages of development. Even adults can do it. But any of your senses can trigger those memories later on in life.

"It happens too frequently when the parent of a child who dealt with a certain trauma will just try to sweep it under the rug. 'If we don't talk about it, it didn't happen' type of mentality, assuming the child will forget it ever happened if they avoid reminders of the event. The issue with that is that even if a child forgets, they still experience effects from the trauma.

"From the little I've learned about you so far, you have a classic case of PTSD. Trouble sleeping, dropped out of college after a semester, difficulty trusting others, self-isolation, just to name the few I've noticed. Your mother isn't the type of woman who would have sought help for you after what happened. Had she, your life likely would have turned out differently. Nothing would have been able to erase what happened, but they could have introduced you to healthier ways to cope."

It annoyed Faith how was talking about her as a case rather than a person. Occupational hazard, she assumed, but still annoying. Impressive, but annoying. "Healthier ways to cope," she repeated. "Like self-medicating?"

A lazy smile appeared on Noah's face. "Touché. But I didn't seek help either."

"And here you are, a published author, a good job, nice car, nice house and well-respected. Same event, two very different end results. So tell me, Doctor Noah Scott, why are you well-rounded while I'm all fucked in the head?"

Noah leaned back and stared at her, taking his time until Faith broke eye contact. "For one, you were a child and I was an adult. How we deal with trauma heavily depends on maturity level. Technically it is easier to treat a child with PTSD than it is adults due to brain chemistry, which is not a solid argument in your case, as you never actually went through any sort of treatment. Second, I'm not sure how I feel about you dropping the F bomb so casually."