Newsies one-shots

Ignored||kinda part 3(ish)

So this is kind of a part 3 to words won't come. Just because it's easier to use all the background information and not needing to write a whole new one for it.
This is mostly just angst and shit with maybe a little comfort. Maybe the happy ending I wanted... I don't know. It's probably shitty.
And I'm not a psychologist, so I don't really know how people's anxiety works, but this is how mine works.

~ F

Saturday... o how much Elmer loved that day of the week. (Note sarcasm) He has to work for three hours, go home and study and then head to bed. It's the same old routine every time. And his anxiety didn't cooperate that day.

It started at work. He had three hours to clean the whole building on his own. (Imagine a 4 floor building) He really didn't care, because he loves to do it, but it's hard as it is with two people. His coworker broke here ankle, which left him for doing it on his own, like he has done for over three months. The only difference was that the manager had forgotten to put on the music before doing other things. And you would think: why is it so bad to forget the music? It's because it left Elmer to think. He wasn't one of those people to prefer being in his own mind over the comfort of music.
'What happens when you die?' This question hasn't been on his mind for a long time. It always left him panicking all alone in his bed, since it normally came up when he was about to sleep.
'Like is there a heaven or hell or are people reincarnated?' Elmer could feel the panic start to rise in his chest as it became difficult to breath. There was no one who saw him and he kept cleaning midst panic attack.
'I don't want to die.'
'Then why the hell are you cutting.'
'I don't want to die.'
'You are just to afraid of the unknown, like you've always been.'
'I don't want to leave.'
Elmer couldn't breath. There was no one to help him out. There has never been. And there will probably never be. It took him a minute before he was able to breath normally again. He went for his normal grounding method for if he was in a public space: pick a song and sing it to himself.

<Time skip to the evening>

Elmer's day had gone by rather smoothly except for that one moment during work. He had learned for his tests and he watched tv with his dad. He always loved the father son bonding time. The had the same humour that the others didn't understand. So they spend rare occasions as this with big smiles on the couch. Though it was getting late and Elmer had decided to go sleep. He had work the next morning, again, and he wanted to have at least a little rest.

Elmer checked his phone.
No new messages
He frowned at his screen. Not a week ago his screen would have been full with texts from Race or Buttons, but that week had been different. Buttons was expectable. He was working almost the same amount of time as Elmer and they never had the time to text. Race was a whole different story. Elmer knew that Race had problems at home. Those had been there for a year and it had become normal for them, but that week was something else. Race wasn't talking to Elmer anymore. Elmer had tried so many times, but Race didn't respond his texts.
Elmer decided to ask Jack about it. Jack was like a big brother to all of them and was still the only one to know about Elmer's cutting problem.
[21:47] Elmer: is it just me or has Race been ignoring you too?
[21:48] Jack: I haven't texted him in a while, but I think he would ignore me too
[21:48] Elmer: have I done something wrong?
Elmer was desperate. He really wanted to know what was wrong. He just wanted his friend back. But maybe the most frustrating part of it was that he didn't feel anything anymore.
[21:49] Jack: No El it's not your fault
[21:49] Jack: He probably has his head stuck to high in his ass to see the people around him
Elmer really wanted to believe him and for one half he did, but the other part resisted.
'People don't just act that way. You've probably hurt his feelings you idiot.' Elmer muttered curses under his breath. He was having the urges to cut again, but resisted with all his power. His eyes kept looking at the blade of the pencil sharpener that he had removed earlier that week.
[21:51] Jack: El? Still here? I'm coming
Elmer didn't notice the message as he just stood there watching the small blade. He stood frozen in time and space not noticing anything that happened around him.
'You've had a panic attack about dying and now you are thinking about cutting. Good job, Elmer, good job.' Why did his mind have to be so sarcastic all the time. It wasn't like he was doing anything. Not yet anyway.

Arms wrapped his body carefully in a hug. He flinched at first, but relaxed as soon as he noticed the owner of said arms.
"When did you get here?" Elmer's voice was muffled in Jack's shirt, but it was clear enough to hear it.
"I texted you. Didn't you read it?" Elmer shook his head.
"Why did you come?"
"I can't just leave you here blaming yourself, can I?" Elmer stayed silent. He never really expected something else from people, but abandonment. "How's the cutting going? Thinking about it lately?" Elmer shook his head. He didn't want Jack to worry even more.
"Nah, don't need it anymore."
"El, Don't lie to me when I can see a blade on your desk that shouldn't be there."
"M sorry." Elmer unwrapped himself from the hug and sat down in a chair. "I wanted to do it." Elmer told him honestly.
"Why?"
"Because I can't feel anything."
"What do you mean?"
"Like I know I should be sad or angry about the fact that Race is ignoring me, but I just don't feel it. I don't feel happy either."
"But, El, cutting isn't the answer." Jack grabbed the small blade from Elmer's desk and put it in his pocket.
"I know." Elmer felt like he should cry, but no tears came.
"How about: I stay here for the night." Jack suggested.
"You would do that?" Elmer looked up at Jack who was already settled on the bed.
"Can't just leave one of my brothers alone in misery."
"Thanks." Elmer whispered before laying down and quickly drifting into a deep sleep, knowing that everything might be alright when time passes.