DIAGNOSIS: LOVESICK ; jjk ✓

68

Chapter 68

"I've always wanted to see you but I was too ashamed..." Dad started, avoiding my eyes. I just stared, speechless. The whole scene was too awkward for me to handle. Although I was glad that he finally reached out, I was still wary of the bad outcome to happen. I was still expecting the worst odds. I heard nothing good from him for the past few years, and then suddenly, he was giving me a smile and humble glances which were remotely close to the pompous glare he shot me the moment he declared I was checked out of his family.

I missed him a lot. He was the father I knew I had since I was little. I was bearing his name. I tried so much to hate him yet I failed. For me, he would always be a family. I was afraid that to him, I had never been one.

He called me his daughter this time...

"Why did you come here now, then?" I dared to ask him.

I had no idea what his real intention was. I felt terrified, and slowly it was suffocating.

His gaze flickered. "When I saw Jungkook again as he tried to apologise, he reminded me of a mistake I did to you. I realized I had to do something and stop being a coward. I screwed you up, didn't I?" He paused for awhile, withdrawing a deep breath. "Did you know he came to see us this morning?"

I nodded, looking down at the floor, barely analyzing the situation.

Dad continued, "Don't think Jungkook convinced me to see you... I did this for myself, for you. I can't live like this thinking I shunned away my only daughter." His voice broke at the end.

My heart clenched in an indescribable feeling crawling into my chest. "But I am not your daughter," I stated with hostility in my voice. I still didn't want to believe the words he was telling me.

"I watched you grow up and sometimes I wished... you are my own." I wasn't looking at him, and I heard him sniff. "I was too caught up with the past that I didn't see how precious you are to me. You've been with me since you were born and I am the father who's introduced to you. I am your Dad, Sena."

"Then, why didn't you bother to talk to me for years?"

"I couldn't because I was taking my time to forgive. You were telling the truth that through the past years, I hadn't really gotten over your Mom's mistake. I hadn't forgiven her yet because I didn't trust her enough. I was afraid that she'd do it again. But at the same time, I didn't want to lose her so I accepted her, yet throughout our marriage, I had been thinking that a commitment wouldn't stop someone to cheat on your partner again. My distrust extended to you. You have no fault but I was bitter and narrow-minded." Dad's expression mirrored remorse and pain, and it messed up with my emotions. I hated being overpowered by mere feelings, but I told myself it wasn't wrong to feel anything. I was human, after all.

"I've loved you like my real father," I said as I suppressed a sob.

"I know, Sena. I should've loved you harder like your two brothers. But I was also guarded since I was scared that you could hurt me, too. Yet it was the other way around." His face slowly fell into his shaky hands while his shoulders heaved up and down. "It hurt everytime I missed you around and I couldn't see you because I forced you to go. When I threatened to disown you, I didn't expect at all that you'd leave. I freaked out but I was so proud and I wanted you to come back at your will. I realized I must have been a bad father that you didn't hesitate to leave the moment I gave you the chance. You were having a hard time but I drove you away."