KINDRED || Soukoku

Aide-Memoire

Here come the drops steady and soft, falling from the sky. They come all together and yet as pioneers. Coming contact on Dazai's fragile skin, he slowly opened his eyes and stared at the view above him. The clouds that had been wispy and white that morning were now darker and denser.

"You'll get sick, shitty Dazai."

He got overwhelmed by the voice and sat up straight, speaking "Good, just what I needed."

"You think I didn't hear that huh, mackerel?"

The more he hears, the more it hurts.

"Shut the fuck up, Chuuya."

A photograph, that was all it took for the tears to burst Dazai's dam of restraint. He clutched the old and rotten paper tight in his hand.

"I didn't expect a mummy to actually keep that." The brunette ignored his remark and clicked his tongue, shaking his head in an attempt to stop hearing the shorter male's voice which is impossible.

"After what you did? I find it hard to believe." "Have you forgotten, Dazai?" "You didn't, did you?"

"You're hurting me, Chuuya. Can you go away?" He pleaded. Peace. It's what the bandaged man needs right now.

"I was hurt too."

"No one's aski–"

"I TRUSTED YOU, DAZAI!" Chuuya yelled. Voice is laced with anger, disappointment, and pain that seems to make the brunette's heart ache more. He felt the muscles of his chin tremble. Dazai can hear his own sounds, sobs, like a distressed child.

"I-I thought you will... like what you always do."

"I'm sorry."

"Why let it turn into a false hope?"

"I'm so sorry."

"Makes no difference now, isn't it?" He clearly remembers everything. A second late, came just right when Chuuya's mind got fully consumed with corruption, his body gave in.

Heartbeat stopped.

It was the happiest memories that hurt the worst, they were the ones that cut him the deepest. He stared at the photo. It reminded him of what he had lost. He clutched the photo tight, pressing it hard to his chest wishing to feel his arms around him one last time. Every time he remembered his loss, it was another cut to his already damaged mind. None were enough to kill him, but over time their accumulation bled him of the humanity he once had. Dazai realized he no longer knew how he felt. He was numb, yet somehow in agony. He wanted him back more than he’d ever wanted anything.