"i just can't." i say, as my eyes filled with tears,
"the fuck you mean you can't? we've done this before, we'll just scream at each other until we realize we're always gonna end up together."
billie says, so casually. we were fighting in her kitchen for the third time this week, it's been happening a lot recently.
we get pissed at each other over little things, or something big. i realize how toxic we are for each other and i try to leave, but i'm so attached- it gets harder and harder everytime.
"billie, you don't understand do you? this is hurting me, it has to be hurting you as well. we're not good for each other, sure, maybe we have love and feelings for each other but i cannot do this anymore." i try explaining, although it doesn't seem like she understands this.
"but- but i love you, and you love me, right?, i can change, i promise, i can.." she spoke, as i started gathering my belongings from around her house.
"of course i love you, billie. but this-" i gesture between her and i, "this is not healthy."
"i love you, please don't leave me." she began crying as well, of course, it hurt seeing like this but it seems to hurt more staying with her.
"no- please, i'll do anything, i promise. just stay, you're all i have, you're all i want!" she pleaded, blocking me from the door which slimmed my chances of leaving as i watched her desperate eyes stare into mine.
"bil, let me go." i try, "i hope you dont think this shits fair, you know? like you can hurt me a countless amount of times, and i come back. i'm so don't with that, it's getting so boring." i sigh, letting all of my emotions out.
"i know,-" billie pauses, tears running down her face as well, "but i can't lose you, okay? i'll change. i'll do it. i'll be better, i'll give you the love you deserve." she exclaimed, seemingly getting frustrated with herself.
"you've said that before," i remind her.
"i cannot, and i will not do this again." i say, making a promise to myself in my head.
i love billie, more than i have ever loved anyone, but she is more than toxic. it's getting to the point where i'm losing myself, my friends, and everything else.
"fine-" she says, stressfully running her fingers through her hair, "but promise me something, someday, we will try again? please, i am fully convinced you're the one for me. we just need time." she spoke, so gently as tears continue going down her face.
"i promise."
