Deafening Silence

Ch. 4

This went on for months. Stiles managed to find out that Derek had moved to New York for work so all this meant was that he was seen more and more around his friends and it was getting exhausting not to speak a word to him. Stiles either set up the situation so they'd never have to engage in conversation or, and he felt bad for this, ignored the other man flat out. This was how it went, this was how it worked.

Stiles would say the only other hard part was facing Isaac. Him knowing just left him feeling even more guilty whenever the two were alone. Isaac would make comments, Stiles would pretend he hadn't heard and so on. It was annoying as hell but he couldn't find it in himself to be angry because he knew it came from a place of love and as far as Stiles concerned it meant he cared.

It was one day in particular where Isaac had been acting skittish. Stiles dare not ask what was going on, for selfish reasons he didn't want it to be about keeping things from Derek, it seemed to be the center of most of their conversations. They stayed separated in the kitchen, both men deep in an order, for most of the morning before Stiles heard a rough sigh. He paused, scared to turn around, and instead opted to wait. Maybe he was imagining things, and if he wasn't he didn't want to be the first to speak "I'm going to propose to Scott" Isaac finally spoke. And Stiles turned wide eyed, because that wasn't at all what he'd been expecting "Tonight"

Stiles dusted his hands off on his already dirty apron, letting a smile break out onto his face. Isaac scratched at his chest, it was where his words hid underneath his layers of clothes "A worthy one, I hope" Scott nor Isaac were considered smooth guys, but their words would leave people to question that. Stiles was happy for his friends, they deserved each other and what ever happiness came with it "Are you serious! That's amazing!"

His cheeks were flushed and red and he smiled a toothy grin "Yeah, it just feels right. I've got everything planned out, and you know what? I'm actually not that nervous" Stiles pulled him into a tight hug.

"Well, why are you telling me?"

For a moment he looked at his hands, cautious and soft as he spoke. It was a side of Isaac he liked to see, vulnerable and soft "I guess I just needed someone to know--you to know. You and Scott have been best friends for forever but I like to think, with everything you've done for me, that you and I are like family"

"Of course we're family. You're the annoying younger brother I never knew I wanted" the two shared a laugh and Stiles just couldn't help but to hug him again. It was nice to have something to be happy about.

Then came the night everything went haywire.

Isaac had proposed to Scott as promised and from the way the story was told Scott said yes before Isaac could even get down on one knee, but for the sake of memories he did it anyways. So naturally after minimal begging they had their very small engagement party at Stiles' bakery. Of course the invitation list included Derek, Stiles knows that was Isaac's idea.

He was in the back bringing out the next wave of food when he heard the door to the kitchen swing open. He expected Isaac, or Scott, hell even Boyd but definitely not Derek.

"Hey" he said with the faint wave of his hand. Whatever he was there for all Stiles could wonder was who and why they sent him. He figured it was Erica because just a few weeks ago she proposed to Stiles that he and Derek go out. And he shut her down so fast she apologized for even asking-which was something Erica never did "Um, Erica wants more of those cream cheese ball things" he said making various sphere shapes with his hands. He chuckled at himself, embarrassed for forgetting the name.

Right, Stiles thought to himself. He glanced around the kitchen quickly until his eyes settled on a tray filled with the cream puffs. Stiles stared long enough hoping Derek's eyes would follow, and when they didn't he just pointed to them, and Derek followed his shaky finger and grabbed the tray. He stopped midway to the door and Stiles could feel his heart pound away in his ears "Are you okay?" He asked turning half heartedly to him. Stiles just nodded vigorously hoping he'd go away faster, and he did.

Stiles stayed there a while longer thinking and preparing the next desert. Anything was better than being out there having to constantly shy away from Derek, his best friends weren't happy about it, but he was thankful they understood, or at least accepted it. He pulled the final tray out of the oven when the door opened again. Sighing he gripping the steel counter praying it wasn't Derek again. Luckily, this time, it was Scott, he casually took a whip cream can from the refrigerator and made himself comfortable on the counter.

It had been a regular thing for Stiles to avoid the topic of soulmates with Scott, try as he might he never understood. Even growing up, there was an unspoken agreement between the two to not dwell on the topic, though Scott would forget from time to time "You would be a prize to me" It was the phrase that marked his best friends neck, and it had offered Scott hope and love and comfort as opposed to Stiles'. So, no, he didn't understand what living with such crucial words meant, which meant Stiles never wanted to talk about it.

"So, are you gonna be a Lahey or will Isaac become a McCall?" Stiles started, hoping he could steer the conversation.

"Isaac was talking about taking McCall. He said Lahey held so much sadness he'd be happy to have a name that he could create new memories with"

"That's actually ridiculously sweet" Stiles focused his eyes on the rapidly cooling desserts, hoping his lack of eye contact would keep Scott from prying "I'm happy for the both of you"

"Thanks man" and something about the way he said it meant it wasn't the end of his rambling. In fact it led Stiles to believe there was an entirely different motive as to why Scott came in there that night, which meant there was nothing he could have done to stop it "So, how long do you think this thing will Derek will go on?"

"What thing? There is no thing" he said quickly as he stacked the final cupcakes on the tray. It was the truth, the mere reason he kept his mouth closed was so that there wasn't a thing.

"Stiles you don't think he has a right to know who his soulmate is? That maybe it's unfair of you to keep this from him?"

That broke him, he finally let those words get the best of him and he let go "Unfair to him? What about me? I've lived with those words for nine years, for nine years those words have sat on me bringing me nothing but depression and loneliness and isolation and fear for the future. An-And now because he's a 'good guy' I just have to let all of that go?" He wasn't going to cry. Please don't cry he pled in his head.

Scott was wide eyed, realizing he touched a nerve but it didn't steer him from his point "Stiles you've been hurting, I know, I've watched you slowly shut down your heart. I watched something in you go dormant that day. But...but, maybe letting that pain go is what's going to allow you to start the process of feeling ok" he tried placing a hand on his friends back, wanting to be comforting and convincing "Maybe this is the chance you have to take"

Stiles picked up the tray heading for the door. He wasn't going to argue tonight, and he sure as hell wasn't going to cry. The night wasn't about him "Scott, listen I know you're trying to help but just don't okay. I don't think-the state I'm in- I don't think I'm what Derek needs right now and I'm fine with that. This is my problem and mine alone"

His friend looked sad, defeated and Stiles applauded himself for getting Scott to accept what he has for years "Fine, but let me just say this: every time he looks at those words he'll long for you, he'll hurt for you every day. At least give him the chance to turn you down so he won't be looking anymore and you won't be so worked up all the time. It can't be good for your health"

Stiles rolled his eyes hoping Scott would just forget it all. But somewhere deep down he considered it.