Deafening Silence

Ch. 6

So he ran. He ran down the alleyway of the building, pushed through the gate and was in his jeep in record time. For a moment he just sat there, didn't bother to start the car right away, he took the time to catch his breath. Letting his head fall to the steering wheel he sat there holding himself, he willed the tears pooling at his eyes to stay put until he was in the comfort of his own home. He wouldn't mind the panic attack, he knew it was bound to come, but dear god just let him get home first. The tears didn't care for his pleas, his own body betrayed him and they fell, slowly, and a sob escaped his mouth.

He was falling apart. That was the only way he could think to describe it, falling apart.

After some time, maybe a few minutes, Stiles wiped at his face. And finally he let his hand rise to the ignition in hopes of starting the car when a tap at his window startled him. He glanced up to see what was waiting on the other side, and this time instead of keeping quiet he let the words fall right from his lips "Go away please" Derek was there peering through the window at Stiles and his puffy eyes.

The look on his face was confusion, compassion, anger all rolled into one and he had right to every one of those emotions "Open the door" he somehow said soft, but sternly.

"Derek,no, please just go okay. J-Just go away and we'll pretend this never happened" The engine was rumbling, the car was in drive, all he had to do was step on the gas and he could avoid this.

"You want me to ignore the fact that I just found my soulmate?" Stiles winced huffing out a sigh. So badly he wanted to answer "yes" but he was sure even then Derek wouldn't really have let him go "Will you get out the car please?"

Stiles, reluctantly, decided he needed to deal with this now. He chanced a quick look at himself in the mirror and seen he was an ever growing mess. that's all he'd ever been, a mess of a person pervading around like and adult, but that didn't matter now.

So he peeled the car door opened and got out of the Jeep, feet hitting the pavement with force. He slammed the car door shut and was face to face with the man not quite making eye contact "What more do you need to know?" he finally spoke into the silence.

"Stiles, I spoke to you for the first time months ago. Why didn't you tell me?"

Stiles threw his head back, hitting it against the car door. Why? Why did he have to do this? Why did he have to be a grown up?

He squared his shoulders again, he didn't have an answer for why, but he figured if he could lay it all on the table now, he could hope Derek would at least see things from his point of view and they could walk away and forget about everything "For the longest time I assumed my soulmate would hate me. Then I met you and though you didn't quite hate me I had spent so long training myself to feel nothing for you that I had gotten scared. I was fine knowing who you were, and I figured if there was the possibility you didn't want me there was no point in telling you who I was"

"Why would you think I didn't want you?" The hurt in Derek's voice actually took the other by surprise. Stiles motioned with his hand and granted the man permission to come closer and when he was sure Derek was in close enough range to make out the words he lifted up his shirt. Derek squinted as he read it aloud "You're a dipshit, and probably the worst person...in...the... world" Derek trailed off returning back to eye level with each word. And by the time he came face to face with him again he swore he saw tears at the brim of Derek's eyes. They made his eyes glossy, and look more blue than hazel "I said that to you? You've gone through life with those words on you?" his voice cracked leading Stiles to believe the tears were in fact real.

"I guess I deserved it" Stiles stated, thinking back to the cake, and his mistake of hiring Matt.

"Stiles...uh Fuck! Stiles I didn't mean that. I-I didn't mean any of it. I was having a bad day and I took it out on you, m-my soulmate. I made you think I didn't want you. I-I'm so fucking sorry Stiles please forg-"

"It's fine, I accepted those words long ago. No amount of regret could change that" Stiles cut him off. Derek looked on the verge of a break down and Stiles was scared if he let him continue he'd pop a blood vessel or something.

"No, it's not fine. You had to live with that because I was having a shitty day. I want-I need you to know I didn't mean it. Fuck Stiles I want you, I've wanted you so bad for so long. You never spoke to me so I didn't know why I was feeling so strongly for you. I just... I don't know how to make it up to you"

"Well you can start by calming down, I can't have you passing out"

"Stiles? What do I do?" He sighed, glancing down at the young man with pleading eyes.

Stiles knew, just by the way he stared at him, Derek wasn't going away. At least not without a fight, so he gave up and was honest "Be patient with me. Love, soul mates, dating they've all been things I worked really hard to keep away from. I-I don't know what to do here "

"Can I take you out tomorrow?" He blurted out. So much for being patient, though Stiles suspected if it were left up to him he'd put it off.

Stiles scratched at the back of his head "Tomorrow? As in tomorrow tomorrow"

Derek laughed, somewhat recovered from the mini panic attack "Yes. As in tomorrow"

"I'm working. I go in on Saturdays to catch up on orders-"

"Well, I could help" he offered before Stiles was finished.

"Do you even know how to bake?" His head was still reeling from the fact that he was having a conversation with Derek and Derek knew good and well who Stiles was.

"I'm willing to try. I-I just really want to get to know you, I can't believe I-"

Stiles ceased his rambling in hopes of stopping another round of apologies "If I say yes will you promise not to freak out again"

Derek plastered on a smile before opening the car door and helping the man in "I will see you tomorrow" he said almost desperately, like tomorrow held everything to him. Like tomorrow would be the second beginning.

Stiles was plastered against his couch for a long while after he had gotten home. When he woke up that morning he hadn't thought that was how his day would go. Stiles hated to admit it, and he denied himself the thought all night, but it was like the moment Derek figured out who he was, his whole world felt a little lighter. One less thing for him to stress about, only to be replaced with the pressure of what was to come. He programmed himself to never feel anything and here he was feeling everything.