Mezcla

A Clean Bottom

I must say that I probably have one of the cleanest bottoms on the Costa Blanca. 

To keep it in pristine condition I employ several pieces of specialist equipment including a stiff brush, a suction device, a six-metre pole and a selection of fishing nets. Yes, the MacBride swimming pool is assiduously cleaned twice a week and you would be hard pushed to find fault with its bottom ... when you can see it.

The problem is that the garden is on two levels which means that the pool has one side higher than the other ... about two metres higher. When we first saw the architect's drawings The Boss thought this would be a big plus point and she planned to have a picturesque waterfall cascading down the side. I thought, great, I'll be able to do Johnny Weissmuller style high diving off the top.

Well, both our aspirations came to pass, and I can happily do my Tarzan impressions while my Jane stands under the waterfall pretending to be filming an advert for hair shampoo.

Unfortunately, due to the prevailing wind, every leaf in the province of Valencia ends up in our pool. They blow south from all points north until they come up against an impenetrable barrier ... the high side of our miniature water park ... millions of them. Every morning I scoop out bucketfuls of wet leaves and the next day, there they are ... back again. And it's not only leaves but bits of paper, plastic bags, and everything else imaginable that can be carried on the wind. We have friends who live further up the coast who don't bother phoning any more, they just write a note, throw it into the air on a windy day and in no time at all it's in our pool, soggy but legible.

I've been racking my brains trying to think of a use for all these leaves. I could have the biggest compost heap on our street but the neighbors would surely complain. The refuse bags I fill would be useful for fighting floods during the occasional torrential rainstorm, but where do I store them all?

I can't come up with anything practical. So if anyone has any ideas please write and let me know, and remember, if you happen to be on the northern Costa Blanca, no need for a stamp, just throw your letter into the air on a windy day and we'll get it. It's far quicker than the Spanish post!

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Of course, it's not only leaves and litter that end up in the pool; there are also various types of fauna which seem to treat it as an oasis. These not only include insects of the larger winged kind and confused pink geckos, all of which can be easily rescued, but also some real monsters which require a dart gun to subdue.

Yes, because we live next to woodland we have a close association with the many forms of the, mostly innocuous, Spanish indigenous wildlife. But there is one particular monstrosity which fills me with dread ...