*CONTENT MAY BE SENSITIVE TO SOME VIEWERS! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! SPECIAL MESSAGE AT THE END!*
Y/N: Tony...?
He stood up and began to walk past me
Tony: I've got to go
I grabbed his arm before he could slip out of the room and he winced. I immediately let go of him
Tony: Please leave me alone...
I pulled him back into the room not being able to get one word out
Tony: Y/N-
I grabbed his hand and began to pull up the sleeves slowly but he pulled away and shook his head
Tony: It's none of your business...
He backed up against the wall and stared in the distance
Y/N: L-... Let me
Tony: It has nothing to do with you so leave me alone
He began to walk away but I gently pushed him back against the wall
Y/N: Let. Me. See...
He sighed and gave in knowing there was no way out of this. I grabbed his hand and gently rolled up the sleeve. I gasped as a few tears flew down my face all at once. I rolled up the other sleeve and it was even worse. There were even scars from previous cuts. I looked up at his face and he began to cry. He slid down the wall, brought his knees up, and cried into his arms. I sat in front of him and cried even more. We were a mess. Seeing him like this sent me over the edge. He felt alone. In his own little world. By himself. Surrounded by darkness... And not a sight of light to be seen.
Y/N: W-... Why?
Tony: Y-You already know why... You've been in my head everyday, all day and I can't escape you. Ever since we met, it's been nonstop. And when you left, it got even worse and this voice in my head was convincing me that I wasn't enough. That I wasn't worth it. That I'm not loved. That I was a waste of space. That I didn't deserve to be loved. It's gotten worse over time and it changed me. It convinced me that all of that was true. It came to a point where I almost ended ti all but... I couldn't bring myself to it. That would've been too easy. This... voice convinced me that this is what I deserved... That it's punishment for all the bad things I've done. That... that I don't even deserve the slightest bit of happiness. And I believed it. All that voice did was get louder and louder. And this...
He looked at his arms
Tony: This is my escape... This is the freedom I get... And then everything you said earlier... I needed and escape
Y/N: This isn't freedom Tony. This is hell. This is what's making it worse. This isn't an escape. This is an open door that's filled with horrible and terrifying things that you are walking into without a second thought. This is an open entry to death. This isn't helping you in anyway. It's making you have suicidal thoughts... thoughts you shouldn't be having... Does Ondre know...?
He just shook his head
Y/N: This is not the way out... That's all I can really say... In order to see a rainbow, you have to go through the storm. After every storm, there is a rainbow...
Tony: What do you know?...
Y/N: Every last bit of it
Tony: How could anyone feel the amount of shit I've been feeling?
Y/N: You don't believe me?
I sighed and rolled up my sleeves. Scars up and down my forearms. Both of them. He looked at them and cried even more.
Y/N: See?... It's not just you that goes through shit. It's not just you that has that voice in their your head... You are not alone. These scars are just scars... But, no fresh cuts. You know why? Because I knew it wasn't helping me. I knew that doing this wasn't making it any better. It wasn't making me better and I know for a fact that it's not making you better
We sat in silence for a few seconds
Tony: I don't see how you can tell me any of this when you did this to me. The fucked up thing about all of this is that it's your fault
He got up and left. I just sat there and stared at the wall. I cried realizing that it was my fault. I'm the reason he's like this. I'm the reason he's doing this to himself. I'm the reason he almost killed himself. I almost killed him... I cried even more and crawled into the bed in the room. I got under the covers and cried until I fell asleep...
! SPECIAL MESSAGE TO MY VIEWERS !
Hey. I just wanted to come here and say that I love you all and thank you for taking the time to read my book. If any of you are struggling with depression, I'm here for you. I didn't wright this chapter as a joke because depression, suicidal thoughts, etc. is nothing to play around with or joke about. I myself have suffered from depression and suicidal thoughts and came to a few points where I have harmed myself a few times. I realized that it wasn't helping me or beneficial to me. Yes, it did give me an escape, made me feel numb, and took my mind off of things but there was no point because that all came crashing back and it made everything feel worse. If it was beneficial, it was only for the time being but then it came with scars that reminded be of everything I went through. If anything, harming yourself is a memory of all the shit that you would rather not remember. Yes, the scars did eventually fade away but I think about it just about everyday and it get's me lost in my thoughts. All I am trying to say is that harming yourself is not the way to go. Reach out to someone that you are positive that is willing to help. Reach out to someone that you can rest your head on their shoulder. Reach out to someone that you can drown your feelings into ice cream with. Take the decision that I made the mistake not to make. Just know I love you all and that you are worth it. You were brought into the world for a reason. You are worth something to someone, even if it doesn't seem like it or someone doesn't show it. If you're not convinced, THEN YOU FUCKING MEAN SOMETHING TO ME AND I FUCKING LOVE YOU! YOU ARE WORTH SOMETHING TO ME! AND YOU ARE A PERSON I LOVE! EVEN IF I DON'T FUCKING KNOW YOU OR EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME! You should believe me now since I screamed and bitched at you virtually :) I love you with all my heart, honestly, and life is worth living. Take risks because you only live once. Death is just a thought. Don't make it a reality. Remember that. <33333333333333333333333333333
Oh and just incase you didn't hear me correctly or didn't pay attention to me... *inhales deeply* I FUCKING LOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU AND I WILL COME FIND YOU AND KICK YOUR ASS MYSELF IF I EVEN THINK YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME! YOU ARE WORTH SOMETHING AND YOU MEAN SOMETHING TO ME! I. FUCKING. LOVE. YOU! Now go take risks, laugh, goof the fuck off, get pissed off at someone, be there for someone, be there for yourself, love someone even if you think they don't love you back, and most importantly, love yourself. Have a good day or night, whenever you're reading this. I love you! <33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333
YOU ARE READING
Rock Bottom (A Tony Lopez Story/Fanfiction)
FanfictionA story that began with you, a regular 18 year old working at the mall but that all changes ALOT when the Lopez Brothers let themselves into your life. It's one hell of a journey and one you weren't expecting. Better be ready.
