Relative Fiction | ✓

19

I sat with Hunter on the outdoor deck of Rita's, flicking my french fries over the deck to seagulls on the beach. "Look, I've got it all figured out, okay?"

Hunter gave me a sideways glance. "Doesn't sound like there's anything to figure out. She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, or intimately involved in any way. You probably shouldn't push that envelope any more than you already have."

"You're missing the point," I groaned. "She never said she didn't like me, or she didn't want to be with me ever. She wants me to prove to her that I have my shit together. I've been clean for a month, I just gotta show her I can stay clean. Simple."

Hunter nodded slowly at his milkshake. "Funny how this is such a 180 from the way you felt before, going on about how oh there's no way she likes me and blah blah blah. Now it's oh well she never said she didn't like me..." He shook his head and let out a long sigh.

"Yeah well..." I shrugged. "That was before she put her tongue down my throat last week, okay?"

"You ever hear the saying it takes two to tango? You're equally responsible for this," Hunter jabbed, and I shot him a glare. "I don't know man, I think maybe you should just take her advice and actually focus on yourself for once. Like actually trying to be clean for you, not her."

I flicked another fry over the deck. "I'm sorry, I don't remember asking for your two fucking cents."

"You didn't," Hunter droned. "But you want me to pay for your god damn french fries, which you're not even eating." He yanked the basket away from me, sending salt scattering across the wooden table.

"That's bad luck." I pointed at the table.

"Whatever," Hunter shrugged. "I'm sure if there was a higher power controlling everything, they wouldn't waste their time on two sorry assholes like us."

As much as what Hunter said made sense, it didn't feel true. It felt like the universe had me on a shit list, and any time I could feel happiness within reach, feel it brush against my fingertips, someone yanked it away from me. I was desperate. I needed just one minuscule bit of control before my entire world started to implode. I thought being with AJ was it.

To further prove the karma police were out to get me, my phone buzzed on the table, and Sage's name came up in the notification. I hesitated for a moment, but I couldn't resist. She tugged on the strings of my life in a different way.

SAGE HELLER [12:43 PM]: you ok? haven't heard from you in a while

I rolled my eyes and placed my phone face down back on the table. I knew how to interpret Sage language. What she meant was I haven't heard from you so I'm seeing how miserable your life is without me.

Miserable? Yes. Without her? Debatable. Sure, I knew things with her weren't great, It wasn't until I'd experienced something pure and good that made me look back at my relationship with Sage and realize how bad it truly was. Maybe there was a part of me that finally understood I deserved something more. A small part, but it was there. I could understand it, reach out, and almost touch it.

✗✗✗

Hunter and I wandered around our tiny center of town aimlessly, just like we used to in high school, with our dirty sneakers shuffling along the concrete sidewalks and sweat dripping down our backs. I lit another cigarette, and through a cloud of smoke that curled from my mouth, I caught sight of her across the street at the coffee shop.

AJ sat at the same table we usually sat at, outside but under the striped awning and out of the mercilessness of the sun. She laughed and her eyes sparkled, but then I realized she was laughing at something the person sitting across from her said. It was Craig the barista from the coffee shop, but he sat at the table with her like he was a regular customer. There was a look as she got up and rested her hand on his forearm, like there was a secret that lingered in the air between them. The cigarette fell from my mouth, and it felt like someone was squeezing my chest in a vice grip.