Sunflowers

First Days and Farewells

TRIGGER WARNING - SUICIDE, DEATH, DISASSOCIATION

~

"Ash! There you are," Thia poked her head into her newest friend's compartment, taking in her tired eyes and too pale skin, "Why aren't you sitting with us?"

"I just didn't feel like it, that's all," Thia watched Ash fake a smile. It was obvious something else was bothering her.

"Oh, alright. Do you want me to leave?"

"You can stay if you want. I'm just not ready to be in a group of people yet." Thia's eyes scanned Ash's face, looking for any hint of what might be bothering her.

"Are you alright, Ash? Like, really alright?" Ash bit her lip, a slightly nervous expression crossing her face.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just trying to prepare myself for O.W.L.s this year," Another forced smile. Thia let the conversation drop. It was obvious she didn't want to talk about with her.

"What electives are you taking?"

"Ancient Runes and Arithmancy. What do you want to take?" Thia pulled her knees to her chest.

"Muggle Studies and Care of Magical Creatures," Thia glanced at her prosthetic, "Although I'm not sure I'll be allowed to take it."

"Talk to Professor Kettleburn. I'm sure he will let you take the course."

~

"Miss Simmons, your schedule." Thia took the paper from Professor McGonagall, smiling.  Her first was a Double Transfiguration period with the Slytherins. 

Down at the bottom of the page, in shimmering letters (spelled to draw her attention there), it read: Patronus Lessons begin Friday, my classroom, after your last class. - Professor McGonagall

"What's that?" Callum slid into the seat beside her.

"Schedule. We've got Transfig with Slytherins first." Callum pulled a face.

"What's that face for?" James asked, Remus and Peter filling in around the first years.

"Transfiguration with Slytherins," he said, "My desk partner is so annoying."

"Start giving him unsettling threats," James suggested. 

"Like what?"

"'If you don't stop annoying me, I will boil your teeth,'" James supplied.

"'I will tear out your spine and beat you with it like a flip flop,'" Remus said, piling food on his plate.

"'I will shove toothpicks under your toenails and make you kick a wall.' Can you pass the syrup?" Peter asked Thia.

Callum looked between the older boys with concern, "Those are horrifying."

"But they'll work," Remus pointed out.

James smirked, "Every time."

~

"Thia, have you seen Ash?" Teddy stopped her after class. She shook her head, "She hasn't gone to any of her classes today."

"None of the teachers were concerned?"

"No, she does that sometimes, when she has a bad day. But never the first day of the term."

"I'll look around." She headed for the library. It had lots of alcoves and hidden tables, she reasoned, so maybe Ash was hiding there. 

It took half an hour to search the Library, and besides walking in on some couples, Thia couldn't find Ash. She checked the kitchens and the Astronomy Tower before she went to the painting gallery.

"Ash? Are you in here?" Thia ignored the anxious feeling that was growing in her stomach, "Ash?"

"Hello," A boy appeared in front of her, a silvery glow around him.

"Hello. Who are you?"

"I am Augustus Black. Who do you search for?"

"Astraea Barker. No one's seen her all day." Thia twisted her hands, a frown beginning to crease her face.

"She has not been here, not since last year."  

"Thank you."

~

Thia was about to give up her search. It was almost dinnertime, and she'd spent the last two hours searching, and there was still no sign of Ash. 

One more place, and then she would go down to dinner. She was on the second floor. Myrtle's bathroom it is.

The halls were eerily quiet, most students already down in the Great Hall. Her footsteps rang in the corridors, and Thia jumped when Peeves shot through a wall, cackling maliciously. She shook herself.

The feeling in her stomach worsened, and her hands began shaking as she stopped in front of the girls' lavatory.

"It's just a bathroom," she whispered to herself. But still, she hesitated to open the door. 

"You're being ridiculous, Thia." She took a deep breath and pushed the door. 

The first thing she noticed was that Ash's shoes were untied. Then, she noticed they weren't touching the floor. That's when the tears started. She saw the icy blue that Ash's skin had turned, the closed eyelids, the note on the sink.

Thia picked it up, her fingers numb. She read it without understanding it, and it fluttered from her grip.

Then she was running, pushing past older students until she found Professor McGonagall outside the Great Hall.

"Miss Simmons, you know better than anyone not to run-" Professor McGonagall stopped, taking in the girl's appearance, "Merlin, child. Whatever's the matter?"

"I-in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom," Thia choked out. The professors shared a look before they rushed off, Thia following behind. The two older witches gasped once they pushed open the door to the lavatory. McGonagall severed the rope that kept Ash's body in the air, catching her and laying her gently on the floor. Professor Sprout held Thia tightly as Professor McGonagall read the note aloud.

"Take Thia to Professor Dumbledore's office, Pomona. Don't leave her alone. I'll inform Albus, Poppy, and the people the note mentions," McGonagall said quietly. Pomona led the girl away, and Minerva McGonagall let a tear slip down her face.

~

Professor Sprout held Thia until Madam Pomfrey appeared. In a few minutes, Teddy was by her side, and the others were sitting across from Professor Dumbledore. A woman and a child were sobbing.

Thia was aware of none of this. She had retreated to a corner of her mind that she had lived in after the incident. Everything was muffled, distant. She knew that someone was talking, that someone was holding her, that she was crying. But it didn't feel real.

She came to a little when Madam Pomfrey left, and she turned to Teddy. He hugged her tightly, letting her bury her face in his shoulder. 

"Do we know who found her?" Phoenix asked, wiping at tears. Thia looked up, seeing that Phaerie was clinging to her brother. Lily sat, still as a statue, her eyes dry.

"I did." Thia's voice was small, and it quivered terribly. Teddy pulled her closer, resting his chin on her head.

"What do we do now?" Lily whispered, pain in her voice. Everyone was quiet, not knowing how to respond.

"You mourn," A voice said. Thia looked up, staring at the Sorting Hat, " You try to move on. You remember the best parts of her and forgive the worst. Most importantly, you keep living."

~

A/N - IF YOU ARE HAVING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, PLEASE SEEK HELP. I CANNOT PROMISE IT WILL GET BETTER EASILY, BUT I CAN PROMISE IT GETS BETTER.

"There are some who bring a light so great to the world that even after they have gone the light remains."