Panic Attacks // Ruel // English

Chapter 24

(Yasmine's pov)
We drive the car and I lean my head against the window and look outside.

Yasmine: "Where are we going? This is not the way home." I ask curiously, when I see that we are not driving home at all. This is totally the other way.
Ruel: "A place where I can relax if I don't feel well."
His eyes meet mine and a smile comes on his face.

Ruel drives into a completely empty parking lot and parks his car. A number of lamp posts are on and there is a little light. He turns off his car and actually wants to open the door. But then notice that I don't go out on my own. I don't know, but something in me is holding me back. I also know that I am safe and that nothing can happen, but still.

Ruel: "Come on." He says reassuringly, gesturing with his head out.
I stare at my hands in my lap and take a very deep breath in and out.
He takes my hands in his hands and looks at me.
Ruel: "Hey- it's okay if you don't want to. But I promise nothing will happen. Trust me." He says quietly.
I look at him and nod.

Then I open the door to the dark and get out, then slam the door shut. The salty sea air comes to my mind, but I don't seem to panic.

Ruel laughs.
Ruel: "Can it be closed even harder?"
Yasmine: "So you actually say that you think I have no power." I find surprised.
Ruel: "No." He denies with a big smile on my face.
Yasmine: "Yes, because you are surprised that I can close a door that hard." I say giggling.
I walk around the car and walk next to him.
Yasmine: "Doesn't matter, you will notice it soon." I say with a grin.
Ruel: "Should I be scared?"
I shrug and have a wide grin on my face.

In recent years I have taught myself a lot of self-defensedefense. I did not feel safe, still not now, but it made me more confident. Because I now also know how much power I can put behind a movement. People think it is especially positive that others can now defend themselves, but they forget the reason why they had to teach themselves. You actually teach it to yourself too late, only after you should have needed it.

We walk towards the beach and you can already hear the waves crashing against the rocks. Without realizing it, I reach for Ruel's hand and wrap my fingers between his.

Ruel: "Yas, if you don't want this you have to say it honestly. I'm not going to force you."
Yasmine: "Ruel, it's okay." I reassure him as I squeeze his hand.

We walk further and further on the beach and we have taken off our shoes, because this is walking better.

Ruel: "Do you want to walk by the water?"
I stop walking and stand in front of him and look straight into his eyes.
Yasmine: "You don't have to ask permission every time, you will notice when I don't want something."
Ruel: "This feels better. And because it was water, I thought, I'm going to ask you."
I give a loving look and sparkling eyes we look at each other.

I stand on tiptoe and put my arms around his neck to hug him.
Yasmine: "It's okay as long as you stay close to me." I say softly, almost in a whisper.

I take his hand again and pull him towards the water.

With our bare feet we walk through the cold low water.
I release his hand and walk backwards in front of him.
I draw a playful look and a grin appears on my face.

Then I kick the water forward and Ruel gets soaking wet.
Ruel: "Ohhh- Yasmine!" He shouts angrily, laughing.
Yasmine: "Oh shit."
I turn around and start running.

Sure I'm slower and I feel his arms wrap around my waist and he lifts me up. I start screaming that he has to put me down, but the doesn't let me go.