The Shadowhunters

Heatred, Regret, and Love

"This sucks!" Cecily said, crossing her arms. "Stupid buff bodyguards," she said, cursing them. "Why did they have to

knock over the plants?!" Cecily wiped her forehead, but in doing so, left a trail of soil and dirt across it.

The dirt had spilled on the white carpet, though most of it had fallen on the hardwood floor. "Where the heck is Will and Tessa?" Gabriel said, cursing as a pot fell out of his grip and

crashed to the floor, making more dirt spill.

"I'll go get them," Jem sighed as he went to wash his hands quickly, ridding his hands of the dirt.

He walked outside into the backyard and the first thing was Tessa and Will kissing, arms wrapped around each other. Jem froze but quickly regained composure, walking back

inside quickly and praying to the Angel that they did not see him.

"I'm going to go for a coffee," Jem said to his friends tersely. By this time, Will and Tessa walked back in, hands linked. "Bye," Jem said quickly before walking out the front door to

his waiting Jeep.

Jem didn't know where he was going. He was just driving, holding the tears in. One leaked out onto his cheek and he cursed, wiping it away hastily.

"You knew this was going to happen, James," Jem muttered. "You knew."

It didn't lessen the pain though. Why did Jem let it go so far? Why did he allow himself to love Tessa? Jem was an absolute idiot. Blind, stupid hope kept him in the same place for

too long, and Jem got burned.

Like a fool, he stood there, waiting for Tessa to fall into his arms, but that wasn't going to happen. Jem knew that Tessa liked – perhaps even loved – Will. He wasn't going to

destroy their happiness. But Jem couldn't help but feel that it was always him that was hurting. Always him that had to sacrifice it all.

It was a stupid feeling – after all, it only happened once, and that once was Tessa.

Will deserved it. He had lost so much. Tessa deserved it. She needed him.

But what about Jem? Jem who had lost his parents, his family, his strength and his own identity in a car crash? Jem was fading as well, and he didn't have someone to anchor

himself to. Everything seemed to slip away from Jem's grasp.

Why does this world have so many tragedies? Death, sin, greed – the world was not a safe place to be. Sadness, depression, anger…

But Jem could not feel hatred. He could not hate his dear Will, his brother in everything but blood. He could not hate Tessa, who was so innocently beautiful. He could not hate

them, and Jem had nowhere to unleash the swirling feelings inside him. It was absolutely insane and annoying to do so, but Jem had no other choice. He could not confide in Will or

Tessa. That would ruin their high spirits.

Cecily and Sophie had always been there and Jem was grateful. But now Jem needed to be alone before he hurt something – or even worse… someone.

Steeling his emotions and trying to keep his tears behind a dam inside his eyes, he pulled into a parking lot, and went into a coffee shop he had been going to for as long as he

could remember.

He ordered a black coffee before heading to the back of the shop, taking a sip of the bitter beverage. But Jem always drank things according to his mood. When Tessa had come